So last night I watched a You Tube video of probably one of the saddest, painful, and heart breaking videos ever. A young, 15 year old girl shared her tormented story about bullying on pieces of paper and made headlines because a couple days ago she committed suicide. Her beautiful face hangs within the shadows and without speaking, she bares her soul about the darkness of modern society. It was nine minutes long. For an hour after that I just stared at my dark computer screen while deep heaves of crying overwhelmed my body.
Amanda Todd could have been any one's little girl. Being a parent everything pertaining to innocent children stabs deeper now. Since I was blessed with the title of being a mom, my ONLY goal in this life is to protect my children. It's that simple. When I read about other children being neglected, abused and unloved I am extremely angry and then saddened that as a society we can't seem to evolve above our dark selves. Compassion, empathy, forgiveness, and love seem to be just words within a forgotten text rather than exercised liberally within our lives.
Life is not complicated. The only thing everyone wants to be is acknowledged that they make a difference in this world and are cherished for being exactly the way they are. I don't care what postulated hard ass you created on the outside to survive this world, on the inside you just want to be LOVED and APPRECIATED because you DO make a difference. We are all pieces of the same puzzle so therefore we all capable of the same light.
Tai started kindergarten this year. I am nervous... I'm not going to lie. He is beautifully not like me. He is extremely sensitive which will be his character's double edge sword. I am trying to teach him to wield his strength to share his kindness and compassion regardless of what difficult situation comes forth. Teaching him to understand his boundaries to protect his own light is going to be a challenge. Those who's gift to humanity is caring for people always seem to forget to take care of them self too. I feel as a parent you really need to watch this precious stage of development because their sense of self is so fragile. Parenting is not easy. Thank goodness we are social creatures so other role models such as aunts, uncles, grandparents, teachers and finally as a last case ditch, our government are all here to support each other. I am blessed because my family support network is unreal. Yes we fight and disagree and even throw in the odd threats, but when push comes to shove my family always has my back.
Honestly though, I have no faith in our public education system. Our government does not put a priority in their children so they set up our teachers to fail. The children that don't fit within the average model as prescribed by our archaic curriculum slip through the cracks and perpetuate a story involving hurting themselves or others. This is a fundamental flaw in our capitalistic society. We focus too much on the love of power and not the power of love. I can't change the world but I can make a difference in my children's. When stories like Amanda Todd's pierces our collective hearts I can't help but wonder if I should be investigating in alternative education options. Home schooling looks pretty decent lately.
Although her life ended too soon, her final act appeared to have awakened those that have been sleeping too long. YOU make a difference in people's lives. YOU have the power to create a positive or negative effect on other people. By doing NOTHING you are stagnant and contributing to the negative effect. Be the change you want to see in this world.
Dance in the light Amanda because now you unconditionally know you were never alone and always loved.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Attachments
Dear Ego,
It has just occurred to me that the majority of my suffering has been a result of your limiting views on my infinite possibilities. You are like that nasty plaque that builds up over time and then one day you suddenly wake up and your mouth is burning a tormenting fire. Over time you have manipulatively rotted away at the tooth so the only resolution of being freed from the pain is to yank out the damn thing and be okay with your dentist presenting you with a thousand dollar bill. Here's your official eviction notice - Get the eff out.
With Much Love and Light, The Heart
I have been reading a lot. Sometimes it's fun and brainless like Facebook news feeds. Most times I'm studying esoteric dialogues. You know, the kind that uses phrases like: The Ego mind wants what it wants when it wants it and Applying action to attaining gives energy to the belief in lack - this always decreases the likelihood of experiencing what you desire. I know, why the hell do people write shit like this if their goal is to reach the masses? I like to think I am an educated person and most of the time the words from these Ascended Masters or spiritual teachers are totally lost on me. I would read what appears to be a simple phrase a couple of times and depending if the stars are in perfect alignment with the phi ratio of my 3rd toe multiplied with the Pleidians Thoth of my bra size back in junior high I may be able to comprehend that the Flower Of Life is actually a drawing that freakily resembles that Spirograph one I made in Kindergarten (Yes I am dating myself and yes, I am a child of the 80's). There should be a warning label on Spiritual reading material: Choking hazard. Use only for decorative purposes. Recommended age: 5th dimension ascended souls and higher.
Have you ever played with a Rubix cube? If you are a child of the "Entitlement Generation" it's the 80's version of the iPhone. Every cool kid had one. I was a cool kid, but poor; so although my parents couldn't afford to buy me one, I was clever enough to trick... er... I mean suggest to another kid to lend me his indefinitely for safe keeping. Anyways, my current situation feels like that damn Rubix cube. All my color blocks are all jumbled and as much as I strategize, plan, re-analyze, de-construct, re-construct, contemplate and ponder, nothing is aligning. When I was younger I got extremely frustrated from "playing" with that damn block from rainbow hell. I spent weeks spewing forth verbal diarrhea, offering up death threats and finally in a single moment of insanity I actually took my bike and ran it over with the same zest as a bat out of hell. My mad bike riding skills obliterated the once perfect square form into its teeny little pieces. I cackled maniacally at my destructive triumph but in that pivotal moment of negative release the dark clouds parted and clarity dawned. What appeared to be a mangled pile of rainbow poo was actually a perfect opportunity. I quickly scrambled off my chariot... umm... I mean bike with training wheels, and re-assembled it into a perfect Rubix cube! Now granted, this probably is not how it was intended to be resolved but it worked for me. Later on it donned on me that I could just peel all the effin stickers off which was a less messy option than beating it down with my bike.
My lesson learned at the age of five was that if I just let things go, for example like smashing my Rubix cube into little pieces, I was no longer in agony. Once I let go of my quest to prove that I was smart enough to solve a difficult problem, my pain dissipated like a Tums tablet into water. Poof... I was instantly transported back to Contentment Land. The spiritual teachers would define this concept as attachment. To ease one's suffering you need to let go of your attachments. So I am aiming a nuclear war head at the following Rubix Cubes:
1) My massive Ego.
2) My douche bag Ego.
3) My cancer Ego.
Wish me luck. If you know me, you should also lovingly recognize that my Ego supersedes my even louder Asian voice. On most days, my Ego needs a tarmac the size of those giant, Titanic, double decker Boeing planes to land. When I was younger I had the emotional resiliency to ride the highs of "I'm-super-duper-freakin'-fantastic" to the dips of "Gawd-please-stab-me-in-the-eye-with-burning-sticks" of life. I suspect I am getting old because I just want to find the Lazy Boy chair and sit in the ohm of Contentment. Drama no longer excites me because the reality is, after birthing two giant babies laughing too hard means I have to change my underwear. Hell... sneezing causes biological leakages that are no longer contained to the nasal cavities. Its definitely a daunting task and not one for the weak hearted... or sober for that matter.
Namaste and all that crap.
It has just occurred to me that the majority of my suffering has been a result of your limiting views on my infinite possibilities. You are like that nasty plaque that builds up over time and then one day you suddenly wake up and your mouth is burning a tormenting fire. Over time you have manipulatively rotted away at the tooth so the only resolution of being freed from the pain is to yank out the damn thing and be okay with your dentist presenting you with a thousand dollar bill. Here's your official eviction notice - Get the eff out.
With Much Love and Light, The Heart
I have been reading a lot. Sometimes it's fun and brainless like Facebook news feeds. Most times I'm studying esoteric dialogues. You know, the kind that uses phrases like: The Ego mind wants what it wants when it wants it and Applying action to attaining gives energy to the belief in lack - this always decreases the likelihood of experiencing what you desire. I know, why the hell do people write shit like this if their goal is to reach the masses? I like to think I am an educated person and most of the time the words from these Ascended Masters or spiritual teachers are totally lost on me. I would read what appears to be a simple phrase a couple of times and depending if the stars are in perfect alignment with the phi ratio of my 3rd toe multiplied with the Pleidians Thoth of my bra size back in junior high I may be able to comprehend that the Flower Of Life is actually a drawing that freakily resembles that Spirograph one I made in Kindergarten (Yes I am dating myself and yes, I am a child of the 80's). There should be a warning label on Spiritual reading material: Choking hazard. Use only for decorative purposes. Recommended age: 5th dimension ascended souls and higher.
