So December 21, 2012 arrived and ended like every other human day. We weren't assaulted with a rapid virus that spread like wildfire and plagued our loved ones with mad Zombie skills like chomping on your mother in law's organs from the outside in. The world did not get engulfed into three days of darkness and shut down all our technology leaving us to talk to each other instead of texting and Facebook chatting. The waters did not siege against our cancerous lands and wash away all our evil. A giant meteorite from the planet Kryptonian did not descend into our atmosphere and burned us into extinction like Barney the dinosaur. Nor did the evil reptilian Queen Anna and her extra-terrestial team of gerbil-eating aliens invade our planet and held our bodies hostage to breed a better race.
That day, like everyday, I woke up and cursed the alarm clock for reminding me I have to work to survive. I sleepily made my way to the shower, blind as a bat, and slipped happily into the shower. It dawned on me that this was THE day and I quietly ask my upstairs team to protect my loved ones in a white light. I pour myself a cup of coffee, yell at Kaiya for not using the potty as dumping urine in her pull ups is for some reason way more appealing and then kiss Tai good day. I drive my enduring commute of 10 minutes to the sleepy village of Steveston and I open my store. Rachael, my sidekick at work arrives totally bummed out that something catastrophic has not occurred and she must continue her mundane human routine. We chat to our friends and customers, make some money and end our work day on time. I drive home and Chris greets me with a sombre "nothing happened yet" look. We eat our dinner, watch TV, cuddle our babies and discuss how uneventful our day was. We went to bed and repeat the familiar routine again until January 1, 2013.
I am sure, the prophecies of the Mayans made everyone nervous. The spiritualists explained that this was a shift in Human Consciousness and an exciting time for us humans. Currently we have all purposefully asked permission to wear the coveted "human suit" to enter this life. Each of us chose to experience everything that this planet had to offer. As spiritual beings, we are compromised of energy based on Light and Love and we chose to "forget" all of our higher knowledge of our Self to authenticate our experiences here. However the "human suit" we are wearing is quite dense in the sense that the frequency is vibrating quite low. When you are angry, cruel, hateful, jealous, sad and scared you literally do feel heavier which translates into feeling awful. Your are out of natural alignment. When you are happy, joyful, kind and in bliss you are vibrating at a higher frequency, making your "human suit" lighter. Everyone knows this and can feel your energy because you feel like you're floating on cloud nine and the world is your oyster. The shift in consciousness means that all humans will wake up from their slumber and finally realize some basic TRUTHS. Truth is, we are a light from the original source of our Creator and we were created based on Love. Truth is, we are all connected by energy and so whatever you think or do will translate into some kind of energy feedback. Truth is, we cannot create positive energy if you don't love your self first. Whatever you think, this power of thought will create form. You will create your own version of hell or your own version of heaven in this shift. As always in your human suit, your choice to choose is part of our life experience of free will.
Ready or not, Mother Earth who has her own energy field will shift into a higher frequency based on Love. Honestly, no one can blame the poor girl. Apparently as a sincere show of gratitude for her unconditional love and support for hosting our human suit, humanity has chosen to collectively rape her. What a pleasant way to repay our host. To exist on this plane, in this time and dimension, you need to raise your vibration to meet our host or else you simply can no longer exist. This is not a judgement if you're bad or good. Or is this a fight of who's right or wrong. It is simply a fact. The analogy for this complex theory is an old school radio with those rabbit ears. Some channels you can pick up communication crystal clear depending on the frequency and positioning. Some channels you barely can eek out the message because it's all muddy. Other channels you don't even realize exist because you can't tune into it but the reality is they do exist. If your channel is not in tune to Mother Earth's frequency then you simply don't exist. The teachers define this shift in humanity as Ascension. Ascending to a higher frequency means the next playing field allows your thoughts to create the power of your universe and experience. By thought, you are able to take care of all your basic human needs simply by thinking it. Food, water and shelter will always be available simply by you thinking about it. You will be free to do whatever you like. Our system will be based on creation and kindness. It will be a Renaissance period of Enlightment. The correlation of manifestation by thought and energy is like Green Lantern's super power. Whatever you think will be.
I have been an avid student. Unlike some human suits, mine has not developed a clear, direct communication line to the Creator or other beings out in space so I use the human part of the suit, my brain and read as much as I can. Whatever information resonates with my Spirit I ponder on and regurgitate to whoever is lucky enough in my world to bounce the ideas off of. At home, it's usually Chris who politely listens but I know passes judgements on the more unorthodox theories. At work, Rachael and Jenn enthusiastically pays attention but it's more like a sick fascination of watching a car wreck. Online, Trevor Gallogher and Laura Whieldon happily invests into my robust debates as they are walking similar journeys to discover more. At lunches and dinners, Steph and Silvia intently listen but cautiously watch as I walk the fine line of crazy. Luckily for me I don't feel alone. In addition to an amazing support network, I have an anonymous audience reading my journey, analyzing, taking what they need, reaching out when they feel it and leaving what is not yet understood.
Chris and I really are the cliche definition of Ying and Yang. He is hardwire for negativity. His anxiety for change holds back his wings to fly. His fear for the worst case scenarios dormants his Spirit from really shining. Everyday is a battle in our household to change the hardwiring to see the beauty in life. With the impending doom of the world ending, he confesses that instead of sleeping, he spends his night playing in his head how to protect his family from harm. In his head he thinks he should stock seeds, take up fire arms courses, build under ground bunkers and hoard food and water. When he is brave he asks if it's okay to indulge into his fears. I tell him to acknowledge it, let it pass and have faith that whatever is in store for humanity is for the greater good. If we are meant to be here, we will be here. If we were meant to exit, no amount of hoarding will save you from returning Home. I'm not sure if he believed me but our bank account is not depleted from investing in "what if" supplies. I feel many people secretly played out the same scenarios in their heads.
