Oh Miss Snaggletooth Kaiya

When I started my first blog, I was a new mom so my sometimes unreal experiences had enough fodder to last at least a decade.  Between the sleep deprivation, the hormonal peaks and valleys and being thrust into giving up your identity to succumb to the demands of a newborn who couldn't even figure out the basics of life, writing was a therapeutic escape.  If you missed my year long ranting and raving it's at: http://crung.livejournal.com/ - my dedication to Tai Jaeden Manson.

Kaiya Elaine Mansoncame screaming into the world on July 9, 2010.  She was my fantasy newborn.  Unlike Tai, she slept beautifully, ate effortlessly, passed gas like a seasoned pro and she had the unbelievable magic of engaging you into her happy world.  When you cuddle her, she cooed.  When you sang to her, she googled at you with her big (for a half Asian) brown eyes and smiled.  When you talked to her, she babbled confidently back like she understood everything.  I was truly in love and she melted everyone's heart that she batted her eyelashes at.  She was the complete opposite of Tai.

Then something happened around the three month mark.  Kaiya hit the milestones with record breaking speed.  Her growth charts were literally off the grid (As in she was so fat and tall that she wasn't even on the charts).  Tai was a chubby baby but Kaiya had so much girth and robusto on her that she made the Michelin Man look like he was on Jenny Craig.  When I told my friends that she was a wee tad on the "big girl" side they would just roll their eyes assuming I was exaggerating the issue.  When they finally met the little Manson heifer they soon realized why she earned the nicknames of "Beebee Hippo" and "Smallish Bear."  Clearly the Asian genes were in retreat during this stage.  I think this is when our sweet Kaiya blossomed into a raging... um... Hulk Smash.

Kaiya clearly showed a disregard to rules, routines, manners, and well you know... anything that could possibly make my life easier.  Miss Beebee is definitely the grand opposite of Tai.  Ying and Yang, Darth Vader and Luke, Miss Piggy and Kermit... you know the classic pairing.  Tai is truly his father's son when it comes to temperment.  He is extremely cautious, doesn't like change, is very intense and emotional and timidly approaches the world like it's going to explode on him.  Kaiya is fearless (or stupid only time will tell), either insanely happy or just mad, loathes being restricted to social norms and lives life precariously on the edge.  I knew Karma would one day bite me in the ass, I was just never prepared for it to be named Kaiya.

My girlfriend Audrey is a cancer warrior and battling the bitch with grace and humor.  This morning she posted on her blog: http://notthedestinationbut.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/nice-girl-not-too-bright/.  As always, she debates the gifts of cancer and offers a vulnerable look at her often dark and lonely road.  Through her talented writing she reminds me everyday to appreciate my blessings and to stay in the moment.  Today she brought up the topic of grandchildren so I offered up an opportunity to nanny Kaiya:

I am always here for you so I will unselfishly allow you to be my personal Nanny of my brood. No, no, no… it’s really not a problem at all. Feel free to chase Kaiya around while she is screaming bloody murder because she feels clothing restricts her from experiencing everything life has to offer. She also enjoys peeling off her diapers and peeing in the public eye – because let’s face it, doing it privately is so 24 hours ago. Attempt to convince her that one sits to eat is like wrestling a crack-out alligator. And forget about using words and proper manners, screeching to the point of alarming all canines within a 200 kilometer radius is a way more effective form of communication. Like I said, I am a sharing kind of gal.

Her hilarious response:
H-Dawg – You give and you give and you give! Such a wee martyr you are, my beloved friend.
Okay, here is the deal….I will take on Ms Kaiya (who I can’t wait to meet, by the way) as long as she understands the following:
1) I do not climb trees in my bare feet in order to hang a swing
2) Nudity is fine if and only if, you declare it as streaking, and that you are making a political statement by doing so
3) Peeing in public is permissible only in front of those who have pissed you off
4) Sitting to eat causes a person to relax. That could potentially lead to a lack of sense of purpose. The girl wins this one.
5) Manners, schmanners. Overrated! Again, this one goes to Ms Kaiya.
Love and hugs to you and your wild child xoxoxo

Now this is where the science experiment of parenting really gets interesting.  When Tai was born I had one glorious year of maternity leave.  I read all the books, studied up on all the latest research and agonized over every parenting decision.  I did imprint myself heavily on Tai so despite his "nature" he has been "nurtured" and has grown into a sensitive, beautifully polite, methodical thinker that communicates and processes information well beyond an average 5 year old.  He is also extremely confident (to the point that's it's almost cocky), has no problem approaching complete strangers to talk their ear off and will negotiate his way to Timbuck to if he's allowed.