Have you ever played with a Rubix cube? If you are a child of the "Entitlement Generation" it's the 80's version of the iPhone. Every cool kid had one. I was a cool kid, but poor; so although my parents couldn't afford to buy me one, I was clever enough to trick... er... I mean suggest to another kid to lend me his indefinitely for safe keeping. Anyways, my current situation feels like that damn Rubix cube. All my color blocks are all jumbled and as much as I strategize, plan, re-analyze, de-construct, re-construct, contemplate and ponder, nothing is aligning. When I was younger I got extremely frustrated from "playing" with that damn block from rainbow hell. I spent weeks spewing forth verbal diarrhea, offering up death threats and finally in a single moment of insanity I actually took my bike and ran it over with the same zest as a bat out of hell. My mad bike riding skills obliterated the once perfect square form into its teeny little pieces. I cackled maniacally at my destructive triumph but in that pivotal moment of negative release the dark clouds parted and clarity dawned. What appeared to be a mangled pile of rainbow poo was actually a perfect opportunity. I quickly scrambled off my chariot... umm... I mean bike with training wheels, and re-assembled it into a perfect Rubix cube! Now granted, this probably is not how it was intended to be resolved but it worked for me. Later on it donned on me that I could just peel all the effin stickers off which was a less messy option than beating it down with my bike.
My lesson learned at the age of five was that if I just let things go, for example like smashing my Rubix cube into little pieces, I was no longer in agony. Once I let go of my quest to prove that I was smart enough to solve a difficult problem, my pain dissipated like a Tums tablet into water. Poof... I was instantly transported back to Contentment Land. The spiritual teachers would define this concept as attachment. To ease one's suffering you need to let go of your attachments. So I am aiming a nuclear war head at the following Rubix Cubes:
1) My massive Ego.
2) My douche bag Ego.
3) My cancer Ego.
Wish me luck. If you know me, you should also lovingly recognize that my Ego supersedes my even louder Asian voice. On most days, my Ego needs a tarmac the size of those giant, Titanic, double decker Boeing planes to land. When I was younger I had the emotional resiliency to ride the highs of "I'm-super-duper-freakin'-fantastic" to the dips of "Gawd-please-stab-me-in-the-eye-with-burning-sticks" of life. I suspect I am getting old because I just want to find the Lazy Boy chair and sit in the ohm of Contentment. Drama no longer excites me because the reality is, after birthing two giant babies laughing too hard means I have to change my underwear. Hell... sneezing causes biological leakages that are no longer contained to the nasal cavities. Its definitely a daunting task and not one for the weak hearted... or sober for that matter.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Medically Insignificant and Inconclusive
Yesterday I had a wee bit of what I have affectionately been calling a "heart palpitation" episode. This hasn't occurred for a couple months now but it still derails me a bit because I essentially work by myself so if something major was to occurr I'm not exactly confident that I can take care of myself.
My barrage of medical experts have put me through the gammut of cardiovascular testing because the symptoms of my "heart attack" day gave enough alarms that they had to investigate all possibilities just in case. I have been through stress tests, Holter moniter tests, ultrasounds, EKG tests, chest scans, and a whack load of blood/urine tests. Everything has so far come back as "medically insignificant" or "medically inconclusive." Both my heart doctor and family doctor have collaborated and want me to do one more test so they can close my case and sleep better at night knowing they have completed their due diligence.
In the assessment process the cardiologist asks about my stress levels prior to the first event. I comment that it is high but not normally higher then my usual pace. I have a high pain threshold for stimulation. He then proceeds and asks about my occupation, my marriage, raising a young family, my mental state, my financial situation, my sex life and if I had taken up any new hobbies like recreational drugs. Oh... right... now that you mentioned it I did develop a really fierce crack habit. Thank goodness we're having this conversation because it would have never dawned on me that my cocaine addiction would make your heart beat slightly louder and out of rhythm. He was being so aggressive in his questioning that it felt like I was being interrogated for being a spy because I just kept saying "Nope" or "That's the same." I got so frustrated with his subtle undertone that I was lying about my current situation that I finally just blurted out, "I am feeling anxious because I think the world is off its axis. Something huge is going to happen to humanity but so many people are retarded that they aren't even aware that its happening." You should have seen his face. It looked like someone slapped the guy with last week's dirty underwear. My doctor paused, leaned back into his chair and took a deep breath. I think I just upgraded my boring status from "medically insignificant" to an exciting "mentally unstable." He analyzes my body language and then asks if I was being serious or funny. I tell him I am seriously funny. He then employs a textbook concept and applies reverse psychology, "So why do you think you are experiencing this?" I hold his intense gaze and say, "Maybe my body is preparing for the acceptance of a higher frequency of energy. Or maybe my third eye has just been activated. Or maybe my DNA is restructuring for the ascenscion to the 5th dimension." My doctor bursts out laughing and says, "Okay Huong I get it. You don't want to talk to me about this anymore." He tells me he always likes my humorous perception on life and then writes up a requisition to have the final test, which is the angiogram, scheduled.
I have been quite the trooper and followed all their directions and scheduling as request but have been putting off the angiogram test for about 3 months now. I am not really confident that having dye injected in me will prove that my bizarre palpitations will show a medically signifcant illness. Actually the last two weeks I have been feeling extremely fatigued, lack of motivation to work, feeling antsy and just out of sorts and my normally sharp brain is all cloudy. I am not sure if it's a vacation hangover or if I am picking up the vibrations of the Earth again. I know I have that ability to pick up energies so it's not too far fetch to say I am picking up a Global frequency. Hmmmmm... anyone else out there feeling a shift?
My barrage of medical experts have put me through the gammut of cardiovascular testing because the symptoms of my "heart attack" day gave enough alarms that they had to investigate all possibilities just in case. I have been through stress tests, Holter moniter tests, ultrasounds, EKG tests, chest scans, and a whack load of blood/urine tests. Everything has so far come back as "medically insignificant" or "medically inconclusive." Both my heart doctor and family doctor have collaborated and want me to do one more test so they can close my case and sleep better at night knowing they have completed their due diligence.
In the assessment process the cardiologist asks about my stress levels prior to the first event. I comment that it is high but not normally higher then my usual pace. I have a high pain threshold for stimulation. He then proceeds and asks about my occupation, my marriage, raising a young family, my mental state, my financial situation, my sex life and if I had taken up any new hobbies like recreational drugs. Oh... right... now that you mentioned it I did develop a really fierce crack habit. Thank goodness we're having this conversation because it would have never dawned on me that my cocaine addiction would make your heart beat slightly louder and out of rhythm. He was being so aggressive in his questioning that it felt like I was being interrogated for being a spy because I just kept saying "Nope" or "That's the same." I got so frustrated with his subtle undertone that I was lying about my current situation that I finally just blurted out, "I am feeling anxious because I think the world is off its axis. Something huge is going to happen to humanity but so many people are retarded that they aren't even aware that its happening." You should have seen his face. It looked like someone slapped the guy with last week's dirty underwear. My doctor paused, leaned back into his chair and took a deep breath. I think I just upgraded my boring status from "medically insignificant" to an exciting "mentally unstable." He analyzes my body language and then asks if I was being serious or funny. I tell him I am seriously funny. He then employs a textbook concept and applies reverse psychology, "So why do you think you are experiencing this?" I hold his intense gaze and say, "Maybe my body is preparing for the acceptance of a higher frequency of energy. Or maybe my third eye has just been activated. Or maybe my DNA is restructuring for the ascenscion to the 5th dimension." My doctor bursts out laughing and says, "Okay Huong I get it. You don't want to talk to me about this anymore." He tells me he always likes my humorous perception on life and then writes up a requisition to have the final test, which is the angiogram, scheduled.