Honestly, I think many people are slightly pissed off that something apocalyptic did'nt happen. Many people are existing in their human suits, forgetting that they are a child of Divine energy so they go about living an unconscious life. Their perception is bogged down with negative energies based on lack of love for themselves and fear. They are shackled into a dense human suit of unhappiness that they created. Although catastrophic, an apocalyptic episode would mean that humanity has a chance to even the playing field and have a fresh start. People are tired of the systems that we created and no longer serve us. The current government, politics and money paradigms favors only a privilege few. Although civilization is abundant, there are still many existing without basics for our human suit. Technologically, we have advanced light years from our homo sapiens days yet ironically many feel lost, are lonely and disconnected from each other even with the information over surge. At least if a zombie is ripping your heart out, it is nondiscriminatory in it's attack and not based on conditions like sexuality, social status, belief systems and ethnicity. Total chaos can unite humanity because intense fear will ironically bind our energy to each other. Nothing moves change quickly like a good villain. So far however... it didn't happen. Our divine energy is still operating its dense human suit. There is still inequality and unhappiness is still a common denominator. Or is it?
I have no idea why but I have been feel lighter since the Fall. Things that usually really piss me off and creates neurological synapses to fire into angry destructive mode no longer fire as fiercely. Some things that use to annoy the hell out of me I just don't care anymore. I still worry about the human things like money, health and offering the best for my children. But when I get myself into this humaness, I find that I stumble back out of the ditches a lot faster than before.
I find that I spend more time dreaming and reflecting of a better world. I realize now that in my human suit I have human joys that I can cherish without guilt. I love creating. I play with color, textures, and shape to design beautiful spaces. I love writing. I connect and clarify when I put thoughts into words. I love helping people. My finest moments have always been when I have been of service to those that need me. I love teaching and learning. I am fascinated with the lessons of the world and delighted when I am travelling. I love Nature. I feel grounded and at peace when I am in a unpolluted natural state. I love eating. I relish in the sight, smell, sound and tastes of beautiful foods. I have a love-hate relationship with my family and friends. I love the enchanted sheer joy that the world of children opens. I love the deep bonds forged through blood and sometimes unexplainable chemistry. I hate the lessons that really push my character from these relationships and I hate the fact that with every bond, I know it can't last forever.
People are sobering up from the "Doom Party." The hangover is losing it's haze. For those looking for hardcore proof that something has shifted will probably be disappointed. For those that realize the shift occurs from within and is as gentle as a feathery kiss of love on your soul will find an ignition. Believe it or not you chose to wear your human suit. It is really up to you to live your life and navigate it from a seat of enthusiasm, adventure, fun, joy and love.
Celebrate you. Love your Self. Be kind to your Self. Honor your Spirit. Find your joys. The apocalypse is actually from within.
Here is a Facebook link to a compelling spiritual teacher I just discovered if you are hungry to learn more: https://www.facebook.com/huong.nguyen.98892615?__req=8#!/ShelleyYates.Samoiya
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
12-12-12
People over think. I have to admit, I am an addict when it comes to over thinking. I chess play each move, analyze the pros and cons of every angle and then calculate my risks. I stress about the details, fret over the worst case scenarios and have my eye always targeting towards the future. I realized lately though that I lose the most precious gift that time gives when I do this... I lose the PRESENT.
My baby sister picked 12-12-12 as her big day to commit to a lifetime of happiness. During the whole wedding planning process Steph was a reluctant bride in that she did not want to waste precious time stressing about minute details that in the end didn't really matter. The horror stories of Bridezillas engulfed in their own fiery tantrums scarred her and she unconsciously vowed to extinguish that by taking nothing too seriously... so she strategically selected a destination wedding in Mexico. She wanted people to remember the week as an extended party with all the people that she loved. It was that simple. I cleverly suggested that maybe she should do it on 12-12-12 so that way she covered all her bases. If the Doom Sayers are correct in predicting that the world will end on December 22, 2012 then we can all have one last epic party together before the Zombie apocalypse fucks us over. However, if the Mayan's are correct and it's just our consciousness shifting to one based on LOVE then Steph will never forget her anniversary date because it's so easy to remember. Sometimes I amaze myself at my own wit.
The weather reports showed that Puerto Morelos was forecasted to have rain storms and thunder showers during our week at Ocean Coral Turquesa, an all inclusive 4 star ocean front resort nestled in between Cancun and Mayan Riveria. For some reason I was designated with the task of parting the clouds on the big day. Funny, I don't recall having that level of expertise on my resume. The night before a huge thunder storm hit the resort. It was pouring rain, intense lighting and booming thunder. All night I had nightmares that Steph's wedding would be ruined. I quietly asked whatever or whoever was listening upstairs to bless my beautiful baby sister with the gorgeous, sunny weather that she and Jamie so deserved. In my restless sleep an ancient and deep voice kept saying, "We will bless her in our tradition."
9AM comes fast and although I barely slept because of the imploding storm outside our balcony, I drag my not-so-young body out of bed. I cautiously peek out at the balcony and let out a huge sigh of relief. The Mayan Gods have heard my pleas, the sun was out in full glory revealing the beauty of the turquoise waters, white talcum soft sand and palm trees! Giddy at my cloud parting abilities, I skip to the bathroom mirror and start the long arduous journey of attempting to look amazing. One glance in the mirror revealed that last night's lack of beauty sleep means I would have to really push my years of make-up artistry to the limit. The good news is that I'm just the bridesmaid so who really cares what I look like. The thought lit up my face and I decided, "Meh, it's stopped raining so really, who cares what anyone looks like."