When Kaiya was born I had 2 very short months with her and it was back to work for me since being an entrepreneur meant there was no such thing as maternity pay.  Chris became the nurturer and since he prefers parenting more organically, Kaiya's behavior amplified into... um... a Tazmanian Devil.  No word of a lie, that is her energy level.  She even scares her Nona who normally isn't scared of anybody after raising 5 boys.  As a baby, she never became attached to any of the normal soothing props.  She spitefully spat out the soothers, aggressively kicked off all her blankets, shrieked like a Banshee at the mobiles, and delightfully sacrificed all plush toys to Penny to chew on.  Ironically, just recently she has been attached to this giant Stitch doll.  If you ever watch Lilo and Stitch, Kaiya embodies both spirits so seeing her drag around a blue Stitch half the size of her is hilariously poetic - Lilo & Stitch just so happens to be my favorite movie.

Another wonderful trait of Kaiya is that she is extremely clumsy.  She falls, trips, bashes her head, scars her legs, bruises her face and the latest talent was she some how managed to chip her front left tooth.  Yesterday I saw her in a satnding position and literally, without any reason or cause she just fell over... ya, just like that... because you know humans do that all the time... fall over from a standing position for no apparent reason (I ruled out being inebriated at this stage).  How wonderfully red neck of my child to be sportin' a chipped tooth.  She has officially graduated from "Smallish Bear" to "Snaggletooth."

Mother's Day is approaching this Sunday and it dawned on me that I never blogged about Miss Kaiya (because we all know the second child get's screwed from an attention point of view).  After I finally wrestled her into bed I figured I would unleash "Hulk Smash" onto the Blog world, if only at least once.  I mean, my golden child Tai did have an entire year so this was the least I could do (plus it will keep the impending therapy bills down).  As my enlightened friend Audrey responded:

H-Dawg – I think from the sounds of things, my little Vietnamese terrorist Mommy, that the Kaiya apple does not fall far from the tree. Which means that I will love, admire and respect her very much.

Well said Audrey... that'll do.

The Devil Wears Prada

A Glitch In The Matrix

There is a cosmic law which states that your reality must remain congruent with your beliefs.  On my last post, I prematurely stated that I had a weird experience that wasn't of the usual paranormal flavor which has dominated my blog since its inception.  Today, there was a news feed on my Facebook (which I did re-post on my wall) highlighting a You Tube video of Cheryl Lee Harnish, an intuitive conducting a reading for this week.  Bored and highly intrigued I clicked on her video and selected my lucky number 22.  As soon as she started talking my spidey senses kicked in and I felt all prickly skinned.  When she explained the card I had selected, it resonated so much that I decided to creep her out on her website.  There is a function there that allows you to pick a card and so I did: http://fractalart.ca/the-goods/the-cards/dgod-online-reading.html  

This is the card I selected:

Ummmm... ya, I slightly freaked.  I screamed bloody murder and called Chris over to verify that I am not going crazy.  He comes over and nonchalantly reads the screen and says, "Well that's a bit weird," and then walks out of the room like nothing major has happened.  Fine, be cautiously skeptical.  I on the other hand will take it that a higher power is sending me a sign.  Chris will read it as a computer glitch.  Luckily, my sister was on Facebook chat and she tells me that she was half heartedly watching something on TV about 11:11.  In a previous post I noted that I kept seeing repeated 1's everywhere especially when I stopped to observe the time and it's 11:11 or 1:11 .  I only noticed this last year but now it's persistently and eerily sneaking in almost every possible facet of my life.  I once read a book that hypothesized this repetition of numbers was a way for the higher beings to communicate with you in your time of need.  If you felt alone on your path or stressed or in distress, this was a way for your Angels to say, "Hey, no worries, we're hanging out with you and everything will fine!"  When I pressed Steph to elaborate on the content, she just shrugged it off and admitted that she wasn't really paying attention.  Thanks Steph... you're an awesome sidekick.  I am sure Batman didn't have this issue with Robin.  On a total tangent, why is good help so hard to find these days and what is up with Generation Entitlement?  Anyways, that topic is great fodder for another ranting post but not today.  After I vocalized my dismay, my sidekick took the hint and kicked it up a notch.  She found this interesting link: http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2009/02/1111/. 

I quickly scanned my numbers and realized the following coincidences.  These are the house numbers I have lived in since I was 17:

11551 Seabay Road = three 1's

5600 Andrews Road = 5+6 = 11

11231 No. 2 Road = three 1's

11591 Sealoard Road = three 1's

My store address is:

#110-12480 No. 1 Road = four 1's

The list of my phone numbers:

274-8341 = 2+7+4+8+3+4+1 = 29 = 2+9 = 11

786-0926 = 7+8+6+0+9+2+6 = 38 = 3 + 8 = 11

604-447-4657 = 6+0+4+4+4+7+4+6+5+7 = 47 = 4+7 = 11

Tai's birthdate is January 11, 2007 = three 1's

The author states, "If you choose to maintain your old beliefs, you cannot be shown anything that would violate them. However, once you shed the old beliefs and embrace new ones, the proof you originally sought will be readily forthcoming. When you consciously ask to see reality accurately, some amazing things will begin to occur, gently at first, then with increasing strength and presence."