I have been quite the trooper and followed all their directions and scheduling as request but have been putting off the angiogram test for about 3 months now. I am not really confident that having dye injected in me will prove that my bizarre palpitations will show a medically signifcant illness. Actually the last two weeks I have been feeling extremely fatigued, lack of motivation to work, feeling antsy and just out of sorts and my normally sharp brain is all cloudy. I am not sure if it's a vacation hangover or if I am picking up the vibrations of the Earth again. I know I have that ability to pick up energies so it's not too far fetch to say I am picking up a Global frequency. Hmmmmm... anyone else out there feeling a shift?
Friday, September 7, 2012
Next Chapter: The Sarcastic Spiritualist
Hi my name is Huong. I have a PhD in sarcasm and I am in the process of completing a Masters in Spiritualism... WTF? Yes, it will happen and I will be the first to wield both skills confidently.
One of my special girlfriends have left this third dimension we call life and happily returned home. My dear Audrey passed away last month after kicking the shit out of cancer for the last four years. In the end she left a blazing trail of gratitude and rewired the smarter people in her life to seize everyday and live it to it's fullest. I was inspired. Unsure exactly what that meant I started by purging things that no longer brought me any happiness. The first thing I did was eradicated all the emotional vampires in my life. Some I publicly pronounced as "death" and kicked them to the curb kicking and screaming. Others I have quietly stopped engaging in our one way relationship (AKA "their way"). For the select few I have mourned our past but came to the understanding that I have out grew them and need to move on. Professionally I flipped the the toxic corporate cesspool the middle finger and took the risk of financially leveraging my house to live my dream of owning my own business. Everyday I diligently took out the shit piling up in the House Of Huong. I confronted some buried skeletons when clearing out the closets and faced the demons lurking in the basement. This has been a five year process and it just occurred to me this year that the hoarder in the House Of Huong has effectively booked it out of the residence and I am left with a relatively clean... but empty space. I felt awkward and no longer recognized myself. I am sure this is what Michael Jackson felt like each time he had surgery.
So... I ponder. As an interior designer I am highly skilled at filling space with materialistic shit and arranging it in a visually appealing form. But then I remember that I did that once and I earned the dreaded "Hoarder" label. So I ponder some more. In the emptiness of my clean space I discovered something that seemed to have been forgotten. I am certain I must have carried it with me when I insanely agreed to incarnate into this life time but I consumed so much superficial shit over the last few years it literally got lost in the gong show of conditioning. It is vibrating with something that cannot be defined within the clumsiness of this world. In fact, if I had prematurely opened it prior to it's Harvest date I am positive I would have been a ward of the Mental Breakdown Institution instead of a highly intuitive mother having a major life crisis. So I do what I do best. I study it carefully...
Unbeknownst to Trevor Gollagher, I have adopted him as a mentor on my quest for something bigger than myself. My sensei Laura introduced me to his books a year ago but the content was beyond my ability to comprehend at the time. The material was about as interesting as reading a furnace manual. I remember reading the first chapter and yawning my face off every third syllable. I politely thanked Laura for the introduction but secretly wondered when she boarded the crazy train. I was bored on Facebook last week and then Trevor popped up on the Chat function. Curiously drawn that night, I started chatting away and before I knew it I was having an actual phone conversation with a strange man all the way in Australia. I bartered my parent's Pacific caught salmon and a promise to show the food connoisseur the best all you can eat sushi next time he was teaching in Vancouver. In exchange, he offered to help me get "unhooked" from the energy leaks in my chakras and gave me a wealth of information. This ukulele strumming Aussie has dedicated the last forty years of his life to... pondering. Luckily for us, he's on a mission to share his teachings so has written 17 books in between plucking some strings and paying his taxes. In our rebuttal he calls me a "Cosmic Kid" to which I retorted, "Buddy, I bet we're the same Soul Age! The only difference is I happen to have the bad case of Spirit amnesia."
I spent the last few months practicing meditating. To an over active mind like mine, it's like telling an elephant to gracefully dance like a ballerina. Uggg... what an ugly and unpretty scene. All that end ups happening is I sit quietly. It creepily feels like that time in Kindergarten when I logged some time in the Naughty corner for making fun of the dumb kid that colored his man's face purple. On my good days I have great conversations with myself and even laugh at my witticisms. On the rough days I fall asleep in total boredom. I even downloaded videos from You Tube and read Laura's notes but my brain just keeps digesting something or another.
I have also been reading a lot of metaphysical/spiritual books. Some concepts I connect with, some I scratch my head, others I put aside just in case. One of the concepts says one needs to stop judging people and gossiping to stop the cycle of creating negative energy into the world. Although I understand this concept it makes me really sad because I confess, I enjoy doing it way too much. It's like a national sport in my world. I guess I have a couple more bags of trash yet to be taken to the curb. The hardest one will hefting out the Ego Behemoth that takes up an entire floor of my house. I am sure when that happens it will dawn on me that this House sucks ass and I need to take up residence in one filled with Light... but not without packing a smallish suitcase of Sarcasm.
I know this can co-exist because two weeks ago I almost got in a one person car accident. I was mindlessly driving the same route to work when suddenly a black furry thing jumped in front of my car. I slammed on the brakes and my heart lurched right into the windshield. My dilated eyes adjusted and staring right at me was this rabbit. It blinked innocently and then merrily continued on its way to the other side of the highway. Once it crossed safely, it dramatically turned and our eyes met in a deadlock. Prior to her passing, Audrey always thought her rabbit friends brought her good luck which lifted her spirits. Well on this particular day there was not a car in sight which was odd for Steveston Highway. In the 30 seconds it took to process that I wasn't dead nor hurt and this rabbit was clearly suicidal it dawned on me that Audrey was here in her signature way to let me know she's watching over as promised. "Damn you Audrey! Why can't you be like the other Spirits and send me a non-car accident sign like double rainbows? Why you gotta be a jack-ass?" I angrily waved my fist at the rabbit staring at me on the sidewalk as I drove by. Even though I was loudly cussing, deep down I was smiling.
.
One of my special girlfriends have left this third dimension we call life and happily returned home. My dear Audrey passed away last month after kicking the shit out of cancer for the last four years. In the end she left a blazing trail of gratitude and rewired the smarter people in her life to seize everyday and live it to it's fullest. I was inspired. Unsure exactly what that meant I started by purging things that no longer brought me any happiness. The first thing I did was eradicated all the emotional vampires in my life. Some I publicly pronounced as "death" and kicked them to the curb kicking and screaming. Others I have quietly stopped engaging in our one way relationship (AKA "their way"). For the select few I have mourned our past but came to the understanding that I have out grew them and need to move on. Professionally I flipped the the toxic corporate cesspool the middle finger and took the risk of financially leveraging my house to live my dream of owning my own business. Everyday I diligently took out the shit piling up in the House Of Huong. I confronted some buried skeletons when clearing out the closets and faced the demons lurking in the basement. This has been a five year process and it just occurred to me this year that the hoarder in the House Of Huong has effectively booked it out of the residence and I am left with a relatively clean... but empty space. I felt awkward and no longer recognized myself. I am sure this is what Michael Jackson felt like each time he had surgery.
So... I ponder. As an interior designer I am highly skilled at filling space with materialistic shit and arranging it in a visually appealing form. But then I remember that I did that once and I earned the dreaded "Hoarder" label. So I ponder some more. In the emptiness of my clean space I discovered something that seemed to have been forgotten. I am certain I must have carried it with me when I insanely agreed to incarnate into this life time but I consumed so much superficial shit over the last few years it literally got lost in the gong show of conditioning. It is vibrating with something that cannot be defined within the clumsiness of this world. In fact, if I had prematurely opened it prior to it's Harvest date I am positive I would have been a ward of the Mental Breakdown Institution instead of a highly intuitive mother having a major life crisis. So I do what I do best. I study it carefully...