Stephanie and Jamie decided to recognize the tradition of not seeing each other the night before. Aliea, (Steph's childhood friend) and other bridesmaid slept in Steph's room and the plan was to have all three of us get ready together in the morning in time for the 12:00PM ceremony. Yes, she was dorky enough to get married at 12PM on 12-12-12. Like a good bridesmaid, Aliea ordered room service to ensure the Bride had some food in her system. I got my hair done at the salon by a woman that barely spoke any English. What I did manage to understand was that in Mexico, if it rains the night before it's considered a blessing for the Bride for a lifetime of happiness. My hairdresser then proceeded to teach me how to say a couple Spanish words while she stabbed my scalp with a million bobbin pins and filled my lungs with hairspray.
When I arrived at Steph's room, Kim (my brother's girlfriend) is madly working on Steph, Aliea and Kaiya's hair and make-up. Aliea who is usually seen in baggy pants and a t-shirt four times too big for her is beautifully all glammed up in a bright blue sleeveless chiffon dress with a flattering sweetheart neckline. The short flirty dress accentuates her long toned legs and shows off her envious woman curves. Her unruly mop head has been perfectly coiffed back to reveal her stunning cheekbones, pouty lips and beautiful olive skin. I laugh because the only time I have seen Aliea like this is when Steph and I bully her into it. So once, when she turned of age and we got her drunk at a night club. The second time was when she was my bridesmaid and the third time was today for Steph's wedding. Such a shame such natural beauty gets trudged through the "tomboy ugly bus" on a daily basis.
My normally dirty baby girl is happily wearing her Peacock inspired full length tutu dress. Steph wanted her flower girl to mimic her fun wedding attitude so Kaiya's dress was iconic. After watching an hour of You Tube videos, Steph made the dress herself and was so proud of the fact that she never had to sew it. Kaiya had purple flowers on the top and streams of tulle in purple, green, blue and turquoise flowed fairy-like to her ankles. Her hair was pulled back and held in place with a sequined purple headband and matching sequin purple shoes. Her naturally bright eyes filled with a sense of adventure and although it really didn't make a difference, she pledged to listen and "be good" on Steph's wedding day.
My baby sister is naturally gifted with good looks. As a kid, everyone commented on how cute she was and she easily won hearts with her generous smile and infectious enthusiasm for everything fun. Although she never needs much make-up, when she does preen and primp herself she is a definite head turner. Today Kim had expertly swept her long hair low to one side and has put in voluminous, sexy curls that tumble playfully around her face. Her eyes have been dramatically played up to show her larger than average Asian size and for the big day, Steph has applied ridiculously long eyelash extensions to highlight her best feature. Her big splurge for the wedding was her Maggie Sotterro designed wedding dress. Contrary to typical destination wedding dresses, her dress is best described as gigantic... jaw dropping, eye bulging gorgeous... just really, giant. The sweetheart neckline, assymetrical gathered ruched drop waist, layers of fun, ruffled taffeta and extended train perfectly hugs every curve and surprisingly, doesn't overwhelm her petite 4'11" frame. I spend 20 minutes meticulously lacing her up corset back only to realize I forgot to put in her modesty panel. I cheekily comment that we can just leave it to show off her best ASSets but was yelled at to leave my sense of humor in the gutter. Begrudgingly I painstakingly re-lace up the giant dress. We drip Steph in all her jewelry and then get the call that her flowers arrived with a mistake. The orchids she ordered for her hair is not here so she can work with an alternative or wait 15 minutes to see if it will come. Steph decides to wait so Harjit (Jamie's Dad's girlfriend) and photographer starts snapping away to kill time.
The wedding coordinator arrives all in a panic and declares that the orchids won't make it so we pin a large white lily in her hair instead. Our bouquets are a classic and simple arrangement of white calla lilies and roses wrapped in the signature bright blue ribbon. The coordinator herds us ladies all on a golf cart and takes us to the ceremony sites where the guests, groomsmen, ring bearer and groom awaits. Aliea and I squeeze each others hands and attempt to give each other a pep talk to not bawl our face off. Just in case though, we shove wads of tissues down our cleavage. As we start to drive towards the ceremony site on the beach, the skies started to darken and I see black clouds rolling in. The "Oh SHIT" moment hit me when I realized the clouds converged over our resort. I start cussing under my breath and swearing in a couple languages at the Mayan Gods, "Dudes... I thought we had a deal yo..." The weather rapidly shifts and it starts lightly misting. I angrily wave my fist into the air.
The wedding procession starts. Tai and Kaiya lead the procession, followed by Aliea and David (Jamie's cousin), myself and Chris and finally Jamie and his mom. As we stand up at the altar, the mist starts having a wee bit more volume and turns into light rain. Luckily we're under a gazebo wrapped in a gauzy white fabric but the guests sitting on the folded chairs were not so blessed. I look down at the white sandy aisle and for a collective moment everyone held their breath. "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" hauntingly plays in the background and my dad, wearing linen pants and a white short sleeve shirt commands the attention as he proudly walks his beautiful baby girl down the aisle. Aliea and I simultaneously share a look and sensing the impending mutual water works, she whispers, "Look away! Look away!" We briefly glance at the ocean to control the tears as the vision of our best friend and sister in all her natural beauty was overwhelmingly emotional. Funny how intense love makes you lose it. I glance over to Jamie and it dawns on me that my new brother is equally as beautiful. His dirty blond hair and bright blue eyes gives a classic charming boy next door look. With his eyes fixated on his bride, Jamie looks extremely handsome in his light grey pin stripe pants and vest outfit. His groomsmen and Tai wear a more relaxed version of his outfit with darker grey pants and a short sleeve, crisp, white button top. All the boys are finished off with a boutonniere made of a white plumeria and a peacock feather.
