The Gift Of Mortality

Logically I knew this day would come.  In my heart though I really wished for a miracle.  When Silvia sadly shared the heavy news on Audrey's health I can hear my heart shattering into a million pieces.  It was like someone took an elephant shot gun and fired it point blank at a delicate piece of glass.  My heart started racing and the palpitations were beating so fiercely in my ears that it was maddening.  In a trance I put the phone down and the tears uncontrollably started flowing.

I was at work and luckily it was slow because I cried the rest of the day.  I didn't want to talk about it.  I didn't feel like eating.  I didn't want to rationalize my feelings.  Actually, I just went numb and didn't feel like feeling anything.  It just hurts. 

Audrey and I met at IKEA.  It was the first day of orientation and this petite woman with fiery red hair was snickering something to her friend when we were introducing ourselves to our new team.  Some how she found great humor in the fact that there was a "Dick" and "Huong" (pronounced "Hung") working in the same building as she did.  Being the unabashedly-inappropriate-gutter-thinking-Miss-Sassy-Pants that she is, she offered the following observation, "Hey you and Dick should sit beside each other then I can say, Hello Huong Dick!"  She then rolled over into laughter literally killing herself at her cleverness.  Annoyed that this much older woman was blowing a gasket at my expense, I rolled my eyes and in the whiniest voice I can imitate I innocently asked, "What are you... two?"  "Actually I'm four!" she proudly announces.  It was LOVE at first sight.

Every time Audrey and I get together the sparks fly.  You know how budgies sits contently on the perch staring into the mirror for hours saying, "Pretty bird!"  Well... ya, this is the core of our relationship.  Audrey and I share the same passion for (*ahem) making fun of stupid people, defying authority figures, talking our way out of any situation and enjoying the adventures of life.  Let's just say upper management was always in fear whenever we decided to agree on a topic that was not popular management opinion.  We snickered petty comments through big yawn fests such as meetings and corporate leadership bullshit workshops.  We took extended coffee and ice cream breaks.  We were always hushed in the office and glared at for being rowdy.  We knew how to have a good time and didn't really care if you heard or it affected your productivity levels.

Our friendship bloomed outside the four Swedish blue walls.  Most of the time it involved some form of fermented wheat or grape but the robust discussions of life and the meanderings of its meaning always weaved its way into the debates.  We are prolific debaters.  We pondered about living outside our comfort zones and chasing our real dreams.  We digested and scrutinized what obstacles were holding us back.  Audrey is one of the very few people in my life that can keep up with my unquenching thirst for knowledge.  Every second spent with Audrey ignited every cell in me.  Her energy is just beautifully incredible.

Have you ever had those moments when you meet a person and without sounding totally stalkerish your Spirit just screams, "YOU are going to be my new best friend!" yet you have never exchanged one word?  You just... KNEW.  This is the case with Audrey for me.

Four years ago Audrey was diagnosed with cervical cancer.  Four years ago, Audrey shifted from being a friend to being an inspirational mentor.  She started her Blog to document her journey and more than anything to connect with people so we can learn the REAL essence of being human.  She is a talented writer but always was unsure of her ability.  Like many of us, she created obstacles as to why she couldn't live her dream when she was healthy.  It took cancer to finally live her dream.

Audrey's diagnosis really struck a chord deep within.  I abruptly gave my eight year career with IKEA the middle finger salute as it no longer brought me any happiness and started living one of my dreams of being an entrepreneur.  My dream has immersed me in the world of extreme material wealth.  Never in my wildest dream would I imagine myself involved in such luxuries.  Ironically, the people living the life of luxury are tortured souls accumulating wealth to compensate for spiritual balance.  Such a funny detour my life has taken me.  I spend a lot of time counselling their souls rather than picking the perfect herringbone fabric.  I get caught up in all this materialistic garbage and then I go home and spend a lot of time grounding myself.

I find beauty in the vibrancy of the rose fiercely blooming despite of me moving it into the shade.  I love the silence of the evening when I stare up into the vast indigo open sky and my mind wanders to the possibilities of other realms.  My heart sings when I fill my lungs with the salty air of the sea and my toes are grounded into the wet sand.  I feel humbled when the wind kisses my skin on a hot sweltering day.  When I come through the door and Kaiya screams at the top of her lungs, "Mama's home!" everything feels perfect.  These gifts are given by Audrey as each Blog she posts reminds me to appreciate the REAL meaning of life.

My face is still hurting from all the crying and through my tears I try to focus on booking the correct flight to Edmonton.  What I actually want to do is yell at God and say, "Fuck YOU man.  YOU suck ass."  My soul sister Laura calms me down and reminds me that Audrey wrote her life plan so therefore everything will unfold perfectly.  Being human means we do not have the mental capacity to see the full picture but only fragments.  What appears as imperfect is only a delusional perception.  We must TRUST that Divine plan is perfect.  My brain is working over drive to debunk her theory but my heart hums beautifully to her words.  I KNOW she is right.  We all will eventually return Home to our real state of perfect energy beings of love and light.