Unbeknownst to Trevor Gollagher, I have adopted him as a mentor on my quest for something bigger than myself. My sensei Laura introduced me to his books a year ago but the content was beyond my ability to comprehend at the time. The material was about as interesting as reading a furnace manual. I remember reading the first chapter and yawning my face off every third syllable. I politely thanked Laura for the introduction but secretly wondered when she boarded the crazy train. I was bored on Facebook last week and then Trevor popped up on the Chat function. Curiously drawn that night, I started chatting away and before I knew it I was having an actual phone conversation with a strange man all the way in Australia. I bartered my parent's Pacific caught salmon and a promise to show the food connoisseur the best all you can eat sushi next time he was teaching in Vancouver. In exchange, he offered to help me get "unhooked" from the energy leaks in my chakras and gave me a wealth of information. This ukulele strumming Aussie has dedicated the last forty years of his life to... pondering. Luckily for us, he's on a mission to share his teachings so has written 17 books in between plucking some strings and paying his taxes. In our rebuttal he calls me a "Cosmic Kid" to which I retorted, "Buddy, I bet we're the same Soul Age! The only difference is I happen to have the bad case of Spirit amnesia."
I spent the last few months practicing meditating. To an over active mind like mine, it's like telling an elephant to gracefully dance like a ballerina. Uggg... what an ugly and unpretty scene. All that end ups happening is I sit quietly. It creepily feels like that time in Kindergarten when I logged some time in the Naughty corner for making fun of the dumb kid that colored his man's face purple. On my good days I have great conversations with myself and even laugh at my witticisms. On the rough days I fall asleep in total boredom. I even downloaded videos from You Tube and read Laura's notes but my brain just keeps digesting something or another.
I have also been reading a lot of metaphysical/spiritual books. Some concepts I connect with, some I scratch my head, others I put aside just in case. One of the concepts says one needs to stop judging people and gossiping to stop the cycle of creating negative energy into the world. Although I understand this concept it makes me really sad because I confess, I enjoy doing it way too much. It's like a national sport in my world. I guess I have a couple more bags of trash yet to be taken to the curb. The hardest one will hefting out the Ego Behemoth that takes up an entire floor of my house. I am sure when that happens it will dawn on me that this House sucks ass and I need to take up residence in one filled with Light... but not without packing a smallish suitcase of Sarcasm.
I know this can co-exist because two weeks ago I almost got in a one person car accident. I was mindlessly driving the same route to work when suddenly a black furry thing jumped in front of my car. I slammed on the brakes and my heart lurched right into the windshield. My dilated eyes adjusted and staring right at me was this rabbit. It blinked innocently and then merrily continued on its way to the other side of the highway. Once it crossed safely, it dramatically turned and our eyes met in a deadlock. Prior to her passing, Audrey always thought her rabbit friends brought her good luck which lifted her spirits. Well on this particular day there was not a car in sight which was odd for Steveston Highway. In the 30 seconds it took to process that I wasn't dead nor hurt and this rabbit was clearly suicidal it dawned on me that Audrey was here in her signature way to let me know she's watching over as promised. "Damn you Audrey! Why can't you be like the other Spirits and send me a non-car accident sign like double rainbows? Why you gotta be a jack-ass?" I angrily waved my fist at the rabbit staring at me on the sidewalk as I drove by. Even though I was loudly cussing, deep down I was smiling.
.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
An Angel Is Born
It was bittersweet but I decided to visit with my girlfriend Khanh and her husband Randy who lives in Calgary after I spent the afternoon enjoying what I knew in my heart was the last time I would see my amazing Audrey. Khanh and I have been friends as long as I can remember. Although I haven't known Randy as long, we quickly became good friends and shared many conversations debating about all things that we don't understand. They sensed my need for some space so they kindly left me their laptop and I sat quietly in their guest bedroom taking inventory of my life, appreciating my blessings and letting my mind wander. I wrote: The Gift Of Mortality that evening and after I pulled the Archangel Michael card I spooked myself out and decided to call it a night. I fell asleep absolutely exhausted.
That night, I had the most beautiful dream. The room was stunning. The building had soaring ceilings with cathedral domed glass panels that revealed the drama of the vast night skies. I looked up and felt immensely small as the indigo sky danced with millions of brightly shining stars. Twin staircases spiralled up in a helix formation and created a breath taking focal point to a veranda that overlooked the main floor. In the middle of the grand room is a water fountain that shot majestically up and became the haunting backdrop to the live orchestra playing harmoniously for all the guests. My fingers caressed the cool touch of the white marble used extensively throughout the floors, stairs, and columns of the ball room. The energy of the building was intoxicating, like I have been enveloped in a bubble of immense love.
I felt like a princess. In fact, all the women are dressed exactly the same. Red crimson ball gowns with robust taffeta silk skirts full of tulle and laced corseted tops beautifully play out each woman's figure. Our hairs are all perfectly curled and gathered to one side and our make-up is impeccably applied to bring out our best features. The men are all wearing long tailed tuxedos and as with every woman, each looked extremely handsome and ever so dapper in their formal wear. I recognized that all the guests are both mine and Audrey's friends and family members. Everyone is having an amazing time. Some are dancing, some are engaged in deep conversations, some are drinking, some are nibbling on the passed appetizers and some are strolling amongst the rose gardens. The air is infused with jasmine.
Audrey pokes me in the side. "Hey, I need your help getting me changed." Highly irked that I was requested to do something when all I wanted to do was enjoy the festivities (aka drink) I wrinkle my nose in disdain, "Awwww... pull up your big girl panties and do it yourself." Audrey squints her eyes and intensely focuses her glare on me, "YOU have to help me! I am too weak from all the radiation treatments." I did a double take and gasped at the night and day difference in Audrey's appearance. The Audrey I have known to love is looking half the weight she normally is and the battle of cancer has taken a major toll on her physical human body. Feeling embarrassed that I was being selfish, I put my champagne glass down and humbly obliged her request.
I follow her into a dressing room and waiting for her was a white dress that looks like it weighed four times the weight of my poor Audrey. It also looked like it was meant for a wedding ceremony. I opened my big, unfiltered mouth, "Ummm... why are you changing into a wedding dress? You're not getting married." "Would you just shuttup and help me into this? Gawd you're awfully whiny tonight." I was going to retort but thought better against it. I struggled getting the dress of a thousand pounds onto Audrey's tiny frame. She then remembered she had to change to a strapless bra so she asked me to help her with that as well. By this time I was sweating from the work out so I told her to screw it and just let her girls hang out. She gave me THAT look. When Audrey decides that she wants something done, the woman will not stop until its done. Rather than fight her, I grabbed her bra and attempted to try to figure out all the convoluted straps of the laces on the back of the dress and the snaps of the bra. I swore under my breath, "Fuck, why am I stuck in this damn tiny room for half the evening wrestling with straps and stupid laces when everyone else is out there having an awesome time. Why didn't you stay in the same dress like everyone else?" Audrey rolls her eyes and then lectures, "You know, the more energy you spend complaining, the more you are missing out on the party. Besides, if you weren't such an Asian light weight you would have had me laced up days ago but nooooooooooooo... instead I have a drunk helping me with the dress."
I finally tied up the last lace and triumphantly stood back to admire my tipsy efforts. My big, drunken mouth hit the marble floor with an echoing clang. The "bra" I thought I was wrestling to get on Audrey was actually a breath taking pair of luminescent Angel wings! The "wedding dress" that I heft up her frail frame was actually a flowing Goddess dress. I stood back in sheer amazement. "So how do I look?" Audrey looked her former healthy self. Her gorgeous red hair was neatly tucked behind her cute little elf ears. Her ivory skin glowed like a pearl. The shine in her eyes sparkled brightly. She was just absolutely radiant and I stood silently in awe. Her white ethereal light illuminated the entire place and I, like everyone else in attendance, was embraced in an eternal peace. "YOU... my dear friend look perfect!" I proudly gasped. Audrey breaks into a giant smile, "Okay little lady... it's GO time!"