As Steph takes her place beside Jamie, the minister starts on the vows. Kaiya who has an attention span of a goldfish decides that playing in the sand and throwing it at the guests was way more entertaining than listening to the endless promises. I discreetly kick her and mutter a threat under my breath that only she heard. She stops the sand throwing but continues to squat in the sand. I quietly wonder if she's pooing. I focus back onto the vows and as soon as Steph and Jamie said, "I do" the dark clouds rejoiced by down pouring. It monsooned. Not mist, not lightly rain, not Vancouver sideways freaky rain... full on... monsooned! Even though everyone ran for cover we were so drenched that it looked like all 40 guests decided to go for a communal swim in the ocean. The good news is that no one died. The bad news is that all the ladies had to re-do their hair and make-up.
We spend the next two hours taking photos in the sheltered areas of the resort. I try to look amazingly fierce even though my underwear was too tight. A week before we departed Steph announced to me that she would bestow me the honor of MCing the event. I seriously don't understand how I always get stuck as master of ceremonies. Just because I have a big mouth and love talking doesn't necessarily mean I enjoy MCing. Since I had a couple hours in between the ceremony and reception I crack open the kid's construction paper and hastily scribble out the speech with a felt marker. I decided to keep it short and hilarious like me and save the emo stuff for Chris who has perfected the art of emo.
At 6PM the crew heads over to the reception and I look forward to the night of good food, too much alcohol, awkward speeches and even more awkward dance moves. The night delivered on the expectations. The food was decent and the alcohol consumed was more than the week's usual thanks to Ann (Kim's sister) who made it her mission to out drink all the boys even though she weighs 100lbs monsoon soaking wet. Jamie's dad, Dan surprised him with a speech that was nervously spoken with pride and reflection. Dan got extra kudos from his Erin (his ex-wife) by acknowledging that she did 99% of the parenting. Chris eloquently articulated a rehearsed story about how he master minded the union between Steph and Jamie and they should be in forever debt at his mad match making prowess. Throughout the night, the guests would serenade to the new married couple if we wanted to see them kiss. Adrenaline and alcohol induced songs always made the group break out in cheers. The DJ did a spectacular job of keeping the energies high and they busted out Gangnam style, old school, Top 40 and the random Banghra to keep everyone on their feet until we were kicked out of the ballroom venue at 11PM. No one wanted the night to end so we extended the party in more comfy clothes onto the pool party. Not surprisingly, many guests were noticeably absent from the resort common areas the next day.
What better way to celebrate than with a care-free week long party where the biggest worry was which area should we party at? Steph's panache for simplicity was a perfect remedy for today's hectic world so obsessed with improvement. By simply enjoying the moment, appreciating what we have and not spending energy worrying about whether we're adequate enough, all of her and Jamie's 40 guests were momentarily wrapped in the PRESENT. What a beautiful way to start your next chapter.
Doo-doo-doo!!! Tra-la-la!!!
My baby sister picked 12-12-12 as her big day to commit to a lifetime of happiness. During the whole wedding planning process Steph was a reluctant bride in that she did not want to waste precious time stressing about minute details that in the end didn't really matter. The horror stories of Bridezillas engulfed in their own fiery tantrums scarred her and she unconsciously vowed to extinguish that by taking nothing too seriously... so she strategically selected a destination wedding in Mexico. She wanted people to remember the week as an extended party with all the people that she loved. It was that simple. I cleverly suggested that maybe she should do it on 12-12-12 so that way she covered all her bases. If the Doom Sayers are correct in predicting that the world will end on December 22, 2012 then we can all have one last epic party together before the Zombie apocalypse fucks us over. However, if the Mayan's are correct and it's just our consciousness shifting to one based on LOVE then Steph will never forget her anniversary date because it's so easy to remember. Sometimes I amaze myself at my own wit.
The weather reports showed that Puerto Morelos was forecasted to have rain storms and thunder showers during our week at Ocean Coral Turquesa, an all inclusive 4 star ocean front resort nestled in between Cancun and Mayan Riveria. For some reason I was designated with the task of parting the clouds on the big day. Funny, I don't recall having that level of expertise on my resume. The night before a huge thunder storm hit the resort. It was pouring rain, intense lighting and booming thunder. All night I had nightmares that Steph's wedding would be ruined. I quietly asked whatever or whoever was listening upstairs to bless my beautiful baby sister with the gorgeous, sunny weather that she and Jamie so deserved. In my restless sleep an ancient and deep voice kept saying, "We will bless her in our tradition."
9AM comes fast and although I barely slept because of the imploding storm outside our balcony, I drag my not-so-young body out of bed. I cautiously peek out at the balcony and let out a huge sigh of relief. The Mayan Gods have heard my pleas, the sun was out in full glory revealing the beauty of the turquoise waters, white talcum soft sand and palm trees! Giddy at my cloud parting abilities, I skip to the bathroom mirror and start the long arduous journey of attempting to look amazing. One glance in the mirror revealed that last night's lack of beauty sleep means I would have to really push my years of make-up artistry to the limit. The good news is that I'm just the bridesmaid so who really cares what I look like. The thought lit up my face and I decided, "Meh, it's stopped raining so really, who cares what anyone looks like."
Stephanie and Jamie decided to recognize the tradition of not seeing each other the night before. Aliea, (Steph's childhood friend) and other bridesmaid slept in Steph's room and the plan was to have all three of us get ready together in the morning in time for the 12:00PM ceremony. Yes, she was dorky enough to get married at 12PM on 12-12-12. Like a good bridesmaid, Aliea ordered room service to ensure the Bride had some food in her system. I got my hair done at the salon by a woman that barely spoke any English. What I did manage to understand was that in Mexico, if it rains the night before it's considered a blessing for the Bride for a lifetime of happiness. My hairdresser then proceeded to teach me how to say a couple Spanish words while she stabbed my scalp with a million bobbin pins and filled my lungs with hairspray.