Today I am accepting that my previous reality is flawed.  I would like to see what a different truth which I know will only be revealed once I am ready.  When I finally said that, I was clicking on links in preparation of this blog and this is what pulled up... no joke: http://fractalart.ca/the-goods/the-cards/online-card-reading-its-free.html

So apparently there is a glitch in this matrix and my crack is starting to show... as with most cracks... this one ain't that pretty. 

If you're reading this blog (and I know lots of people do because my stats show some crazy numbers on my traffic thing-a-ma-jig) please leave me a comment as I would love to hear your thoughts.

I Have What?

On March 13 I had a really bizarre sensation.  This time it had nothing to do with paranormal activity.  I woke up feeling funny but dismissed it since I am a mother of two and had a world to conquer.  I go about my day and start work at the store.  The entire day I felt like something was sitting on my chest and I just felt "anxious."  I actually don't feel anxious but I guess if I did, this would be the best word to describe my sensation.  I would be doing my mundane things at work, like sweeping, taking money, talking about how shitty our weather is, selling people pretty things they don't really need but definitely I need them to have and so on.  I have done this millions of times... yet every action I did I felt anxious about doing it.  Near the end of my day I was exhausted from feeling "anxious."  My mind also functioned at a sluggish pace and my eyes felt like they weren't really taking in all the stimulation of my environment.

I went home and told my sister my strange feelings.  Being the loving person that she is, she perkily chirped, "It sounds like you're having a heart attack.  Did you know heart attacks in women are more subtle so women die from it all the time because they dismiss it?"  Well, if I didn't have a heart attack I certainly did after Steph's non-academically haphazard assessment.  Of course I jump onto the Internet and do what you're not suppose to do and self diagnose my symptoms.  Sure enough, according to the black and white print on my screen I was experiencing a major coronary heart failure... So what if I am perfectly healthy, have no major surgeries, don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs, eat well and sleep well and only 34 (Gawd, I sound so boring)?  It also didn't help that in big bold letters on this government funded website it says: Don't worry that your symptoms could end up being a false alarm or a sign of some other condition. Not getting help could cost you your life.  I attempt to dismiss the extreme prognosis by Facebook chatting a nurse friend of mine and she politely tells me in broken messages: Dude, chill out. Ur jist stressed. Go drink beer. 

I slunk down to Lairay's garage and explain to both my siblings that according to the website I had heart failure.  Steph has moved past any concerns for my imminent death and has started admiring her crafty wedding hangers that she manipulated into fancy names like: Bride.  Lairay is chirping in his high pitch "doggy" voice to convince his Yorkie Terrier that she really is the prettiest puppy on the block.  Clearly, my notification to my next of kin fell on deaf ears.  Realizing my attention was defeated by a hanger and a mop dog I protested, "Maybe I should go to the hospital."  Both paused and offered to drive me there if I felt it was necessary.  I didn't have the energy for drama in ER so I went to bed instead and quietly said a prayer to keep me safe in my sleep.

On March 23 I woke up feeling really unwell.  Chris let me sleep an extra hour and started kids on their morning routine.  I had a long lists of things to take care of so I forced myself into the shower and begrudgingly trotted through the trenches.  Just before leaving the house I had this overwhelming surge of nausea and ran to the bathroom to puke.  Great... nothing like kicking off the morning with a fresh pot of vomit.  Running already behind I jumped into my car and started the drive to my first stop, a wholesaler in Burnaby.  On route, the same sensation that over took me last Tuesday started manifesting itself.  I had to really concentrate on my driving because I felt my mind was foggy and my alertness was diluted.  When I went into the warehouse I started to really feel off.  Suddenly, the room started to spin, I felt uneasy on my feet and had to lean on a shelving unit for balance.  I felt extremely nauseous, my heart was racing, I can feel my temperature rising and I realized I might have been at the point of blacking out.  I sat down to steady myself and my chest felt extremely tight and I can hear my heart pounding in my ears.  I think I sat on the floor for about 15 minutes before I felt strong enough to stand.  I gathered my composure, went to pay for everything and then loaded the car.  As I was driving I noticed that although the nausea diminshed, the rapid heart beat was still pounding so loudly that I can hear it above Adam Levine's and Christina's "Moves Like Jagger" which was blasting.  Finally some neurons fired to the correct synapse and I decided to drive myself to Richmond Hospital.