She stepped out on the veranda and the entire party all cheered to her beautiful transformation. "To Miss Audrey!" everyone thunderously toasted. Someone then poked me in the side. "Excuse me Huong, I have the bill for Audrey's party whenever you're ready." "Oh... see my father-in-law over there? His name is Trevor Rennie. Just charge everything to his account."
************************************************************************************
Dear Audrey: Thank you for everything you taught me. Especially the lessons I never realized I needed to learn. Thank you for all the laughter. Especially during the times when it was hard to smile. Most of all, thank you for being such an inspiration. Especially in the times when it felt there was no light. You have earned your Angel wings and thank you for inviting each of us to your Life party.
Love your party crasher - Huong
(This is the card I pulled after I wrote this Blog)
That night, I had the most beautiful dream. The room was stunning. The building had soaring ceilings with cathedral domed glass panels that revealed the drama of the vast night skies. I looked up and felt immensely small as the indigo sky danced with millions of brightly shining stars. Twin staircases spiralled up in a helix formation and created a breath taking focal point to a veranda that overlooked the main floor. In the middle of the grand room is a water fountain that shot majestically up and became the haunting backdrop to the live orchestra playing harmoniously for all the guests. My fingers caressed the cool touch of the white marble used extensively throughout the floors, stairs, and columns of the ball room. The energy of the building was intoxicating, like I have been enveloped in a bubble of immense love.
I felt like a princess. In fact, all the women are dressed exactly the same. Red crimson ball gowns with robust taffeta silk skirts full of tulle and laced corseted tops beautifully play out each woman's figure. Our hairs are all perfectly curled and gathered to one side and our make-up is impeccably applied to bring out our best features. The men are all wearing long tailed tuxedos and as with every woman, each looked extremely handsome and ever so dapper in their formal wear. I recognized that all the guests are both mine and Audrey's friends and family members. Everyone is having an amazing time. Some are dancing, some are engaged in deep conversations, some are drinking, some are nibbling on the passed appetizers and some are strolling amongst the rose gardens. The air is infused with jasmine.
Audrey pokes me in the side. "Hey, I need your help getting me changed." Highly irked that I was requested to do something when all I wanted to do was enjoy the festivities (aka drink) I wrinkle my nose in disdain, "Awwww... pull up your big girl panties and do it yourself." Audrey squints her eyes and intensely focuses her glare on me, "YOU have to help me! I am too weak from all the radiation treatments." I did a double take and gasped at the night and day difference in Audrey's appearance. The Audrey I have known to love is looking half the weight she normally is and the battle of cancer has taken a major toll on her physical human body. Feeling embarrassed that I was being selfish, I put my champagne glass down and humbly obliged her request.
I follow her into a dressing room and waiting for her was a white dress that looks like it weighed four times the weight of my poor Audrey. It also looked like it was meant for a wedding ceremony. I opened my big, unfiltered mouth, "Ummm... why are you changing into a wedding dress? You're not getting married." "Would you just shuttup and help me into this? Gawd you're awfully whiny tonight." I was going to retort but thought better against it. I struggled getting the dress of a thousand pounds onto Audrey's tiny frame. She then remembered she had to change to a strapless bra so she asked me to help her with that as well. By this time I was sweating from the work out so I told her to screw it and just let her girls hang out. She gave me THAT look. When Audrey decides that she wants something done, the woman will not stop until its done. Rather than fight her, I grabbed her bra and attempted to try to figure out all the convoluted straps of the laces on the back of the dress and the snaps of the bra. I swore under my breath, "Fuck, why am I stuck in this damn tiny room for half the evening wrestling with straps and stupid laces when everyone else is out there having an awesome time. Why didn't you stay in the same dress like everyone else?" Audrey rolls her eyes and then lectures, "You know, the more energy you spend complaining, the more you are missing out on the party. Besides, if you weren't such an Asian light weight you would have had me laced up days ago but nooooooooooooo... instead I have a drunk helping me with the dress."
I finally tied up the last lace and triumphantly stood back to admire my tipsy efforts. My big, drunken mouth hit the marble floor with an echoing clang. The "bra" I thought I was wrestling to get on Audrey was actually a breath taking pair of luminescent Angel wings! The "wedding dress" that I heft up her frail frame was actually a flowing Goddess dress. I stood back in sheer amazement. "So how do I look?" Audrey looked her former healthy self. Her gorgeous red hair was neatly tucked behind her cute little elf ears. Her ivory skin glowed like a pearl. The shine in her eyes sparkled brightly. She was just absolutely radiant and I stood silently in awe. Her white ethereal light illuminated the entire place and I, like everyone else in attendance, was embraced in an eternal peace. "YOU... my dear friend look perfect!" I proudly gasped. Audrey breaks into a giant smile, "Okay little lady... it's GO time!"
She stepped out on the veranda and the entire party all cheered to her beautiful transformation. "To Miss Audrey!" everyone thunderously toasted. Someone then poked me in the side. "Excuse me Huong, I have the bill for Audrey's party whenever you're ready." "Oh... see my father-in-law over there? His name is Trevor Rennie. Just charge everything to his account."
************************************************************************************
Dear Audrey: Thank you for everything you taught me. Especially the lessons I never realized I needed to learn. Thank you for all the laughter. Especially during the times when it was hard to smile. Most of all, thank you for being such an inspiration. Especially in the times when it felt there was no light. You have earned your Angel wings and thank you for inviting each of us to your Life party.
Love your party crasher - Huong
Friday, July 13, 2012
The Gift Of Mortality
Logically I knew this day would come. In my heart though I really wished for a miracle. When Silvia sadly shared the heavy news on Audrey's health I can hear my heart shattering into a million pieces. It was like someone took an elephant shot gun and fired it point blank at a delicate piece of glass. My heart started racing and the palpitations were beating so fiercely in my ears that it was maddening. In a trance I put the phone down and the tears uncontrollably started flowing.
I was at work and luckily it was slow because I cried the rest of the day. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't feel like eating. I didn't want to rationalize my feelings. Actually, I just went numb and didn't feel like feeling anything. It just hurts.
Audrey and I met at IKEA. It was the first day of orientation and this petite woman with fiery red hair was snickering something to her friend when we were introducing ourselves to our new team. Some how she found great humor in the fact that there was a "Dick" and "Huong" (pronounced "Hung") working in the same building as she did. Being the unabashedly-inappropriate-gutter-thinking-Miss-Sassy-Pants that she is, she offered the following observation, "Hey you and Dick should sit beside each other then I can say, Hello Huong Dick!" She then rolled over into laughter literally killing herself at her cleverness. Annoyed that this much older woman was blowing a gasket at my expense, I rolled my eyes and in the whiniest voice I can imitate I innocently asked, "What are you... two?" "Actually I'm four!" she proudly announces. It was LOVE at first sight.
Every time Audrey and I get together the sparks fly. You know how budgies sits contently on the perch staring into the mirror for hours saying, "Pretty bird!" Well... ya, this is the core of our relationship. Audrey and I share the same passion for (*ahem) making fun of stupid people, defying authority figures, talking our way out of any situation and enjoying the adventures of life. Let's just say upper management was always in fear whenever we decided to agree on a topic that was not popular management opinion. We snickered petty comments through big yawn fests such as meetings and corporate leadership bullshit workshops. We took extended coffee and ice cream breaks. We were always hushed in the office and glared at for being rowdy. We knew how to have a good time and didn't really care if you heard or it affected your productivity levels.