When I arrived at Steph's room, Kim (my brother's girlfriend) is madly working on Steph, Aliea and Kaiya's hair and make-up. Aliea who is usually seen in baggy pants and a t-shirt four times too big for her is beautifully all glammed up in a bright blue sleeveless chiffon dress with a flattering sweetheart neckline. The short flirty dress accentuates her long toned legs and shows off her envious woman curves. Her unruly mop head has been perfectly coiffed back to reveal her stunning cheekbones, pouty lips and beautiful olive skin. I laugh because the only time I have seen Aliea like this is when Steph and I bully her into it. So once, when she turned of age and we got her drunk at a night club. The second time was when she was my bridesmaid and the third time was today for Steph's wedding. Such a shame such natural beauty gets trudged through the "tomboy ugly bus" on a daily basis.
My normally dirty baby girl is happily wearing her Peacock inspired full length tutu dress. Steph wanted her flower girl to mimic her fun wedding attitude so Kaiya's dress was iconic. After watching an hour of You Tube videos, Steph made the dress herself and was so proud of the fact that she never had to sew it. Kaiya had purple flowers on the top and streams of tulle in purple, green, blue and turquoise flowed fairy-like to her ankles. Her hair was pulled back and held in place with a sequined purple headband and matching sequin purple shoes. Her naturally bright eyes filled with a sense of adventure and although it really didn't make a difference, she pledged to listen and "be good" on Steph's wedding day.
My baby sister is naturally gifted with good looks. As a kid, everyone commented on how cute she was and she easily won hearts with her generous smile and infectious enthusiasm for everything fun. Although she never needs much make-up, when she does preen and primp herself she is a definite head turner. Today Kim had expertly swept her long hair low to one side and has put in voluminous, sexy curls that tumble playfully around her face. Her eyes have been dramatically played up to show her larger than average Asian size and for the big day, Steph has applied ridiculously long eyelash extensions to highlight her best feature. Her big splurge for the wedding was her Maggie Sotterro designed wedding dress. Contrary to typical destination wedding dresses, her dress is best described as gigantic... jaw dropping, eye bulging gorgeous... just really, giant. The sweetheart neckline, assymetrical gathered ruched drop waist, layers of fun, ruffled taffeta and extended train perfectly hugs every curve and surprisingly, doesn't overwhelm her petite 4'11" frame. I spend 20 minutes meticulously lacing her up corset back only to realize I forgot to put in her modesty panel. I cheekily comment that we can just leave it to show off her best ASSets but was yelled at to leave my sense of humor in the gutter. Begrudgingly I painstakingly re-lace up the giant dress. We drip Steph in all her jewelry and then get the call that her flowers arrived with a mistake. The orchids she ordered for her hair is not here so she can work with an alternative or wait 15 minutes to see if it will come. Steph decides to wait so Harjit (Jamie's Dad's girlfriend) and photographer starts snapping away to kill time.
The wedding coordinator arrives all in a panic and declares that the orchids won't make it so we pin a large white lily in her hair instead. Our bouquets are a classic and simple arrangement of white calla lilies and roses wrapped in the signature bright blue ribbon. The coordinator herds us ladies all on a golf cart and takes us to the ceremony sites where the guests, groomsmen, ring bearer and groom awaits. Aliea and I squeeze each others hands and attempt to give each other a pep talk to not bawl our face off. Just in case though, we shove wads of tissues down our cleavage. As we start to drive towards the ceremony site on the beach, the skies started to darken and I see black clouds rolling in. The "Oh SHIT" moment hit me when I realized the clouds converged over our resort. I start cussing under my breath and swearing in a couple languages at the Mayan Gods, "Dudes... I thought we had a deal yo..." The weather rapidly shifts and it starts lightly misting. I angrily wave my fist into the air.
The wedding procession starts. Tai and Kaiya lead the procession, followed by Aliea and David (Jamie's cousin), myself and Chris and finally Jamie and his mom. As we stand up at the altar, the mist starts having a wee bit more volume and turns into light rain. Luckily we're under a gazebo wrapped in a gauzy white fabric but the guests sitting on the folded chairs were not so blessed. I look down at the white sandy aisle and for a collective moment everyone held their breath. "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" hauntingly plays in the background and my dad, wearing linen pants and a white short sleeve shirt commands the attention as he proudly walks his beautiful baby girl down the aisle. Aliea and I simultaneously share a look and sensing the impending mutual water works, she whispers, "Look away! Look away!" We briefly glance at the ocean to control the tears as the vision of our best friend and sister in all her natural beauty was overwhelmingly emotional. Funny how intense love makes you lose it. I glance over to Jamie and it dawns on me that my new brother is equally as beautiful. His dirty blond hair and bright blue eyes gives a classic charming boy next door look. With his eyes fixated on his bride, Jamie looks extremely handsome in his light grey pin stripe pants and vest outfit. His groomsmen and Tai wear a more relaxed version of his outfit with darker grey pants and a short sleeve, crisp, white button top. All the boys are finished off with a boutonniere made of a white plumeria and a peacock feather.
As Steph takes her place beside Jamie, the minister starts on the vows. Kaiya who has an attention span of a goldfish decides that playing in the sand and throwing it at the guests was way more entertaining than listening to the endless promises. I discreetly kick her and mutter a threat under my breath that only she heard. She stops the sand throwing but continues to squat in the sand. I quietly wonder if she's pooing. I focus back onto the vows and as soon as Steph and Jamie said, "I do" the dark clouds rejoiced by down pouring. It monsooned. Not mist, not lightly rain, not Vancouver sideways freaky rain... full on... monsooned! Even though everyone ran for cover we were so drenched that it looked like all 40 guests decided to go for a communal swim in the ocean. The good news is that no one died. The bad news is that all the ladies had to re-do their hair and make-up.