As I walked through ER I can see the room was packed and in the corner of my eye, a young man had a metal rod impaled through his calf and he was screaming in obvious pain.  I walked up to triage and explained what happened.  The nurse assigned me immediately to a room and before I knew it, four nurses and a doctor had me changed into a gown, flat on my back with electrodes hooked up to machines.  I wasn't prepared for the onset of total invasion so I started to tear up in fear more than pain.  As per usual, my veins went into hiding and it took 3 attempts and 2 collapses valves later to find an IV.  Nine vials of blood, one urine sample, a chest x-ray, one bag of Gravol, one bag of Saline, hours worth of EKG readings, one dinner serving that looked pre-chewed, one parking ticket and seven hours later I was finally discharged.  The good news is I am not pregnant and I was able to successfully dispute my $75 parking violation.  The bad news is that they found extra heart beats throughout my echocardiograms which normally is not a big deal but in the Asian population can be an indicator for some type of heart disease. 

Yesterday my consultation with a cardiologist confirms that I have PVCs... a premature ventricular contraction.  In stupid talk it means my heart has extra heart beats to make up for... a blood clot, busted valves, poor arteries... dancing unicorns... whatever.  In my case, the misfirings are so loud that the cardiologist didn't even need his simple stethoscope to feel them.  Again, the good news is that I am not crazy and yes I can hear my heart beats (now for the voices in my head...)  After reviewing my health history he is not too overly concerned but yes, the trigger for this could be all the stress that has compounded for the last 2 years.

I have 3 more exploratory tests to rule out malignant heart issues.  On Saturday I will be wearing a heart monitor for 24 hours to see if my PVCs are consistent or intermittent.  I also have a stress test and a ultrasound lined up in the next few weeks.  In the meantime my heart continues to flutter, palipate funny, miss heart beats and if nothing, causing me a great deal of emotional distress.  I always knew I beat to the rhythm of a different drummer but seriously, this is not exactly what I had in mind.

One Way Ticket To Bora Bora

I am feeling rebellious.  I am tired of all the responsibilities of adulthood.  I despise paying taxes, paying bills, planning for retirement, eating healthy, saving for my children's education, reading all the whack-out politics, seeing people abuse positions of power, convincing a toddler to behave, teaching a pre-schooler the art of manners, encouraging negative people that life is worth living passionately for, carrying the burden of slackers, defending what is mine and bridging the gap of stupid people.  I guess you can say I have become a cesspool of bitchiness and I'm really starting to offend even myself.  Which is strange... because usually I am my own number one cheerleader and I can amuse myself with my witty monologues for endless hours.

Laura chats with me on Facebook in an attempt to soothe the madness that my life has taken on in the last two years.  I appreciate her empathy and on my good nights I do try to "let the moment pass" as she advise but most of the nights I am just steaming mad that my perfectly planned scheme is perfectly chaotic.  I guess I really shouldn't be that surprised.  I knew this day would come. 

When I was younger I wanted to save the whales.  I figured a profession as a marine biologist or a veternarian was a good match for my compassion for Nature and all her creatures.  Some where in high school a charismatic business teacher inspired me to build an empire and so began my descent into the dark side of capitalism.  Even in my tender teens I knew that perhaps this consumeristic economy wasn't sustainable so I tried to justify that I will just "become filthy rich" and give money to the David Suzuki's of the world to buy my soul back.  In University I always got the strangest look when I tried to explain to people that I had a joint major in Environmental Studies in the Faculty of Geography and a Marketing degree in Business.  It was like trying to explain that you really are a Nun but you just so happened to run a Brothel.

So since I was 16 I have honed my business skills and have taken big box empires to new heights often claiming number 1 in sales and loving every step of my career.  18 years later I am revisiting if I really am on the right path.  Everything I thought I had carefully built is slowly dismantling itself.  It's almost like it's the Universe's way of telling me this path is no longer available so I need to seek out another route.

I figured the day I become spiritually empty as a person is the day I return to my roots as an Ambassador of a Nature.  Life is simplier in this outlook.  I define myself by not the income on my tax return but rather by the richness of my relationships.  Instead of asking for more, I am appreciating what I have.  I would surround myself in peace rather than don another survival suit in a meaningless rat race. 

I have been fantasizing about running away to a remote place like Bora Bora.  Where the hardest question is to appreciate the sunrise or to appreciate the sunset?  Where I deplug from the negativity and coccoon myself in the art of enjoying life.  I would like to spend my days reading, writing, creating and contemplating instead of analyzing, strategizing and forecasting.  I would like to teach my babies the power of love, laughter and compassion then educate them on the bullies and pedophiles that lurk in our corners.  I would rather trade my 3,000 square foot home (valued at almost an obnoxious million dollars) for a treehouse in the rainforest.  Running around bare breasted in a loin cloth, singing songs, braiding my hair and eating grubs is appealing more to me right about now.