In the meantime, we have all accepted our perfectly imperfect human body and have a really SHORT time wearing it.  Why waste your time worrying about the future?  Why dishonor our journey by being stuck in the past?  Why disrespect your purpose by being immobilized by fear? 

Silvia travels with me to The Cross Center to visit Audrey.  As soon as we saw each other, the three of us burst into tears.  Silvia is the more mushy one of the three and she gently strokes Audrey's hair and plants gentle kisses on her beautiful face.  Audrey asks about my crazy baby girl and I throw my hands up in frustration as say, "I don't know what happened to her.  Kaiya is crazy.  I some how broke the second baby."  She starts laughing so hard which then ignites all three of us into a huge giggle fit. 

This moment feels perfect. 

(I pulled this card after I posted this Blog.)

The Haze Has Lifted

Laura is counting down the familiar numbers.  As instructed, I let out a huge exhale and feel this huge stress released from my tightly wound up body.  Today is the second time I have been under hypnosis under the loving care of Laura who I deeply trust with my... sanity?  Unlike the first time, my eyeballs start rolling like mad underneath my eyelids.  The room was spinning and I almost feel like I am going to vomit because my eyeballs just wouldn't stop rolling.  I wonder if they are going to roll out of my sockets?  As usual my running monologue gives me a chuckle (inside my head).  I even contemplated putting my hands on top of my eye lids as a way to stop the rolling. 


Oh my God, this is retarded.  If my eyeballs don't stop moving I'm going to puke from motion sickness even before I start.  In the back ground, Laura's soothing voice guides me to a deeper level of rest.  Instantly, the eye rolling stops.  My Spirit grants Laura's permission to explore my unconscious level.  I slowly descend done a spiralling staircase and off in the distance I see a grotto.  Laura slows down my descent by getting me to appreciate the texture of the rail and the treads on the staircase.  I look down and notice the marble.  Oooohh, I love Bianco Carrara!  That marble is going to look so hot on the Nygard's countertops once I get rid of that hideous black granite with nasty purple flecking.  In the near distant, Laura voice reminds me to let go of my physical world.  Damn it Huong, we are not renovating the grotto so stop analyzing it.  Slow down the brain waves.  Focus!  I softly walk down into my sacred pool.  I am enveloped in peace.  Wow this sure beats hiding out in the bathroom from the kids.  I can see now why so many people take up yoga and meditating.  Personally I have not been able to meditate and slow my brain down myself.  Even when I'm sleeping my brain is on fire.  The only time this has happened is when Laura has induced me into hypnosis so this inner peace is the STRANGEST feeling... EVER.  So this is what's it's like to get high...


I suddenly notice that I am no longer the physical person I normally see in the mirror.  In fact, I am white woman with extremely long wavy blond hair and I'm wearing a floosy sheer dress.  WTH?  Am I a fairy?  No, I don't see any wings.  Strange.  Laura instructs me to dangle my feet into the scared pond and feel the crisp cool water against my bare skin.  I reluctantly poke my big toe into the pond and then quickly pull back.  I notice the skin on my toe has Asian pigmentation even though when I look into the pond I a reflection of a white women with long blond hair smiles back.  Hahahahaha... I am a halfie!  Again I giggle at my cleverness (in my head).  Confident that I am my deepest level of rest and really deep into my unconscious, Laura starts the heavy work of discovering my Spirit.  Softly she encourages me to go towards an orb of light.  I blurt out, "I don't see any lights!"  Laura asks the Guides and Angels that are with me to surround me on my journey today and safely assist me on my way.  On cue, a little fleck the size of a Twoonie floats mid air.  Wow, she's good... I start following the floating orb out of my grotto and into a thick, smoky, cloud of... purple?


Laura asks what I see.  I yell, "I can't see anything!  I think I am in a haze, or smog, or smoke."  She asks if I am in the Light.  Ummmm... most defintely not.  I mean don't get me wrong.  The smoke isn't suffocating at all.  In fact, it feels like the warm embrace of say... cotton candy.  I am not threatened by it, I just can't see shit.  Laura once again asks the Guides to show themselves.  The same orb that popped up in the grotto jumps into view and I quickly chase it out into... white fluffy clouds.


She asks me to hold a mirror up and describe what I see.  I was a little shock to see a white guy, with long straggly brown hair.  Yeesh, if this is me, I look like an unkept homeless man that hasn't shaved in decades apparently.  Laura asks what I am doing.  I blurt out, "I am sitting on a cloud and looking at the World."  What the hell?  Who says shit like this?  "Why are you looking at the world?" Laura prods.  "Because I am watching it."  Laura asks if I am alone or with someone.  I turn to my left and a very cute, chubby white boy with the most adorable blonde ringlets and rosy cheeks smiles back at me.  I describe to her my sidekick.  She tries to get more information as to why I was looking at the world but all she got was that it was our job to keep it safe and loved.  I don't think I am actually these guys.  OMG!  I think my Guides just revealed themselves.  What?  Why do my Guides look like a homeless version of Jesus and a photoshopped verison of Cupid?