We spend the next two hours taking photos in the sheltered areas of the resort. I try to look amazingly fierce even though my underwear was too tight. A week before we departed Steph announced to me that she would bestow me the honor of MCing the event. I seriously don't understand how I always get stuck as master of ceremonies. Just because I have a big mouth and love talking doesn't necessarily mean I enjoy MCing. Since I had a couple hours in between the ceremony and reception I crack open the kid's construction paper and hastily scribble out the speech with a felt marker. I decided to keep it short and hilarious like me and save the emo stuff for Chris who has perfected the art of emo.
At 6PM the crew heads over to the reception and I look forward to the night of good food, too much alcohol, awkward speeches and even more awkward dance moves. The night delivered on the expectations. The food was decent and the alcohol consumed was more than the week's usual thanks to Ann (Kim's sister) who made it her mission to out drink all the boys even though she weighs 100lbs monsoon soaking wet. Jamie's dad, Dan surprised him with a speech that was nervously spoken with pride and reflection. Dan got extra kudos from his Erin (his ex-wife) by acknowledging that she did 99% of the parenting. Chris eloquently articulated a rehearsed story about how he master minded the union between Steph and Jamie and they should be in forever debt at his mad match making prowess. Throughout the night, the guests would serenade to the new married couple if we wanted to see them kiss. Adrenaline and alcohol induced songs always made the group break out in cheers. The DJ did a spectacular job of keeping the energies high and they busted out Gangnam style, old school, Top 40 and the random Banghra to keep everyone on their feet until we were kicked out of the ballroom venue at 11PM. No one wanted the night to end so we extended the party in more comfy clothes onto the pool party. Not surprisingly, many guests were noticeably absent from the resort common areas the next day.
What better way to celebrate than with a care-free week long party where the biggest worry was which area should we party at? Steph's panache for simplicity was a perfect remedy for today's hectic world so obsessed with improvement. By simply enjoying the moment, appreciating what we have and not spending energy worrying about whether we're adequate enough, all of her and Jamie's 40 guests were momentarily wrapped in the PRESENT. What a beautiful way to start your next chapter.
Doo-doo-doo!!! Tra-la-la!!!
Monday, October 15, 2012
My Spidey Senses Are Tingling
I am not a super hero. I don't wear my underwear on the outside and I don't leap off the Empire State building to save falling damsels in distress. I don't have laser vision that burns through Kryptonite nor do I fly on demand. I don't re-direct nuclear war heads bound for Earth's destruction into outer space and you can most definitely tell who I am when I wear my glasses. I can't command the weather and I most certainly can't deflect flying bullets.
I do have my moments though. I call it my "wha-WHAAA!" moments. Laura calls it "divine intervention." She's like a giant Gummy Bear - her cyber hugs always comes perfectly at the right moments and it always feels all sweet and uber squishy. Silvia calls it "crazy." She's like my parole officer - if I wander too far she reels me back in. Steph calls it "weird shit." She's like my editor - when my stories get too discombobulated she teases out the facts from the emotions. Chris... well he just stares at me with one raised eyebrow and occasionally pats me on the head for good measure. I think he's secretly interested but the risk adverse side of him is preparing for the psychiatric evaluation.
I have noticed my wha-WHAAA moments tend to come when I am zoning out. If I am admiring a raindrop or driving I get "thoughts" that don't feel like mine popping in. Sometimes I get it during conversations with random people.
A couple months ago a customer that had purchased a sofa from me came in to ask about possibly purchasing a coordinating coffee table. She didn't look very good so I blurted out my observation - which of course was delivered rather abruptly. In defense she said she hasn't been sleeping well because her daughter has been having nightmares. I asked how old her daughter was and she said she was nine. I thought it was odd that a nine year old was having sleep issues and suddenly, just like that, I opened my mouth, "Did her Grandma just pass away?" My customer was taken aback and nervously said, "Yes, my mom passed away a couple months ago. It has been really hard because I'm a single mom and my daughter was really close to her. She has been sleeping with me because I think she is scared I will be taken away too." Again, cruise control took over the mouth. "Oh well your daughter can't sleep because your mom is visiting her and she's so young she can't handle the vision. Did you ask your mom to hang out?" My customer is now wide eyed and whispers, "Well I was having a really rough time so I was praying that she stay beside me and help me." "Okay. Well she heard your prayers I guess and is sticking by you. Maybe you should let your mom know she can lovingly watch over you but not make an appearance around your daughter." My client and I just stared at each other. She then bravely asks, "Why do you know this?" Electricity starts shooting through my body and it just dawned on me that my Intuition somehow was able to get a word in edge wise. "I don't know..."
Just for kicks, I attended Cheryl-Lee Harnish's Practical Intuitive Workshop. I was curious as to what the sassy and entertaining lady had to offer. As part of her curriculum she explains the theory behind all the wu-ha-ha and mysticism and walks you through several practical exercises to engage your intuition. She leads off the day but saying that EVERYONE is born into this world with INTUITION as one of the tools on your survival belt. Like any skill, with practice you can learn to wield it more expertly than others. Sounds simple enough right? This petite woman claims it's like breathing. A natural process that is so gentle our loud minds tend to over throw it. Damn... so that's why I can't seem to make it click more consistently. I knew my brain was trouble. She takes you through a guided meditation to prime you to receive these gentle messages. In this first exercise she tries to get you to sense your Spirit or your guiding angels or your team of peeps "upstairs." The students that bravely shared their experience talk about a warm and loving feeling that made them all nice and tingly. My experience was far from it. I am not the type of person to have visions. I usually just have thoughts pop in and out of my head. However in this particular incident I did envision a profile of a dark face and then a crow flew out of view. My body reacted to the dark presence by a heaviness on my chest and my heart races. My eyes flew open and I am calmed by seeing Laura sitting beside me. Note to self... try connecting to the warm fuzzy guardian spirits so I can float with the rest of the Care Bears.