It is said, when old systems no longer work it will be dismantled so new ones can be created.  I think I have finally let go and come to the realization that it's time to step into an Enlightened Period.

   

Adding Value

I can be stubborn... or determined, it's all how your perception allows you to see the world.  In my stubborn state I will exert a credible amount of energy to resist doing what you ask.  In fact, more energy is spent standing my ground then if I just followed and got whatever task was asked of me over and done with.  In my determined state, I am stagnant, mulling over my task and applying the dreaded... Why?  My managers, teachers, parents and all authorative figures either learn to answer THE question, otherwise they are met with futile results.  The clever ones that understand my need to connect to a bigger picture I have adopted as mentors, whether it be in my personal or professional world.  I need value as to why I need to apply an exact amount of energy to accomplish something.  Doing something just for the sake of doing it never gets me motivated to do that task at all let alone well. 

I think this is where I lost my mojo.  My sister and I were debating my usual musings about the Universe, strange vibrations and all that "spiritual" things that I can openly discuss last week.  Okay so maybe Stephanie just muses over my rantings and communication is usually a one way street where I do the yakking and Steph just listens.  But on this rare night, my baby sister actually gave me an epiphany into my uncomfortable state of being. 

One of the coping skills I often use in the navigation of life is I put people I admire on a pedestal, cultivate a relationship with them and bombard them with a bazillion questions as to "why" they did what they did, and "what" would they do differently knowing what they know now.  I know, that last sentence was probably vernacularly structured totally convoluted but if you read it slowly and pause to ponder it makes perfect sense.  I "studied" their successes which then allowed me to go through my own learning curve pretty much flawlessly if I studied properly.  Contrary to what my ego may project, I am a student of great humility and know that I know very little.

Well, I suspect my mojo started to waver when I accomplished many of my goals in 2010 but I never really felt fulfilled?  Bizarre when you say it out loud.  As a textbook Type A personality I have my life mapped out.  As stated above, I don't move on my map unless I have a destination.  My map was that I lead a life as a good person and help out wherever I can (my Asian parents would be so proud that I listened to them amongst all the beatings)!  I would finish school with high grades and get into a good University with a scholarship.  I would obtain a degree.  I would get a great job filled with endless opportunities and I make tons of mistakes at the expense of someone's pocketbooks.  I would marry my bestfriend who would take care of me and my children better than I would.  I would start my own business and apply all my knowledge that I acquired into it and watch it grow.  I would start my own family and teach my little ones everything I know and watch them grow.  Sounds perfectly solid no?  With the exception of the time I broke into the local school to vandalize and got caught in the shower with a boy, my life map had very little speed bumps.

So what the hell happened in 2010?  Well remember on September 10, 2011 the Lower Mainland experienced an Earthquake that registered 6.4 on the Richter scale.  It didn't cause any damage and for the majority of people they felt nothing.  That morning I woke up feeling like shit and when I looked into the mirror to get ready I was shocked to see my own image because it looked like ike the ugly bus hit me.  I dragged myself into work and puttered through my ambitious list but was battling what felt like a migraine and hangover.  I dismissed the bizarre feelings and around noon reports started coming in about the earthquake.  My part-timer and I noted that it was so weird we too didn't feel any movement.  Approximately an hour after I heard about the news a woman and her friend came into the store.  I approached her and greeted her like every other customer and then blurted out, "Hey, did you ladies feel the earthquake?"

She turned to me, shot this wild look and said, "No, what earthquake are you talking about?"  I brought her up to speed on the details and she said, "Well that would explain why I woke up this morning feeling very off."  Her words took my breath away because now that she mentioned it, that's how my morning started as well.  Out of the blue I randomly asked, "Are you a clairvoyant?"  She looks deep into my eyes and answered softly, "Yes I am why do you ask?"  That electrical shock that I am starting to notice happens quite often when I am in the zone "of weird shit I can't explain" started shooting through my system.  "I'm sorry, I have no idea why I asked you that!  You must think that was so weird," I stuttered apologetically.

The kind woman smiled back, "No I don't find it weird at all.  You asked because you are one too which I sensed when I entered the store."  She goes on and explains that when the Earth goes through events, she can sense the disturbance in the normal vibration that it emits.  She explains that all things on Earth are made of energy.  So far because it's scientifically based, I am following her explanation.  If we are all energy then each form on Earth emits a certain vibration.  When the normal frequency is off, those sensitive to it are also thrown off.  The analogy is you can't harmoniously hum in tune if someone in your choir sings off-key.  It throws off your groove.