Laura takes this opportunity to ask THE question, "Spirit, what is Huong's purpose here in this lifetime?"  I easily blurt out, "To help other people on their journey.  I am a teacher here."  Well that explains why I think there are so many morons on this Earth.  She then proceeds, "What is she suppose to be teaching?"  Effortlessly the words escape my lips, "I need to acknowledge and accept my gift.  I just KNOW things.  I need to teach people the things that are KNOWN to me."  What kind of shit super hero power is that?  Oooooohhh watch out dark evil nemesis or I may unleash my power of KNOWING onto you!  Why didn't I say something like I have the gift of harnessing the sun's energy and converting it into lazer beams that shoot from my fingers.


Laura then decides to explore my past lives and asks me to move to a time of significance.  I am transported to the West Coast.  I am sitting amongst a healing circle of Native women, enjoying the heat from the fire, feeling the heavy mist from clouds that are brimming with rain and inhaling the fresh scent of the giant cedars that are towering watchfully over us.  I am an Native teacher in the circle and I'm teaching them the healing properties of plants.  I am explaining the Circle of Life and empowering everyone to remember to respect the Earth and all that she has given to us.  Laura asks if I am a Medicine Woman or a Healer.  I yell at her, "NO!  I am just a teacher!"  Whoa... that was awfully rude.  I can't believe I just yelled out at full force.  Clearly, Spirit has a sore spot with being called a Healer.


Laura motions me to my time of death.  I am surrounded by my tribe.  I am passing away from old age and have lived a good long life but I am really sad.  The tears start freely and unbashingly rolling down my cheeks and I can feel my sinus getting all clogged up with mucus.  What?  I am crying again?  Gawd I hate crying.  Everytime I see someone cry I just want to slap them.  Laura asks why I am crying.  I tell her because I have not finished what I was suppose to do in this lifetime.  She starts the healing process and lets Spirit know that I need to let go of that burden and obligation.  That obligation is not to be carried out into this lifetime and needs to just pass.  I breathe a really heavy sigh and start gasping a bit for air.  Laura see's me struggling and starts counting me out of my trance.


"Three - two - one," and with a snap of her finger my eyes fly open and I adjust my vision to her cozy surroundings.  I am speechless.  I just stare at Laura's warm eyes and unarming smile reminds me I am safe in her care.  The session was intense and surreal.   Before our session, Laura pulled a card from her deck.  She explains that the card she pulled gave her absolute shivers because during the session I declared I was in a purple fog.  I did not know this but apparently the color purple has strong symbolism with intuition and the psychic chakra.

http://www.empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com/color-purple.html: PURPLE:
Located in the center of the brow, it affects the eyes, the nose, and the intuitive self. When this area is highlighted, you will be focusing on self-respect, tolerance, perseverance, and communicating with your higher self. Your intuition is active, and dreams and visions that occur will provide important input. Your spiritual focus involves faith, turning knowledge into wisdom, and finding your life purpose. To keep this center healthy, it is imperative that you find quiet times (meditation) and seek spiritual guidance when necessary. Your body needs less food and plenty of fresh air. Inhaling purple and exhaling yellow will enhance your intuitive mind.

I have to say since this second session with Laura, I have noticed a shift in how I perceive the world.  That heaviness I had felt back in 2010 appears to have lifted and the pastures on my side are definitely greener.  I have my quirky bounce back in my steps, the flowers are blooming vividly and what once seemed negative I find hilariously entertaining.  Laura has helped me acknowledge what I always knew but the difference now is I JUST KNOW.

That's right folks, I was that annoying kid in the front of the class that raised her hand and knew all the shit.  I was the manager that confidently spoke the truth regardless if it was a popular opinion or not.  I am the friend that kindly would tell you what you don't want to hear even though your Spirit knows otherwise.  Today I am telling you that all the things you can't see with your eyes do exist.  Look with your heart, you'll see them.

When I finished my discussion with Laura that day a cluster of white butterflies came dancing out from the wooded area and across the window.  A poetic sign that reinforced the card that Laura pulled:

Miss Jessy

I visited my girlfriend's blog today.  For almost 4 years she has donned an armour of positivity and surrounded herself with Light Workers as she battles the emotionally dark and draining war of Cancer.  Audrey reminds me today that we need to perceive our life as a gift and live each day immersed in the awesomeness of LOVE.  Yes, it's totally cliche but stripped naked and down to the nitty gritty of things, it's absolutely the TRUTH. 

I have horseshoes up my J-Lo curvalicious ass.  I have been surrounded by love throughout my entire childhood and easily found love in junior high.  I guess if you study the Law of Attraction, this really isn't a surprise as you receive what you put out into this Universe.  So today I will be introducing to the Cyber world my dear friend Jessica.  The Karmic chain reaction is you will fall in love with her as I have and then spend a couple minutes cross-referencing your data bank of eligible, single men to see if you are the gate keeper to perhaps another Happily Ever After.  Remember... don't just observe the world unfold... help create the energy that makes your world rotate.