Our friendship bloomed outside the four Swedish blue walls. Most of the time it involved some form of fermented wheat or grape but the robust discussions of life and the meanderings of its meaning always weaved its way into the debates. We are prolific debaters. We pondered about living outside our comfort zones and chasing our real dreams. We digested and scrutinized what obstacles were holding us back. Audrey is one of the very few people in my life that can keep up with my unquenching thirst for knowledge. Every second spent with Audrey ignited every cell in me. Her energy is just beautifully incredible.
Have you ever had those moments when you meet a person and without sounding totally stalkerish your Spirit just screams, "YOU are going to be my new best friend!" yet you have never exchanged one word? You just... KNEW. This is the case with Audrey for me.
Four years ago Audrey was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Four years ago, Audrey shifted from being a friend to being an inspirational mentor. She started her Blog to document her journey and more than anything to connect with people so we can learn the REAL essence of being human. She is a talented writer but always was unsure of her ability. Like many of us, she created obstacles as to why she couldn't live her dream when she was healthy. It took cancer to finally live her dream.
Audrey's diagnosis really struck a chord deep within. I abruptly gave my eight year career with IKEA the middle finger salute as it no longer brought me any happiness and started living one of my dreams of being an entrepreneur. My dream has immersed me in the world of extreme material wealth. Never in my wildest dream would I imagine myself involved in such luxuries. Ironically, the people living the life of luxury are tortured souls accumulating wealth to compensate for spiritual balance. Such a funny detour my life has taken me. I spend a lot of time counselling their souls rather than picking the perfect herringbone fabric. I get caught up in all this materialistic garbage and then I go home and spend a lot of time grounding myself.
I find beauty in the vibrancy of the rose fiercely blooming despite of me moving it into the shade. I love the silence of the evening when I stare up into the vast indigo open sky and my mind wanders to the possibilities of other realms. My heart sings when I fill my lungs with the salty air of the sea and my toes are grounded into the wet sand. I feel humbled when the wind kisses my skin on a hot sweltering day. When I come through the door and Kaiya screams at the top of her lungs, "Mama's home!" everything feels perfect. These gifts are given by Audrey as each Blog she posts reminds me to appreciate the REAL meaning of life.
My face is still hurting from all the crying and through my tears I try to focus on booking the correct flight to Edmonton. What I actually want to do is yell at God and say, "Fuck YOU man. YOU suck ass." My soul sister Laura calms me down and reminds me that Audrey wrote her life plan so therefore everything will unfold perfectly. Being human means we do not have the mental capacity to see the full picture but only fragments. What appears as imperfect is only a delusional perception. We must TRUST that Divine plan is perfect. My brain is working over drive to debunk her theory but my heart hums beautifully to her words. I KNOW she is right. We all will eventually return Home to our real state of perfect energy beings of love and light.
In the meantime, we have all accepted our perfectly imperfect human body and have a really SHORT time wearing it. Why waste your time worrying about the future? Why dishonor our journey by being stuck in the past? Why disrespect your purpose by being immobilized by fear?
Silvia travels with me to The Cross Center to visit Audrey. As soon as we saw each other, the three of us burst into tears. Silvia is the more mushy one of the three and she gently strokes Audrey's hair and plants gentle kisses on her beautiful face. Audrey asks about my crazy baby girl and I throw my hands up in frustration as say, "I don't know what happened to her. Kaiya is crazy. I some how broke the second baby." She starts laughing so hard which then ignites all three of us into a huge giggle fit.
This moment feels perfect.
(I pulled this card after I posted this Blog.)
I was at work and luckily it was slow because I cried the rest of the day. I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't feel like eating. I didn't want to rationalize my feelings. Actually, I just went numb and didn't feel like feeling anything. It just hurts.
Audrey and I met at IKEA. It was the first day of orientation and this petite woman with fiery red hair was snickering something to her friend when we were introducing ourselves to our new team. Some how she found great humor in the fact that there was a "Dick" and "Huong" (pronounced "Hung") working in the same building as she did. Being the unabashedly-inappropriate-gutter-thinking-Miss-Sassy-Pants that she is, she offered the following observation, "Hey you and Dick should sit beside each other then I can say, Hello Huong Dick!" She then rolled over into laughter literally killing herself at her cleverness. Annoyed that this much older woman was blowing a gasket at my expense, I rolled my eyes and in the whiniest voice I can imitate I innocently asked, "What are you... two?" "Actually I'm four!" she proudly announces. It was LOVE at first sight.
Every time Audrey and I get together the sparks fly. You know how budgies sits contently on the perch staring into the mirror for hours saying, "Pretty bird!" Well... ya, this is the core of our relationship. Audrey and I share the same passion for (*ahem) making fun of stupid people, defying authority figures, talking our way out of any situation and enjoying the adventures of life. Let's just say upper management was always in fear whenever we decided to agree on a topic that was not popular management opinion. We snickered petty comments through big yawn fests such as meetings and corporate leadership bullshit workshops. We took extended coffee and ice cream breaks. We were always hushed in the office and glared at for being rowdy. We knew how to have a good time and didn't really care if you heard or it affected your productivity levels.
Our friendship bloomed outside the four Swedish blue walls. Most of the time it involved some form of fermented wheat or grape but the robust discussions of life and the meanderings of its meaning always weaved its way into the debates. We are prolific debaters. We pondered about living outside our comfort zones and chasing our real dreams. We digested and scrutinized what obstacles were holding us back. Audrey is one of the very few people in my life that can keep up with my unquenching thirst for knowledge. Every second spent with Audrey ignited every cell in me. Her energy is just beautifully incredible.
Have you ever had those moments when you meet a person and without sounding totally stalkerish your Spirit just screams, "YOU are going to be my new best friend!" yet you have never exchanged one word? You just... KNEW. This is the case with Audrey for me.
Four years ago Audrey was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Four years ago, Audrey shifted from being a friend to being an inspirational mentor. She started her Blog to document her journey and more than anything to connect with people so we can learn the REAL essence of being human. She is a talented writer but always was unsure of her ability. Like many of us, she created obstacles as to why she couldn't live her dream when she was healthy. It took cancer to finally live her dream.
Audrey's diagnosis really struck a chord deep within. I abruptly gave my eight year career with IKEA the middle finger salute as it no longer brought me any happiness and started living one of my dreams of being an entrepreneur. My dream has immersed me in the world of extreme material wealth. Never in my wildest dream would I imagine myself involved in such luxuries. Ironically, the people living the life of luxury are tortured souls accumulating wealth to compensate for spiritual balance. Such a funny detour my life has taken me. I spend a lot of time counselling their souls rather than picking the perfect herringbone fabric. I get caught up in all this materialistic garbage and then I go home and spend a lot of time grounding myself.
I find beauty in the vibrancy of the rose fiercely blooming despite of me moving it into the shade. I love the silence of the evening when I stare up into the vast indigo open sky and my mind wanders to the possibilities of other realms. My heart sings when I fill my lungs with the salty air of the sea and my toes are grounded into the wet sand. I feel humbled when the wind kisses my skin on a hot sweltering day. When I come through the door and Kaiya screams at the top of her lungs, "Mama's home!" everything feels perfect. These gifts are given by Audrey as each Blog she posts reminds me to appreciate the REAL meaning of life.
My face is still hurting from all the crying and through my tears I try to focus on booking the correct flight to Edmonton. What I actually want to do is yell at God and say, "Fuck YOU man. YOU suck ass." My soul sister Laura calms me down and reminds me that Audrey wrote her life plan so therefore everything will unfold perfectly. Being human means we do not have the mental capacity to see the full picture but only fragments. What appears as imperfect is only a delusional perception. We must TRUST that Divine plan is perfect. My brain is working over drive to debunk her theory but my heart hums beautifully to her words. I KNOW she is right. We all will eventually return Home to our real state of perfect energy beings of love and light.
In the meantime, we have all accepted our perfectly imperfect human body and have a really SHORT time wearing it. Why waste your time worrying about the future? Why dishonor our journey by being stuck in the past? Why disrespect your purpose by being immobilized by fear?