She then states, "How many people did you ask about the earthquake since knowing about it?"  Ummm... okay that is an odd question but since you are non threatening I'll play ball, "No one, you're the first."  "How many people came into the store before you asked me?"  Wow... I feel like I am being led into a trap.  I swallowed, "About a dozen or so." "Do you find it strange that you asked me and no one else?" "Yes, well now that you phrased it in that context that is strange..." "Well it's not strange.  We are suppose to meet.  The question is WHY?"  She gives me her business card.  Her name is Shamira Virji and according to her pretty purple card she offers clairvoyant readings, spiritual coaching and meditation. 

Realizing that she might add value, I ask her if she feels that the world seemed off it's kilter?  Like maybe it's rotating funny?  She takes a deep breath and tells me that the Earth is definitely vibrating differently and it's change in vibration has affected many lives.  Hmmmm... I feel a hypothesis formulating here.  Shamira can tell I wanted to ask her a million other questions and she politely stops me and tells me to pull her card when I feel more clear about the questions I need to ask.  I take the hint and wish her a good day.

I call my friend Laura that night to tell her about my experience in my store.  Like Yoda, she tells me not to read too much into things and take them as a blessing.  She did confirm that Shamira's theory was very similar to one that was shared at a conference she was at.  Apparently there is a consensus that the Earth is vibrating at a different frequency then before with the purpose of dismantling an economy based on unsustainable, excessive consumption.  By doing this, Earth can bring us back to our life's purpose.  So me eating at McDicks and feeling all glorious in name brands like Coach and Lululemon is not assisting me in my life's purpose?  Wow... shocker I know.  The creepy thing is that this theory would explain the shitty economy and also how I currently feel. 

Now going back to my sister's brilliant observation.  Up until last year, I officially had no mentor.  Not one.  How come?  How is it possible that a life coping skill that I have applied as long as I can remembered not be in effect?  She points out it's because I have outgrown all of my current ones.  Oh... well that's shitty... so I am swimming in the sea of life and I have no wetsuit or even a damn lifejacket?  No wonder I feel like I'm drowning.

That's my big epiphany.  I did not have to lose everything I love or climbed the sacred mountain in Peru (although it is on my bucket list) or run away into the remote jungle and live off of bugs.  I was sitting in the comfort of the home I worked really hard to build, surrounded by the people I worked really hard to keep happy and safe and... drinking.  So perhaps the Earth is vibrating us into extinction, and perhaps I am embarking on a new journey that was never mapped in the Book of Huong and perhaps in ten years time this Blog will be documented evidence of the descent into insanity.  I am not sure.  What I am sure of however is that I need the Why and to get that I need to seek out a new mentor. 





 

11-11-11

I have not blogged for over 3 months because my life has been mentally hectic.  Today I am making the time to do it (even though I would prefer sleeping) because it's 11-11-11.  Technically because I am posting this at 12:52A it's already passed the auspicious date but in my world the new day does not start until I have gone to bed.

I am just going to throw this out there and it ain't gonna be pretty... anyone else out there feel like the world is off it's rotation?  If you know me, you should know that I am a very positive person, cynical yes, but I see the world as my oyster and the glass is always full.  Since the middle of last year I have been struggling to beam rays of sunshine from this Care Bear.  Not sure why.  I started noticing this and dismissed it as possibly the economic downturn, perhaps it's old age and I'm just crabby or even a bit of the post baby blues from juggling a baby, a toddler and a new business.  Then I started to be aware of the people around me.  Friends and family were are all entering major shifts in their lives.  We're not talking changing underwear here or trying out a new recipe.  People were changing careers, questioning long time relationships, uprooting their families and moving.  And these were just some of the more stable friends.

Personally I have been feeling anxious.  I don't normally feel anxious so I didn't realize it was anxiety until someone close to me was clinically labelled with depression.  After observing the behaviors I recognized this odd feeling as "anxiety."  I am a person that thrives in chaos.  Ask any former manager of mine, and they will report that my true colors show when I am plunked right in the middle of mayhem.  The adrenaline starts pumping and instinct takes over.  I am sure a junkie goes through this same high.  Nope... this is definitely not a natural "Huong" emotion and I am highly uncomfortable with it.  When something like this happens I kind of withdraw, start being introspective and just observe...  I quietly gather my thoughts, assimilate information, formulate questions, seek answers and methodically apply trial and error hypothesis.