I was the new student in the school... yet again.  My parents were renters and we moved almost every year from Grade 3 until Grade 7 so I had to quickly grasp the art of making new friends or forever have the horrifying stigma as the "one" that would be picked for not fitting in.  It became a familiar routine.  The first day of every new classroom the teacher would do roll call and totally butcher the pronounciation of my non-White name thereby creating more awareness to my all ready awkward situation.  There would the usual sea of snickers and I would annoyingly stand up and practically yell: It's pronounced "Hung" as in "I hung up the phone" and then I would dramatically glare down the rest of the class.  By now the whispering has subsided because the assertiveness in my voice clearly sends a "I will kick your ass if you even think about making fun of me" signal to the brighter ones.  This survival technique has boded me well even into my later years.

It was Grade 7 at James Whiteside Elementary and my teacher was Mrs. Ticinovic (who by the way has been always one of my favorite ones).  At recess, a quiet brown girl with the longest single braid I have ever seen shyly approaches me and asks me what school I went to before.  Jessica had a big smile and we easily became good friends.  Our bond was our traditional families.  Being Asian, I wasn't allowed the usual permissions of sleeping over or spending great amounts of time loitering at 7-11 or the mall.  Topics such as boys, dying your hair, wearing the big brand names were not subjects that our parents approved of.  There were moments where we both wished we could act like the rest of the hormone walking teenagers but for the most part we enjoyed our extended childhood.  Jessica comes from a family of four siblings and like myself, is the oldest of the brood.  We had the immense pressure of walking the fine line of a blended cultural gap and trying to be the role model to our younger siblings. 

Sometime in junior high I gave up on pleasing my parents and said "Fuck this shit" (I now recognize this behavior as a teenage rite of passage and dread the day my kids do this to me).  I dyed my hair, started secretly dating, climbed out of my window in the middle of the night to go neck with Chris and left my sweet friend behind in my blazing trail.  After graduating high school, I guess the same light bulb went off in Jessica's head.  She too chopped of her long beautiful braid, dyed it crazy blonde, jumped on a cruise ship to work in their Kids Programs and partied hard for several years while seeing the world. 

We met up again in the Facebook world and started a new chapter of our friendship as parents.  Jessica's proudest achievement is her absolutely incredible daughter Jada.  Like her mom, she has a light in her eyes that can brighten up the darkest days.  The first time I met Jada, she bounced towards me with unbridled energy and gave me the biggest smile and the hardest high five.  If you stalked Jessica's Facebook profile you will notice that her entire world rotates around her beautiful Jada.  They constantly do geeky mother daughter things like get pedicures, eat ice cream, wear matching sandals and plan coordinating DIY Halloween costumes.

Jessica also goes by Miss Jessy.  She is a preschool teacher and luckily for this world she falls into the AMAZING breed.  You know, the kind that your children will always remember to their death bed (along with the Pi=3.14) because she has that special quality of connecting with your little one and making them feel like they CAN do WHATEVER they WANT if they put their minds to it?  Or making you feel like you are the ONLY one that matters?  Ya... she's THAT type of amazing.  As a person that does not get anyone less than 3 feet in height (AKA children) I have huge respect for people that enter this field.  Back when I worked at IKEA, I once had to cover a break in Smalland and I vividly remembered having this short, roundish boy come up and demand I play with him.  I blankly looked at him, puzzled at his request and then said, "No, there are other kids here that would love to play with you."  In retaliation to my answer (that he clearly did not agree with) he licked my arm.  Not just a quick little lick... like the entire length of my arm.  At that very moment, I shrivelled up and almost died.  To get licensed for Chris' daycare he had to get a form signed by our family Doctor that proved he was a responsible adult and sound of mind.  I almost peed myself laughing.  Ironically a person is not sound of mind when choosing this delicate profession... yup... in my books you're freaking nuts.  I would rather wrestle alligators in a pit of venomous cobras then man Chris' daycare. 

That being said, anyone that dedicates their life to teaching the most important people in our world holds a very special place of recognition in my books.  Partly because I can't do it and mostly because it's really, really, really hard work.  Naturally Jessica's profession is an extension of her actual personality.  When you are around her you feel like everyday is celebration and her status updates on Facebook always ends in an explanation mark!  If there is a party, Miss Jessy and Jada are most likely to be the center of it.

Other random facts of Miss Jessy.  She has been working out and eating healthy so is in the best shape I have ever seen her since I have known her (PS. I am secretly envious of you).  Jessica is a spicy East Indian who is always looking for the next adventure so will need a man that can keep up with this firecracker.  This woman has a bold style and sports sometimes electric blue and sometimes emerald green contacts. 

I guarantee you the man that falls in love with Miss Jessy will fall harder in love with Jada.  I suspect Jessica's ying to her yang requires a youthful energy and a light perspective on life.  The hardest question about Jessica's day is what flavour of ice cream one should eat.  I bet if Jada got to choose she would say the Rainbow one.

   


 

Miss Krista

Sooooo... I am on a mission.  If you know me, you will also know that this is equivalent to a dog and a bone... and this bitch rarely lets go. 

