I can be stubborn... or determined, it's all how your perception allows you to see the world. In my stubborn state I will exert a credible amount of energy to resist doing what you ask. In fact, more energy is spent standing my ground then if I just followed and got whatever task was asked of me over and done with. In my determined state, I am stagnant, mulling over my task and applying the dreaded... Why? My managers, teachers, parents and all authorative figures either learn to answer THE question, otherwise they are met with futile results. The clever ones that understand my need to connect to a bigger picture I have adopted as mentors, whether it be in my personal or professional world. I need value as to why I need to apply an exact amount of energy to accomplish something. Doing something just for the sake of doing it never gets me motivated to do that task at all let alone well.
I think this is where I lost my mojo. My sister and I were debating my usual musings about the Universe, strange vibrations and all that "spiritual" things that I can openly discuss last week. Okay so maybe Stephanie just muses over my rantings and communication is usually a one way street where I do the yakking and Steph just listens. But on this rare night, my baby sister actually gave me an epiphany into my uncomfortable state of being.
One of the coping skills I often use in the navigation of life is I put people I admire on a pedestal, cultivate a relationship with them and bombard them with a bazillion questions as to "why" they did what they did, and "what" would they do differently knowing what they know now. I know, that last sentence was probably vernacularly structured totally convoluted but if you read it slowly and pause to ponder it makes perfect sense. I "studied" their successes which then allowed me to go through my own learning curve pretty much flawlessly if I studied properly. Contrary to what my ego may project, I am a student of great humility and know that I know very little.
Well, I suspect my mojo started to waver when I accomplished many of my goals in 2010 but I never really felt fulfilled? Bizarre when you say it out loud. As a textbook Type A personality I have my life mapped out. As stated above, I don't move on my map unless I have a destination. My map was that I lead a life as a good person and help out wherever I can (my Asian parents would be so proud that I listened to them amongst all the beatings)! I would finish school with high grades and get into a good University with a scholarship. I would obtain a degree. I would get a great job filled with endless opportunities and I make tons of mistakes at the expense of someone's pocketbooks. I would marry my bestfriend who would take care of me and my children better than I would. I would start my own business and apply all my knowledge that I acquired into it and watch it grow. I would start my own family and teach my little ones everything I know and watch them grow. Sounds perfectly solid no? With the exception of the time I broke into the local school to vandalize and got caught in the shower with a boy, my life map had very little speed bumps.
So what the hell happened in 2010? Well remember on September 10, 2011 the Lower Mainland experienced an Earthquake that registered 6.4 on the Richter scale. It didn't cause any damage and for the majority of people they felt nothing. That morning I woke up feeling like shit and when I looked into the mirror to get ready I was shocked to see my own image because it looked like ike the ugly bus hit me. I dragged myself into work and puttered through my ambitious list but was battling what felt like a migraine and hangover. I dismissed the bizarre feelings and around noon reports started coming in about the earthquake. My part-timer and I noted that it was so weird we too didn't feel any movement. Approximately an hour after I heard about the news a woman and her friend came into the store. I approached her and greeted her like every other customer and then blurted out, "Hey, did you ladies feel the earthquake?"
She turned to me, shot this wild look and said, "No, what earthquake are you talking about?" I brought her up to speed on the details and she said, "Well that would explain why I woke up this morning feeling very off." Her words took my breath away because now that she mentioned it, that's how my morning started as well. Out of the blue I randomly asked, "Are you a clairvoyant?" She looks deep into my eyes and answered softly, "Yes I am why do you ask?" That electrical shock that I am starting to notice happens quite often when I am in the zone "of weird shit I can't explain" started shooting through my system. "I'm sorry, I have no idea why I asked you that! You must think that was so weird," I stuttered apologetically.
The kind woman smiled back, "No I don't find it weird at all. You asked because you are one too which I sensed when I entered the store." She goes on and explains that when the Earth goes through events, she can sense the disturbance in the normal vibration that it emits. She explains that all things on Earth are made of energy. So far because it's scientifically based, I am following her explanation. If we are all energy then each form on Earth emits a certain vibration. When the normal frequency is off, those sensitive to it are also thrown off. The analogy is you can't harmoniously hum in tune if someone in your choir sings off-key. It throws off your groove.
She then states, "How many people did you ask about the earthquake since knowing about it?" Ummm... okay that is an odd question but since you are non threatening I'll play ball, "No one, you're the first." "How many people came into the store before you asked me?" Wow... I feel like I am being led into a trap. I swallowed, "About a dozen or so." "Do you find it strange that you asked me and no one else?" "Yes, well now that you phrased it in that context that is strange..." "Well it's not strange. We are suppose to meet. The question is WHY?" She gives me her business card. Her name is Shamira Virji and according to her pretty purple card she offers clairvoyant readings, spiritual coaching and meditation.
Realizing that she might add value, I ask her if she feels that the world seemed off it's kilter? Like maybe it's rotating funny? She takes a deep breath and tells me that the Earth is definitely vibrating differently and it's change in vibration has affected many lives. Hmmmm... I feel a hypothesis formulating here. Shamira can tell I wanted to ask her a million other questions and she politely stops me and tells me to pull her card when I feel more clear about the questions I need to ask. I take the hint and wish her a good day.
I call my friend Laura that night to tell her about my experience in my store. Like Yoda, she tells me not to read too much into things and take them as a blessing. She did confirm that Shamira's theory was very similar to one that was shared at a conference she was at. Apparently there is a consensus that the Earth is vibrating at a different frequency then before with the purpose of dismantling an economy based on unsustainable, excessive consumption. By doing this, Earth can bring us back to our life's purpose. So me eating at McDicks and feeling all glorious in name brands like Coach and Lululemon is not assisting me in my life's purpose? Wow... shocker I know. The creepy thing is that this theory would explain the shitty economy and also how I currently feel.
Now going back to my sister's brilliant observation. Up until last year, I officially had no mentor. Not one. How come? How is it possible that a life coping skill that I have applied as long as I can remembered not be in effect? She points out it's because I have outgrown all of my current ones. Oh... well that's shitty... so I am swimming in the sea of life and I have no wetsuit or even a damn lifejacket? No wonder I feel like I'm drowning.
That's my big epiphany. I did not have to lose everything I love or climbed the sacred mountain in Peru (although it is on my bucket list) or run away into the remote jungle and live off of bugs. I was sitting in the comfort of the home I worked really hard to build, surrounded by the people I worked really hard to keep happy and safe and... drinking. So perhaps the Earth is vibrating us into extinction, and perhaps I am embarking on a new journey that was never mapped in the Book of Huong and perhaps in ten years time this Blog will be documented evidence of the descent into insanity. I am not sure. What I am sure of however is that I need the Why and to get that I need to seek out a new mentor.