Silvia travels with me to The Cross Center to visit Audrey. As soon as we saw each other, the three of us burst into tears. Silvia is the more mushy one of the three and she gently strokes Audrey's hair and plants gentle kisses on her beautiful face. Audrey asks about my crazy baby girl and I throw my hands up in frustration as say, "I don't know what happened to her. Kaiya is crazy. I some how broke the second baby." She starts laughing so hard which then ignites all three of us into a huge giggle fit.
This moment feels perfect.
(I pulled this card after I posted this Blog.)
Saturday, June 16, 2012
The Haze Has Lifted
Laura is counting down the familiar numbers. As instructed, I let out a huge exhale and feel this huge stress released from my tightly wound up body. Today is the second time I have been under hypnosis under the loving care of Laura who I deeply trust with my... sanity? Unlike the first time, my eyeballs start rolling like mad underneath my eyelids. The room was spinning and I almost feel like I am going to vomit because my eyeballs just wouldn't stop rolling. I wonder if they are going to roll out of my sockets? As usual my running monologue gives me a chuckle (inside my head). I even contemplated putting my hands on top of my eye lids as a way to stop the rolling.
Oh my God, this is retarded. If my eyeballs don't stop moving I'm going to puke from motion sickness even before I start. In the back ground, Laura's soothing voice guides me to a deeper level of rest. Instantly, the eye rolling stops. My Spirit grants Laura's permission to explore my unconscious level. I slowly descend done a spiralling staircase and off in the distance I see a grotto. Laura slows down my descent by getting me to appreciate the texture of the rail and the treads on the staircase. I look down and notice the marble. Oooohh, I love Bianco Carrara! That marble is going to look so hot on the Nygard's countertops once I get rid of that hideous black granite with nasty purple flecking. In the near distant, Laura voice reminds me to let go of my physical world. Damn it Huong, we are not renovating the grotto so stop analyzing it. Slow down the brain waves. Focus! I softly walk down into my sacred pool. I am enveloped in peace. Wow this sure beats hiding out in the bathroom from the kids. I can see now why so many people take up yoga and meditating. Personally I have not been able to meditate and slow my brain down myself. Even when I'm sleeping my brain is on fire. The only time this has happened is when Laura has induced me into hypnosis so this inner peace is the STRANGEST feeling... EVER. So this is what's it's like to get high...
I suddenly notice that I am no longer the physical person I normally see in the mirror. In fact, I am white woman with extremely long wavy blond hair and I'm wearing a floosy sheer dress. WTH? Am I a fairy? No, I don't see any wings. Strange. Laura instructs me to dangle my feet into the scared pond and feel the crisp cool water against my bare skin. I reluctantly poke my big toe into the pond and then quickly pull back. I notice the skin on my toe has Asian pigmentation even though when I look into the pond I a reflection of a white women with long blond hair smiles back. Hahahahaha... I am a halfie! Again I giggle at my cleverness (in my head). Confident that I am my deepest level of rest and really deep into my unconscious, Laura starts the heavy work of discovering my Spirit. Softly she encourages me to go towards an orb of light. I blurt out, "I don't see any lights!" Laura asks the Guides and Angels that are with me to surround me on my journey today and safely assist me on my way. On cue, a little fleck the size of a Twoonie floats mid air. Wow, she's good... I start following the floating orb out of my grotto and into a thick, smoky, cloud of... purple?
Laura asks what I see. I yell, "I can't see anything! I think I am in a haze, or smog, or smoke." She asks if I am in the Light. Ummmm... most defintely not. I mean don't get me wrong. The smoke isn't suffocating at all. In fact, it feels like the warm embrace of say... cotton candy. I am not threatened by it, I just can't see shit. Laura once again asks the Guides to show themselves. The same orb that popped up in the grotto jumps into view and I quickly chase it out into... white fluffy clouds.
She asks me to hold a mirror up and describe what I see. I was a little shock to see a white guy, with long straggly brown hair. Yeesh, if this is me, I look like an unkept homeless man that hasn't shaved in decades apparently. Laura asks what I am doing. I blurt out, "I am sitting on a cloud and looking at the World." What the hell? Who says shit like this? "Why are you looking at the world?" Laura prods. "Because I am watching it." Laura asks if I am alone or with someone. I turn to my left and a very cute, chubby white boy with the most adorable blonde ringlets and rosy cheeks smiles back at me. I describe to her my sidekick. She tries to get more information as to why I was looking at the world but all she got was that it was our job to keep it safe and loved. I don't think I am actually these guys. OMG! I think my Guides just revealed themselves. What? Why do my Guides look like a homeless version of Jesus and a photoshopped verison of Cupid?
Laura takes this opportunity to ask THE question, "Spirit, what is Huong's purpose here in this lifetime?" I easily blurt out, "To help other people on their journey. I am a teacher here." Well that explains why I think there are so many morons on this Earth. She then proceeds, "What is she suppose to be teaching?" Effortlessly the words escape my lips, "I need to acknowledge and accept my gift. I just KNOW things. I need to teach people the things that are KNOWN to me." What kind of shit super hero power is that? Oooooohhh watch out dark evil nemesis or I may unleash my power of KNOWING onto you! Why didn't I say something like I have the gift of harnessing the sun's energy and converting it into lazer beams that shoot from my fingers.
Laura then decides to explore my past lives and asks me to move to a time of significance. I am transported to the West Coast. I am sitting amongst a healing circle of Native women, enjoying the heat from the fire, feeling the heavy mist from clouds that are brimming with rain and inhaling the fresh scent of the giant cedars that are towering watchfully over us. I am an Native teacher in the circle and I'm teaching them the healing properties of plants. I am explaining the Circle of Life and empowering everyone to remember to respect the Earth and all that she has given to us. Laura asks if I am a Medicine Woman or a Healer. I yell at her, "NO! I am just a teacher!" Whoa... that was awfully rude. I can't believe I just yelled out at full force. Clearly, Spirit has a sore spot with being called a Healer.
Laura motions me to my time of death. I am surrounded by my tribe. I am passing away from old age and have lived a good long life but I am really sad. The tears start freely and unbashingly rolling down my cheeks and I can feel my sinus getting all clogged up with mucus. What? I am crying again? Gawd I hate crying. Everytime I see someone cry I just want to slap them. Laura asks why I am crying. I tell her because I have not finished what I was suppose to do in this lifetime. She starts the healing process and lets Spirit know that I need to let go of that burden and obligation. That obligation is not to be carried out into this lifetime and needs to just pass. I breathe a really heavy sigh and start gasping a bit for air. Laura see's me struggling and starts counting me out of my trance.
"Three - two - one," and with a snap of her finger my eyes fly open and I adjust my vision to her cozy surroundings. I am speechless. I just stare at Laura's warm eyes and unarming smile reminds me I am safe in her care. The session was intense and surreal. Before our session, Laura pulled a card from her deck. She explains that the card she pulled gave her absolute shivers because during the session I declared I was in a purple fog. I did not know this but apparently the color purple has strong symbolism with intuition and the psychic chakra.
Oh my God, this is retarded. If my eyeballs don't stop moving I'm going to puke from motion sickness even before I start. In the back ground, Laura's soothing voice guides me to a deeper level of rest. Instantly, the eye rolling stops. My Spirit grants Laura's permission to explore my unconscious level. I slowly descend done a spiralling staircase and off in the distance I see a grotto. Laura slows down my descent by getting me to appreciate the texture of the rail and the treads on the staircase. I look down and notice the marble. Oooohh, I love Bianco Carrara! That marble is going to look so hot on the Nygard's countertops once I get rid of that hideous black granite with nasty purple flecking. In the near distant, Laura voice reminds me to let go of my physical world. Damn it Huong, we are not renovating the grotto so stop analyzing it. Slow down the brain waves. Focus! I softly walk down into my sacred pool. I am enveloped in peace. Wow this sure beats hiding out in the bathroom from the kids. I can see now why so many people take up yoga and meditating. Personally I have not been able to meditate and slow my brain down myself. Even when I'm sleeping my brain is on fire. The only time this has happened is when Laura has induced me into hypnosis so this inner peace is the STRANGEST feeling... EVER. So this is what's it's like to get high...