Well here are some interesting observations I have molded, digested and now spitting out for trial.  I know I must attract a different sort of energy and I am able to perceive other people's energy.  You may label this as an intuitive or clairvoyant.  All my life I just assumed I was a good people reader.  If you're following my blog I would have to assume you have met me in the flesh thus you have been subjected to my witty banters (well they are witty in my head).  Would you not agree that I am a good reader of your character, that I understand your core and that somehow I created a connection with you that seemed to have transcended time even though our relationship has not been cultivated for that long?  I have been told that I have.  Up until a couple months ago I just thought I was a good people reader but it has been brought to my attention from another intuitive that I have a gift of reading your energy level that normally is not visible.  I "get" people and that's why I have been successful (so far) in my life.  Apparently I translate energy vibrations so I intuitively know who to surround myself with, who to avoid and why you behave the way you do.  A random intuitive in a mall recently told me this but I won't digress from my point of topic (but will reserve it for a future one)!  And all this time I just thought I was super smart... nope, I just know how to read you and act accordingly to that in my favor.  It all makes sense now why I always knew who the liars, frauds, and scums of the earths were. 

Second strange epiphany is that I have been plagued with headaches all my life.  Ask my mom, she bought Costco sized Tylenol and Advil because I popped them like Skittles growing up.  I have been told by another person that I am "sensitive" to the Earth's vibration.  Again, another random psychic told me this when I was in my store and again, I will expand on this in a future blog.  I suspected this because every time there was a low pressure system brewing my migraines kicked into overdrive.  I also noticed that when there was some kind of weather disaster like the last earthquake we had I would wake up feeling like the effin ugly bus hit me.

So, here's my hypothesis.  Something is truly broken with the world we are currently living in.  For those of us that are sensitive to this, we are uncomfortable with the current vibrations so we're making huge life changes in an attempt to find our normal "groove."  I think I lost my groove.  Or perhaps I never had it but my current normal feels abnormal so I am seeking something... an explanation... something calming... something fulfilling... something that gives more meaning to the chaos.

I closed the store today to remember 11-11-11.  I was able to just hang out in my pyjamas, clean up my nest and stare in awe at my babies and how fast they have grown.  Perhaps staying in the moment keeps you sane from the chaos.  And perhaps all those years of popping the pills to dull the senses on my uber sensitive antennaes was an act of self preservation because ever since I had kids, the channels seem to be receiving too much information.

Pennies From Heaven

I feel compelled to post today.  So much in fact that I have broken my regular routine of tucking my little ones in bed, cleaning up all their toys so I don't kill myself slipping on it in the middle of the night and pouring myself a drink to bring the high octane of my brain down to a soft hum.  Instead, I am sitting in my store at 6:45P, listening to the white noise of the HVAC system and enjoying the filtered sun rays through our windows.  I really should be home to ask my babies how their day was and relieving my over-worked yet amazing husband for holding down the home fort.  But for right now, I am compelled to connect which means I need to write.

Last year my girlfriend Silvia had purchased a home with the intention of building her dream, forever house on it.  When she introduced her cute little beach cottage it was on a rainy and dark day... I know, so cliche and a perfect backdrop of all things creepy.  Silvia prefers a softly lit room of candles during the evenings and she usually has them sprinkled throughout the home including the washrooms.  I had to use the washroom so I excused myself and enjoyed my quiet time in the candle lit bathroom.  I usually love the soft lighting but I remembered feeling uneasy when I entered the room.  I sat down, did my thing and sat up.  Because the toilet is positioned right in front of the vanity mirror I freaked myself out.  I was not expecting to see a face looking at me so the image was startling.  At first I thought I saw someone and when I realized it was my own reflection I dismissed the poorly lit bathroom as a form of visual trickery.  Although my mind rationalized it, my heart was still racing.

After dinner Silvia wanted to grab some Curlys snacks stored in her basement so she asked if Tai and I wanted a tour.  Being nosy, of course I went with her.  We trottled down the back staircase and I paused at the room directly underneath the bathroom.  I blurted, "Did someone die in your house?"  Silvia is used to my random questions but this particular one did shake her a bit, "Yes why?"

"Was it a man and did he die in this room?" I pointed to a door that led to the room below the bathroom.  Silvia explains that her neighbors had told her that a man committed suicide in the basement and she does think it was that room.  She doesn't really know of any other details.  The little hairs on my neck started standing up and I shot her THAT look.  Silvia brushes off my intuition and  reassures my that she has never picked up any negative energy when she moved into the house.  I tried to accept her verison but I really couldn't shake the feeling that something was off.  I tried to be brave and when I entered the basement a giant, full sized witch greeted me in the musky basement.  I almost pooped my pants but being the cool, calm and collected person that Silvia is, she giggled at the strong reaction.  Silvia has a thing for collecting Halloween paraphenlia and apparently she had to buy this witch who just so happened to happily live in the creepy basement.  Freakin' fantastic.  Since Tai was with me, I wanted to appear that nothing was OVERLY spooky about this basement because he's very sensitive on my energies and can relay them.  I was grateful when we accomplished the mission of retrieving the snacks without any other incident.