Cheryl-Lee gets you to pair up with another student that you have never met before. I find a sweet woman and we sit back to back as to not see each other. We get a couple minutes to "feel" each other out energetically and then we write down whatever comes to your mind on a piece of paper. My partner makes an attempt. It was pretty feeble but I politely smile because I think it encourages her. I feel totally silly writing this stuff down but I do it anyways. I write: blue car, lots of love and caring, and boy. It turns out her first car was a big blue station wagon and she loved it so much it had a name. She is a nurse and although she has two daughters who she totally adores she desperately wants a baby boy to complete her family. I tell her if she tries for a third that will be her little Prince. She stares at me. I stare at my piece of paper. Wow... WTF just happened here? Electricity starts shooting through me. She asks for my email address so I can do readings on her. I tell her, "Ummmm... maybe not yet."
In the second exercise we pair up with another random person. I pick another woman and in this exercise we hold hands and with our eyes closed we energetically grope each other. We are suppose to say whatever pops into your head. Again my partner throws things out and none of it makes sense to me or they seem really generic. When it was my turn to ramble I had thoughts of a white picket fence, an open space that seemed like a farm, a huge tree, a fluffy white cat, India, elephants, she was surrounded by a whole bunch of different colored skinned children and there was a female that sucked the life out of her. My eyes pop open and the lady had a giant smile on her face. She gets really excited and tells me that a couple years ago she was studying in Europe and stayed on this farm that had a white picket fence. On sunny days she would sit under this giant apple tree for shade and practiced her yoga. She nostalgically confesses that it was her happy place. I learn that she is a teacher at an international private school in Victoria. She had a white fluffy cat that she loved and adored but it died. Her room mate and her are currently fighting. She was also trying to decide between going to India or Asia for her next trip. I tell her she should see India... whatever she is looking for she'll find it there. She gives me a huge hug and squeals, "Wow you're really good at this!" I am beyond spooked so I excuse myself to go pee.
My friend Laura goes through the same realization that she really does have a gift. She freaks out her partner in one exercise by telling him that she sees a young woman with long blonde hair hugging him from behind. It turns out that she accurately described his girlfriend who passed away from cancer last year. She would often embrace him from behind. Ya... I know... that story sent goosebumps up and down and all around my body too.
So I have intuition. I wear it awkwardly on my belt and I sometimes take a leap of faith which often saves myself and others from further distress. My thoughts are fragmented but when it's "go time" they are freakily accurate. I am an energy whore so I can sense when you're in trouble and need a friend. I have a big mouth that is connected to my cruise control so when I deliver (insert something you really don't want to hear) it's because a higher upper wants you to have the message. It's my wha-WHAAA power.
I do have my moments though. I call it my "wha-WHAAA!" moments. Laura calls it "divine intervention." She's like a giant Gummy Bear - her cyber hugs always comes perfectly at the right moments and it always feels all sweet and uber squishy. Silvia calls it "crazy." She's like my parole officer - if I wander too far she reels me back in. Steph calls it "weird shit." She's like my editor - when my stories get too discombobulated she teases out the facts from the emotions. Chris... well he just stares at me with one raised eyebrow and occasionally pats me on the head for good measure. I think he's secretly interested but the risk adverse side of him is preparing for the psychiatric evaluation.
I have noticed my wha-WHAAA moments tend to come when I am zoning out. If I am admiring a raindrop or driving I get "thoughts" that don't feel like mine popping in. Sometimes I get it during conversations with random people.
A couple months ago a customer that had purchased a sofa from me came in to ask about possibly purchasing a coordinating coffee table. She didn't look very good so I blurted out my observation - which of course was delivered rather abruptly. In defense she said she hasn't been sleeping well because her daughter has been having nightmares. I asked how old her daughter was and she said she was nine. I thought it was odd that a nine year old was having sleep issues and suddenly, just like that, I opened my mouth, "Did her Grandma just pass away?" My customer was taken aback and nervously said, "Yes, my mom passed away a couple months ago. It has been really hard because I'm a single mom and my daughter was really close to her. She has been sleeping with me because I think she is scared I will be taken away too." Again, cruise control took over the mouth. "Oh well your daughter can't sleep because your mom is visiting her and she's so young she can't handle the vision. Did you ask your mom to hang out?" My customer is now wide eyed and whispers, "Well I was having a really rough time so I was praying that she stay beside me and help me." "Okay. Well she heard your prayers I guess and is sticking by you. Maybe you should let your mom know she can lovingly watch over you but not make an appearance around your daughter." My client and I just stared at each other. She then bravely asks, "Why do you know this?" Electricity starts shooting through my body and it just dawned on me that my Intuition somehow was able to get a word in edge wise. "I don't know..."