I have amazing people in my life.  Some of these people have had a tougher journey at finding love then others.  Not because they are not special (quite the contrary) but mostly because they attract the wrong type of person.  I have discovered that I am really talented at reading people and also really talented at writing (clearly being humble is not one of my qualities) so I figured that maybe I can assist the energy flow and re-align this for all the people that deserve to feel the power of love.  Yes, it's totally sappy but hey it really is the ONLY purpose in life.  Whether it's with your special someone, or with your amazing-bestest-friend-in-the-whole-wide-world, or your can't-live-without soul sister, or your children that-can't- do-no-wrong, this is the juice that makes the world go round.  If you are reading this blog, I challenge you to see if you have the missing "connector" somewhere orbiting in your life and then comment, or message me to see if we can get this deal done.  There is the perfect someone for everyone and I'm determined to prove it.

Meet Krista.  Krista is my first work wife.  She claimed that title back in the days when she worked with Chris at Best Buy.  They were the super duo that busted their ass to ensure Mr. Best Buy can add another luxury private jet to his collection.  If you don't know by now, Chris is a nerd.  I can't even give him the auspiscious title of Geek because Geeks make mega money thus buying them the honor of cool (AKA Bill Gates).  Nope, unfortunately for me this is not the case.  Chris gets really animated when anything video game, cartoons or comic related paraphenelia gets unleashed.  Bundle that with technology and what you have is a 6' walking orgasm.  If I asked him what client of ours just put a $10,000 deposit on an order, you'll get a blank look and an empty blink of his gorgeous lashes for dramatic flair.  Ask him what version of the Batman suit/costume was his favorite and all of a sudden his short term memory loss has miraculously resolved itself.  What's painful is that he will literally spend the next three weeks discussing all the versions, listed in chronological order and debate the pros and cons of each.  Given an unlimited amount of funds, he would fill his estate with Transformers, DC Comics, and all things Super Heroes.  Chris would be the TV star in "High-End Hoarders"  that made headlines because he got buried alive in plastic and die-cast metal crap made in China.  Luckily for me, our funds are limited and he has to spend it on boring things like food and electricity.

Well, Krista is the female version of my beloved Chris.  The major difference is she's shorter and she can't pee (as well) as Chris standing up.  When you get these two nerds together it's like reuniting She-Ra and He-Man... pretty much Care Bears and Rainbow Brites start shooting out of their auras for their love of all things Nerd.  I often stare in awe from the sidelines totally baffled at their "secret language" because I can't comprehend the debates of how Trunks levels up to super Saiyan 1, who's power is definitley "over 9000".  Oh, Chris and Krista also share an undying love of the Canucks.  Unlike myself, who yawns my way through at the seven minute mark of the 1st period and would pick my hockey pool on hotness factor.  To the dismay of these two diehards, I am also the first one to curse play-off facial structures.

What I respect most of Krista is her ambition.  She's in her early twenties and in the majority of her employment her leaders recognize that she is a woman that handles responsibilities and the stress that comes with it gracefully.  Even though her hobbies are youthful, her approach to life is very mature considering her life experience.  She works extremely hard and is fiercely loyal.  If I was in a war, she would be THE person that would take the bullet for me and even be gracious enough to say, "It's no big deal, that's why I have two eyes."  Her sense of humour is quick on the draw with varying levels of intelligent depth.  Like myself, there are several degrees of "burns" if you were lucky enough to be a recipient of her observations.  She is a natural giver and like most people with this gift this can become a double edge sword.  Many times, people use this to their advantage and keep withdrawing from the account without reciprocating with deposits. 

Krista gets excited about EVERYTHING in life.  She has trudged through a lot of shit but you won't find her complaining about it.  In her world, there is a positive spin on everything and she usually is the one to remind people of the silver lining.  Some other random things about her.  She is an identical twin.  She likes to think she's a bad ass and practices kick-boxing religiously 3-4 times a week.  Realistically she's more like a walking ray of sunshine with some boxing gloves.  She is studying at BCIT in the faculty of Business.  She has these beautiful blue eyes and a disarming smile.  I love her flawless skin and rich deep dark brown hair (which I have been told is naturally strawberry blonde, but she dyes it because she doesn't want people to thinks she's a ditz).   

Krista deserves a total sweetheart with a heavy dose of "nerd."  Her equal will require some mega IQ, a hilarious sense of humor, someone who is confident in themself (so has their shit together), is adventurous, and understands that Krista is their number one priority. 

P.S.  If you have a man that unbashingly owns a Green Lantern t-shirt then it's a mega bonus.    

Oh Miss Snaggletooth Kaiya

When I started my first blog, I was a new mom so my sometimes unreal experiences had enough fodder to last at least a decade.  Between the sleep deprivation, the hormonal peaks and valleys and being thrust into giving up your identity to succumb to the demands of a newborn who couldn't even figure out the basics of life, writing was a therapeutic escape.  If you missed my year long ranting and raving it's at: http://crung.livejournal.com/ - my dedication to Tai Jaeden Manson.

Kaiya Elaine Mansoncame screaming into the world on July 9, 2010.  She was my fantasy newborn.  Unlike Tai, she slept beautifully, ate effortlessly, passed gas like a seasoned pro and she had the unbelievable magic of engaging you into her happy world.  When you cuddle her, she cooed.  When you sang to her, she googled at you with her big (for a half Asian) brown eyes and smiled.  When you talked to her, she babbled confidently back like she understood everything.  I was truly in love and she melted everyone's heart that she batted her eyelashes at.  She was the complete opposite of Tai.