About 6 months after that day I had a horrible nightmare.  I dreamt about the man that committed suicide in Silvia's basement.  He told me that he was possessed by a demon and the demon was trying to get him to commit horroble acts like hurting the people he loved.  Everyone thought he was just crazy but he wasn't.  The only way to protect his family was to commit suicide so the demon didn't have a phyiscal body as a conduit.  The man warned me that if they demolished the house, it will unleash that demon again and he was going to go after Tai because he was hyper sensitive to that energy.  In the dream, I fought tooth and nail saving Tai from the same fate.  The dream was so intense that when I woke up I was so disoriented as to what actually happened.  My pillow was soaked with tears from my crying and every muscle in my body hurt.  It felt like I was battling something.  I immediately went to Tai's room for reassurance that everything was just a dream.  I told Chris about my nightmare and asked if I should even tell Silvia.  Maybe it was just me being a freak and nothing is really wrong with the cute, little bungalow.

I finally did tell my friend about a month after the nightmare.  Silvia is very level headed and not a believer in spiritual things but she is open minded to concepts beyond what we can see and touch.  We figured maybe it is a sign so just to be cautious we should bless the house.  However, since it was my "feeling" I needed to go and find how someone goes about doing this type of thing.  It's not exactly a service offered in the Yellow Pages.

When I went to go see the pyschic Annar she confirmed my gut.  All I had to do was show her a picture of my friend Silvia.  Annar immediately told me that Silvia had a negative energy stuck in her house and I was able to pick up on it.  I was so relieved that someone else affirmed this and that I wasn't going crazy.  I asked her if I could pay her to come out to bless it.  Annar matter of factly told me that I can do it myself.  I shot her a confused look.  I decorate houses and make them pretty.  I don't do exorcisms.  She confidently lectured that my Spirit team was highly functional and I had the energy force to take care of it.  She reassures me that I was highly capable of doing it myself and it was time to start practicing.  "I know how to take out the trash to the curbside.  I don't know how to send boogey monsters back to where ever they came from," I declared.  Annar ignores my inside voice and tells me the logistics of exactly how one goes about blessing a house.

Armed with a box of salt, Silvia and I arrive on site.  The cottage is gone and all we have left is a poured concrete foundation of her dream house.  The sun was shining and the birds were out chirping.  The plan was that I do my "thing" and Silvia sits in my car just in case.  In case of what... we don't really speak of it but we know.  I feel terribly out of place and incredibly silly.  "So, this box of salt is the fine line of saving Silvia from demons?"  Well, apparently that's what Annar says.  I am suppose to sprinkle the house with salt and enclose the property in a circle of white light.  Hmmmm...

"Okay peeps upstairs let get this done!"  I recalled the hypnotherapist session that Laura conducted and tried to prepare my mind for calmness and emptiness.  As I started sprinkling, I asked my Spirits to embrace Silvia's home in a protective embrace of positive white light.  Any negative, dark energy needs to leave the home and is not wanted here.  I started at the door and repeated this mantra as I sprinkled the salt in a counter clock-wise.  In true Huong form, my mind starts chattering during this sacred process... "I hope her neighbors aren't looking out the door and wondering what the hell is this short Asian lady doing in our white hood of Twassassen?  And what the hell is she sprinkling?  Is that rat poison?  Perhaps cocaine?"  I was sure by the end of it the police was going to be called.

As I was nearing the end of my circle I sprinkled right over something sparkly.  Like all women, I couldn't resist shiny objects so I stopped momentarily to pick it up.  In my hand was a gold token in the form of a coin.  Ironically it was stamped with "No value."  I looked at it closer and then that same electricity started shooting through my veins when the realization hit me.  My peeps had sent me a "penny from Heaven!"  If you recalled my session with Laura, she had pulled a Tarot card to see if she had an answer as to why I was seeing her that night.  The card depicted I was surrounded by Angels and through her meditation she had told me that "pennies from Heaven and double rainbows" would be signs that I was on the right path or that my team was watching over me.

I beamed, my heart lifted and I finished my exercise of enclosing the circle.  I triumphantly walked over to Silvia who was patiently on standby in the car.  I handed her the coin and told her about my find.  Her big blue eyes got giant.  She shared that because I was taking so long she peeked  into the rear view mirror to check on me and she saw me bending down to pick up something.  So at that same moment, she witnessed that sacred message. 

Again, it probably was an old gold coin lost from a child's board game that was kicking around the building site.  Coincidentally, it just so happened to surface as I was sprinkling salt over it.

So, don’t pass by that penny, when you’re feeling blue. It may be a penny from heaven, that an Angel’s tossed to you – Charles Marshburn