I suddenly notice that I am no longer the physical person I normally see in the mirror. In fact, I am white woman with extremely long wavy blond hair and I'm wearing a floosy sheer dress. WTH? Am I a fairy? No, I don't see any wings. Strange. Laura instructs me to dangle my feet into the scared pond and feel the crisp cool water against my bare skin. I reluctantly poke my big toe into the pond and then quickly pull back. I notice the skin on my toe has Asian pigmentation even though when I look into the pond I a reflection of a white women with long blond hair smiles back. Hahahahaha... I am a halfie! Again I giggle at my cleverness (in my head). Confident that I am my deepest level of rest and really deep into my unconscious, Laura starts the heavy work of discovering my Spirit. Softly she encourages me to go towards an orb of light. I blurt out, "I don't see any lights!" Laura asks the Guides and Angels that are with me to surround me on my journey today and safely assist me on my way. On cue, a little fleck the size of a Twoonie floats mid air. Wow, she's good... I start following the floating orb out of my grotto and into a thick, smoky, cloud of... purple?
Laura asks what I see. I yell, "I can't see anything! I think I am in a haze, or smog, or smoke." She asks if I am in the Light. Ummmm... most defintely not. I mean don't get me wrong. The smoke isn't suffocating at all. In fact, it feels like the warm embrace of say... cotton candy. I am not threatened by it, I just can't see shit. Laura once again asks the Guides to show themselves. The same orb that popped up in the grotto jumps into view and I quickly chase it out into... white fluffy clouds.
She asks me to hold a mirror up and describe what I see. I was a little shock to see a white guy, with long straggly brown hair. Yeesh, if this is me, I look like an unkept homeless man that hasn't shaved in decades apparently. Laura asks what I am doing. I blurt out, "I am sitting on a cloud and looking at the World." What the hell? Who says shit like this? "Why are you looking at the world?" Laura prods. "Because I am watching it." Laura asks if I am alone or with someone. I turn to my left and a very cute, chubby white boy with the most adorable blonde ringlets and rosy cheeks smiles back at me. I describe to her my sidekick. She tries to get more information as to why I was looking at the world but all she got was that it was our job to keep it safe and loved. I don't think I am actually these guys. OMG! I think my Guides just revealed themselves. What? Why do my Guides look like a homeless version of Jesus and a photoshopped verison of Cupid?
Laura takes this opportunity to ask THE question, "Spirit, what is Huong's purpose here in this lifetime?" I easily blurt out, "To help other people on their journey. I am a teacher here." Well that explains why I think there are so many morons on this Earth. She then proceeds, "What is she suppose to be teaching?" Effortlessly the words escape my lips, "I need to acknowledge and accept my gift. I just KNOW things. I need to teach people the things that are KNOWN to me." What kind of shit super hero power is that? Oooooohhh watch out dark evil nemesis or I may unleash my power of KNOWING onto you! Why didn't I say something like I have the gift of harnessing the sun's energy and converting it into lazer beams that shoot from my fingers.
Laura then decides to explore my past lives and asks me to move to a time of significance. I am transported to the West Coast. I am sitting amongst a healing circle of Native women, enjoying the heat from the fire, feeling the heavy mist from clouds that are brimming with rain and inhaling the fresh scent of the giant cedars that are towering watchfully over us. I am an Native teacher in the circle and I'm teaching them the healing properties of plants. I am explaining the Circle of Life and empowering everyone to remember to respect the Earth and all that she has given to us. Laura asks if I am a Medicine Woman or a Healer. I yell at her, "NO! I am just a teacher!" Whoa... that was awfully rude. I can't believe I just yelled out at full force. Clearly, Spirit has a sore spot with being called a Healer.
Laura motions me to my time of death. I am surrounded by my tribe. I am passing away from old age and have lived a good long life but I am really sad. The tears start freely and unbashingly rolling down my cheeks and I can feel my sinus getting all clogged up with mucus. What? I am crying again? Gawd I hate crying. Everytime I see someone cry I just want to slap them. Laura asks why I am crying. I tell her because I have not finished what I was suppose to do in this lifetime. She starts the healing process and lets Spirit know that I need to let go of that burden and obligation. That obligation is not to be carried out into this lifetime and needs to just pass. I breathe a really heavy sigh and start gasping a bit for air. Laura see's me struggling and starts counting me out of my trance.
"Three - two - one," and with a snap of her finger my eyes fly open and I adjust my vision to her cozy surroundings. I am speechless. I just stare at Laura's warm eyes and unarming smile reminds me I am safe in her care. The session was intense and surreal. Before our session, Laura pulled a card from her deck. She explains that the card she pulled gave her absolute shivers because during the session I declared I was in a purple fog. I did not know this but apparently the color purple has strong symbolism with intuition and the psychic chakra.
http://www.empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com/color-purple.html: PURPLE:
Located in the center of the brow, it affects the eyes, the nose, and the intuitive self. When this area is highlighted, you will be focusing on self-respect, tolerance, perseverance, and communicating with your higher self. Your intuition is active, and dreams and visions that occur will provide important input. Your spiritual focus involves faith, turning knowledge into wisdom, and finding your life purpose. To keep this center healthy, it is imperative that you find quiet times (meditation) and seek spiritual guidance when necessary. Your body needs less food and plenty of fresh air. Inhaling purple and exhaling yellow will enhance your intuitive mind.
I have to say since this second session with Laura, I have noticed a shift in how I perceive the world. That heaviness I had felt back in 2010 appears to have lifted and the pastures on my side are definitely greener. I have my quirky bounce back in my steps, the flowers are blooming vividly and what once seemed negative I find hilariously entertaining. Laura has helped me acknowledge what I always knew but the difference now is I JUST KNOW.
That's right folks, I was that annoying kid in the front of the class that raised her hand and knew all the shit. I was the manager that confidently spoke the truth regardless if it was a popular opinion or not. I am the friend that kindly would tell you what you don't want to hear even though your Spirit knows otherwise. Today I am telling you that all the things you can't see with your eyes do exist. Look with your heart, you'll see them.
When I finished my discussion with Laura that day a cluster of white butterflies came dancing out from the wooded area and across the window. A poetic sign that reinforced the card that Laura pulled:
Located in the center of the brow, it affects the eyes, the nose, and the intuitive self. When this area is highlighted, you will be focusing on self-respect, tolerance, perseverance, and communicating with your higher self. Your intuition is active, and dreams and visions that occur will provide important input. Your spiritual focus involves faith, turning knowledge into wisdom, and finding your life purpose. To keep this center healthy, it is imperative that you find quiet times (meditation) and seek spiritual guidance when necessary. Your body needs less food and plenty of fresh air. Inhaling purple and exhaling yellow will enhance your intuitive mind.
I have to say since this second session with Laura, I have noticed a shift in how I perceive the world. That heaviness I had felt back in 2010 appears to have lifted and the pastures on my side are definitely greener. I have my quirky bounce back in my steps, the flowers are blooming vividly and what once seemed negative I find hilariously entertaining. Laura has helped me acknowledge what I always knew but the difference now is I JUST KNOW.
That's right folks, I was that annoying kid in the front of the class that raised her hand and knew all the shit. I was the manager that confidently spoke the truth regardless if it was a popular opinion or not. I am the friend that kindly would tell you what you don't want to hear even though your Spirit knows otherwise. Today I am telling you that all the things you can't see with your eyes do exist. Look with your heart, you'll see them.
When I finished my discussion with Laura that day a cluster of white butterflies came dancing out from the wooded area and across the window. A poetic sign that reinforced the card that Laura pulled:
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