Then something happened around the three month mark.  Kaiya hit the milestones with record breaking speed.  Her growth charts were literally off the grid (As in she was so fat and tall that she wasn't even on the charts).  Tai was a chubby baby but Kaiya had so much girth and robusto on her that she made the Michelin Man look like he was on Jenny Craig.  When I told my friends that she was a wee tad on the "big girl" side they would just roll their eyes assuming I was exaggerating the issue.  When they finally met the little Manson heifer they soon realized why she earned the nicknames of "Beebee Hippo" and "Smallish Bear."  Clearly the Asian genes were in retreat during this stage.  I think this is when our sweet Kaiya blossomed into a raging... um... Hulk Smash.

Kaiya clearly showed a disregard to rules, routines, manners, and well you know... anything that could possibly make my life easier.  Miss Beebee is definitely the grand opposite of Tai.  Ying and Yang, Darth Vader and Luke, Miss Piggy and Kermit... you know the classic pairing.  Tai is truly his father's son when it comes to temperment.  He is extremely cautious, doesn't like change, is very intense and emotional and timidly approaches the world like it's going to explode on him.  Kaiya is fearless (or stupid only time will tell), either insanely happy or just mad, loathes being restricted to social norms and lives life precariously on the edge.  I knew Karma would one day bite me in the ass, I was just never prepared for it to be named Kaiya.

My girlfriend Audrey is a cancer warrior and battling the bitch with grace and humor.  This morning she posted on her blog: http://notthedestinationbut.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/nice-girl-not-too-bright/.  As always, she debates the gifts of cancer and offers a vulnerable look at her often dark and lonely road.  Through her talented writing she reminds me everyday to appreciate my blessings and to stay in the moment.  Today she brought up the topic of grandchildren so I offered up an opportunity to nanny Kaiya:

I am always here for you so I will unselfishly allow you to be my personal Nanny of my brood. No, no, no… it’s really not a problem at all. Feel free to chase Kaiya around while she is screaming bloody murder because she feels clothing restricts her from experiencing everything life has to offer. She also enjoys peeling off her diapers and peeing in the public eye – because let’s face it, doing it privately is so 24 hours ago. Attempt to convince her that one sits to eat is like wrestling a crack-out alligator. And forget about using words and proper manners, screeching to the point of alarming all canines within a 200 kilometer radius is a way more effective form of communication. Like I said, I am a sharing kind of gal.

Her hilarious response:
H-Dawg – You give and you give and you give! Such a wee martyr you are, my beloved friend.
Okay, here is the deal….I will take on Ms Kaiya (who I can’t wait to meet, by the way) as long as she understands the following:
1) I do not climb trees in my bare feet in order to hang a swing
2) Nudity is fine if and only if, you declare it as streaking, and that you are making a political statement by doing so
3) Peeing in public is permissible only in front of those who have pissed you off
4) Sitting to eat causes a person to relax. That could potentially lead to a lack of sense of purpose. The girl wins this one.
5) Manners, schmanners. Overrated! Again, this one goes to Ms Kaiya.
Love and hugs to you and your wild child xoxoxo

Now this is where the science experiment of parenting really gets interesting.  When Tai was born I had one glorious year of maternity leave.  I read all the books, studied up on all the latest research and agonized over every parenting decision.  I did imprint myself heavily on Tai so despite his "nature" he has been "nurtured" and has grown into a sensitive, beautifully polite, methodical thinker that communicates and processes information well beyond an average 5 year old.  He is also extremely confident (to the point that's it's almost cocky), has no problem approaching complete strangers to talk their ear off and will negotiate his way to Timbuck to if he's allowed.

When Kaiya was born I had 2 very short months with her and it was back to work for me since being an entrepreneur meant there was no such thing as maternity pay.  Chris became the nurturer and since he prefers parenting more organically, Kaiya's behavior amplified into... um... a Tazmanian Devil.  No word of a lie, that is her energy level.  She even scares her Nona who normally isn't scared of anybody after raising 5 boys.  As a baby, she never became attached to any of the normal soothing props.  She spitefully spat out the soothers, aggressively kicked off all her blankets, shrieked like a Banshee at the mobiles, and delightfully sacrificed all plush toys to Penny to chew on.  Ironically, just recently she has been attached to this giant Stitch doll.  If you ever watch Lilo and Stitch, Kaiya embodies both spirits so seeing her drag around a blue Stitch half the size of her is hilariously poetic - Lilo & Stitch just so happens to be my favorite movie.

Another wonderful trait of Kaiya is that she is extremely clumsy.  She falls, trips, bashes her head, scars her legs, bruises her face and the latest talent was she some how managed to chip her front left tooth.  Yesterday I saw her in a satnding position and literally, without any reason or cause she just fell over... ya, just like that... because you know humans do that all the time... fall over from a standing position for no apparent reason (I ruled out being inebriated at this stage).  How wonderfully red neck of my child to be sportin' a chipped tooth.  She has officially graduated from "Smallish Bear" to "Snaggletooth."

Mother's Day is approaching this Sunday and it dawned on me that I never blogged about Miss Kaiya (because we all know the second child get's screwed from an attention point of view).  After I finally wrestled her into bed I figured I would unleash "Hulk Smash" onto the Blog world, if only at least once.  I mean, my golden child Tai did have an entire year so this was the least I could do (plus it will keep the impending therapy bills down).  As my enlightened friend Audrey responded:

H-Dawg – I think from the sounds of things, my little Vietnamese terrorist Mommy, that the Kaiya apple does not fall far from the tree. Which means that I will love, admire and respect her very much.

Well said Audrey... that'll do.

The Devil Wears Prada

A Glitch In The Matrix

There is a cosmic law which states that your reality must remain congruent with your beliefs.  On my last post, I prematurely stated that I had a weird experience that wasn't of the usual paranormal flavor which has dominated my blog since its inception.  Today, there was a news feed on my Facebook (which I did re-post on my wall) highlighting a You Tube video of Cheryl Lee Harnish, an intuitive conducting a reading for this week.  Bored and highly intrigued I clicked on her video and selected my lucky number 22.  As soon as she started talking my spidey senses kicked in and I felt all prickly skinned.  When she explained the card I had selected, it resonated so much that I decided to creep her out on her website.  There is a function there that allows you to pick a card and so I did: http://fractalart.ca/the-goods/the-cards/dgod-online-reading.html  

This is the card I selected:

Ummmm... ya, I slightly freaked.  I screamed bloody murder and called Chris over to verify that I am not going crazy.  He comes over and nonchalantly reads the screen and says, "Well that's a bit weird," and then walks out of the room like nothing major has happened.  Fine, be cautiously skeptical.  I on the other hand will take it that a higher power is sending me a sign.  Chris will read it as a computer glitch.  Luckily, my sister was on Facebook chat and she tells me that she was half heartedly watching something on TV about 11:11.  In a previous post I noted that I kept seeing repeated 1's everywhere especially when I stopped to observe the time and it's 11:11 or 1:11 .  I only noticed this last year but now it's persistently and eerily sneaking in almost every possible facet of my life.  I once read a book that hypothesized this repetition of numbers was a way for the higher beings to communicate with you in your time of need.  If you felt alone on your path or stressed or in distress, this was a way for your Angels to say, "Hey, no worries, we're hanging out with you and everything will fine!"  When I pressed Steph to elaborate on the content, she just shrugged it off and admitted that she wasn't really paying attention.  Thanks Steph... you're an awesome sidekick.  I am sure Batman didn't have this issue with Robin.  On a total tangent, why is good help so hard to find these days and what is up with Generation Entitlement?  Anyways, that topic is great fodder for another ranting post but not today.  After I vocalized my dismay, my sidekick took the hint and kicked it up a notch.  She found this interesting link: http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2009/02/1111/. 

I quickly scanned my numbers and realized the following coincidences.  These are the house numbers I have lived in since I was 17:

11551 Seabay Road = three 1's

5600 Andrews Road = 5+6 = 11

11231 No. 2 Road = three 1's

11591 Sealoard Road = three 1's

My store address is:

#110-12480 No. 1 Road = four 1's

The list of my phone numbers:

274-8341 = 2+7+4+8+3+4+1 = 29 = 2+9 = 11

786-0926 = 7+8+6+0+9+2+6 = 38 = 3 + 8 = 11

604-447-4657 = 6+0+4+4+4+7+4+6+5+7 = 47 = 4+7 = 11

Tai's birthdate is January 11, 2007 = three 1's

The author states, "If you choose to maintain your old beliefs, you cannot be shown anything that would violate them. However, once you shed the old beliefs and embrace new ones, the proof you originally sought will be readily forthcoming. When you consciously ask to see reality accurately, some amazing things will begin to occur, gently at first, then with increasing strength and presence."

Today I am accepting that my previous reality is flawed.  I would like to see what a different truth which I know will only be revealed once I am ready.  When I finally said that, I was clicking on links in preparation of this blog and this is what pulled up... no joke: http://fractalart.ca/the-goods/the-cards/online-card-reading-its-free.html

So apparently there is a glitch in this matrix and my crack is starting to show... as with most cracks... this one ain't that pretty. 

If you're reading this blog (and I know lots of people do because my stats show some crazy numbers on my traffic thing-a-ma-jig) please leave me a comment as I would love to hear your thoughts.

I Have What?

On March 13 I had a really bizarre sensation.  This time it had nothing to do with paranormal activity.  I woke up feeling funny but dismissed it since I am a mother of two and had a world to conquer.  I go about my day and start work at the store.  The entire day I felt like something was sitting on my chest and I just felt "anxious."  I actually don't feel anxious but I guess if I did, this would be the best word to describe my sensation.  I would be doing my mundane things at work, like sweeping, taking money, talking about how shitty our weather is, selling people pretty things they don't really need but definitely I need them to have and so on.  I have done this millions of times... yet every action I did I felt anxious about doing it.  Near the end of my day I was exhausted from feeling "anxious."  My mind also functioned at a sluggish pace and my eyes felt like they weren't really taking in all the stimulation of my environment.

I went home and told my sister my strange feelings.  Being the loving person that she is, she perkily chirped, "It sounds like you're having a heart attack.  Did you know heart attacks in women are more subtle so women die from it all the time because they dismiss it?"  Well, if I didn't have a heart attack I certainly did after Steph's non-academically haphazard assessment.  Of course I jump onto the Internet and do what you're not suppose to do and self diagnose my symptoms.  Sure enough, according to the black and white print on my screen I was experiencing a major coronary heart failure... So what if I am perfectly healthy, have no major surgeries, don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs, eat well and sleep well and only 34 (Gawd, I sound so boring)?  It also didn't help that in big bold letters on this government funded website it says: Don't worry that your symptoms could end up being a false alarm or a sign of some other condition. Not getting help could cost you your life.  I attempt to dismiss the extreme prognosis by Facebook chatting a nurse friend of mine and she politely tells me in broken messages: Dude, chill out. Ur jist stressed. Go drink beer. 

I slunk down to Lairay's garage and explain to both my siblings that according to the website I had heart failure.  Steph has moved past any concerns for my imminent death and has started admiring her crafty wedding hangers that she manipulated into fancy names like: Bride.  Lairay is chirping in his high pitch "doggy" voice to convince his Yorkie Terrier that she really is the prettiest puppy on the block.  Clearly, my notification to my next of kin fell on deaf ears.  Realizing my attention was defeated by a hanger and a mop dog I protested, "Maybe I should go to the hospital."  Both paused and offered to drive me there if I felt it was necessary.  I didn't have the energy for drama in ER so I went to bed instead and quietly said a prayer to keep me safe in my sleep.

On March 23 I woke up feeling really unwell.  Chris let me sleep an extra hour and started kids on their morning routine.  I had a long lists of things to take care of so I forced myself into the shower and begrudgingly trotted through the trenches.  Just before leaving the house I had this overwhelming surge of nausea and ran to the bathroom to puke.  Great... nothing like kicking off the morning with a fresh pot of vomit.  Running already behind I jumped into my car and started the drive to my first stop, a wholesaler in Burnaby.  On route, the same sensation that over took me last Tuesday started manifesting itself.  I had to really concentrate on my driving because I felt my mind was foggy and my alertness was diluted.  When I went into the warehouse I started to really feel off.  Suddenly, the room started to spin, I felt uneasy on my feet and had to lean on a shelving unit for balance.  I felt extremely nauseous, my heart was racing, I can feel my temperature rising and I realized I might have been at the point of blacking out.  I sat down to steady myself and my chest felt extremely tight and I can hear my heart pounding in my ears.  I think I sat on the floor for about 15 minutes before I felt strong enough to stand.  I gathered my composure, went to pay for everything and then loaded the car.  As I was driving I noticed that although the nausea diminshed, the rapid heart beat was still pounding so loudly that I can hear it above Adam Levine's and Christina's "Moves Like Jagger" which was blasting.  Finally some neurons fired to the correct synapse and I decided to drive myself to Richmond Hospital.

As I walked through ER I can see the room was packed and in the corner of my eye, a young man had a metal rod impaled through his calf and he was screaming in obvious pain.  I walked up to triage and explained what happened.  The nurse assigned me immediately to a room and before I knew it, four nurses and a doctor had me changed into a gown, flat on my back with electrodes hooked up to machines.  I wasn't prepared for the onset of total invasion so I started to tear up in fear more than pain.  As per usual, my veins went into hiding and it took 3 attempts and 2 collapses valves later to find an IV.  Nine vials of blood, one urine sample, a chest x-ray, one bag of Gravol, one bag of Saline, hours worth of EKG readings, one dinner serving that looked pre-chewed, one parking ticket and seven hours later I was finally discharged.  The good news is I am not pregnant and I was able to successfully dispute my $75 parking violation.  The bad news is that they found extra heart beats throughout my echocardiograms which normally is not a big deal but in the Asian population can be an indicator for some type of heart disease. 

Yesterday my consultation with a cardiologist confirms that I have PVCs... a premature ventricular contraction.  In stupid talk it means my heart has extra heart beats to make up for... a blood clot, busted valves, poor arteries... dancing unicorns... whatever.  In my case, the misfirings are so loud that the cardiologist didn't even need his simple stethoscope to feel them.  Again, the good news is that I am not crazy and yes I can hear my heart beats (now for the voices in my head...)  After reviewing my health history he is not too overly concerned but yes, the trigger for this could be all the stress that has compounded for the last 2 years.

I have 3 more exploratory tests to rule out malignant heart issues.  On Saturday I will be wearing a heart monitor for 24 hours to see if my PVCs are consistent or intermittent.  I also have a stress test and a ultrasound lined up in the next few weeks.  In the meantime my heart continues to flutter, palipate funny, miss heart beats and if nothing, causing me a great deal of emotional distress.  I always knew I beat to the rhythm of a different drummer but seriously, this is not exactly what I had in mind.