Just for kicks, I attended Cheryl-Lee Harnish's Practical Intuitive Workshop. I was curious as to what the sassy and entertaining lady had to offer. As part of her curriculum she explains the theory behind all the wu-ha-ha and mysticism and walks you through several practical exercises to engage your intuition. She leads off the day but saying that EVERYONE is born into this world with INTUITION as one of the tools on your survival belt. Like any skill, with practice you can learn to wield it more expertly than others. Sounds simple enough right? This petite woman claims it's like breathing. A natural process that is so gentle our loud minds tend to over throw it. Damn... so that's why I can't seem to make it click more consistently. I knew my brain was trouble. She takes you through a guided meditation to prime you to receive these gentle messages. In this first exercise she tries to get you to sense your Spirit or your guiding angels or your team of peeps "upstairs." The students that bravely shared their experience talk about a warm and loving feeling that made them all nice and tingly. My experience was far from it. I am not the type of person to have visions. I usually just have thoughts pop in and out of my head. However in this particular incident I did envision a profile of a dark face and then a crow flew out of view. My body reacted to the dark presence by a heaviness on my chest and my heart races. My eyes flew open and I am calmed by seeing Laura sitting beside me. Note to self... try connecting to the warm fuzzy guardian spirits so I can float with the rest of the Care Bears.
Cheryl-Lee gets you to pair up with another student that you have never met before. I find a sweet woman and we sit back to back as to not see each other. We get a couple minutes to "feel" each other out energetically and then we write down whatever comes to your mind on a piece of paper. My partner makes an attempt. It was pretty feeble but I politely smile because I think it encourages her. I feel totally silly writing this stuff down but I do it anyways. I write: blue car, lots of love and caring, and boy. It turns out her first car was a big blue station wagon and she loved it so much it had a name. She is a nurse and although she has two daughters who she totally adores she desperately wants a baby boy to complete her family. I tell her if she tries for a third that will be her little Prince. She stares at me. I stare at my piece of paper. Wow... WTF just happened here? Electricity starts shooting through me. She asks for my email address so I can do readings on her. I tell her, "Ummmm... maybe not yet."
In the second exercise we pair up with another random person. I pick another woman and in this exercise we hold hands and with our eyes closed we energetically grope each other. We are suppose to say whatever pops into your head. Again my partner throws things out and none of it makes sense to me or they seem really generic. When it was my turn to ramble I had thoughts of a white picket fence, an open space that seemed like a farm, a huge tree, a fluffy white cat, India, elephants, she was surrounded by a whole bunch of different colored skinned children and there was a female that sucked the life out of her. My eyes pop open and the lady had a giant smile on her face. She gets really excited and tells me that a couple years ago she was studying in Europe and stayed on this farm that had a white picket fence. On sunny days she would sit under this giant apple tree for shade and practiced her yoga. She nostalgically confesses that it was her happy place. I learn that she is a teacher at an international private school in Victoria. She had a white fluffy cat that she loved and adored but it died. Her room mate and her are currently fighting. She was also trying to decide between going to India or Asia for her next trip. I tell her she should see India... whatever she is looking for she'll find it there. She gives me a huge hug and squeals, "Wow you're really good at this!" I am beyond spooked so I excuse myself to go pee.
My friend Laura goes through the same realization that she really does have a gift. She freaks out her partner in one exercise by telling him that she sees a young woman with long blonde hair hugging him from behind. It turns out that she accurately described his girlfriend who passed away from cancer last year. She would often embrace him from behind. Ya... I know... that story sent goosebumps up and down and all around my body too.
So I have intuition. I wear it awkwardly on my belt and I sometimes take a leap of faith which often saves myself and others from further distress. My thoughts are fragmented but when it's "go time" they are freakily accurate. I am an energy whore so I can sense when you're in trouble and need a friend. I have a big mouth that is connected to my cruise control so when I deliver (insert something you really don't want to hear) it's because a higher upper wants you to have the message. It's my wha-WHAAA power.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Amanda Todd
So last night I watched a You Tube video of probably one of the saddest, painful, and heart breaking videos ever. A young, 15 year old girl shared her tormented story about bullying on pieces of paper and made headlines because a couple days ago she committed suicide. Her beautiful face hangs within the shadows and without speaking, she bares her soul about the darkness of modern society. It was nine minutes long. For an hour after that I just stared at my dark computer screen while deep heaves of crying overwhelmed my body.
Amanda Todd could have been any one's little girl. Being a parent everything pertaining to innocent children stabs deeper now. Since I was blessed with the title of being a mom, my ONLY goal in this life is to protect my children. It's that simple. When I read about other children being neglected, abused and unloved I am extremely angry and then saddened that as a society we can't seem to evolve above our dark selves. Compassion, empathy, forgiveness, and love seem to be just words within a forgotten text rather than exercised liberally within our lives.
Life is not complicated. The only thing everyone wants to be is acknowledged that they make a difference in this world and are cherished for being exactly the way they are. I don't care what postulated hard ass you created on the outside to survive this world, on the inside you just want to be LOVED and APPRECIATED because you DO make a difference. We are all pieces of the same puzzle so therefore we all capable of the same light.
Tai started kindergarten this year. I am nervous... I'm not going to lie. He is beautifully not like me. He is extremely sensitive which will be his character's double edge sword. I am trying to teach him to wield his strength to share his kindness and compassion regardless of what difficult situation comes forth. Teaching him to understand his boundaries to protect his own light is going to be a challenge. Those who's gift to humanity is caring for people always seem to forget to take care of them self too. I feel as a parent you really need to watch this precious stage of development because their sense of self is so fragile. Parenting is not easy. Thank goodness we are social creatures so other role models such as aunts, uncles, grandparents, teachers and finally as a last case ditch, our government are all here to support each other. I am blessed because my family support network is unreal. Yes we fight and disagree and even throw in the odd threats, but when push comes to shove my family always has my back.
Honestly though, I have no faith in our public education system. Our government does not put a priority in their children so they set up our teachers to fail. The children that don't fit within the average model as prescribed by our archaic curriculum slip through the cracks and perpetuate a story involving hurting themselves or others. This is a fundamental flaw in our capitalistic society. We focus too much on the love of power and not the power of love. I can't change the world but I can make a difference in my children's. When stories like Amanda Todd's pierces our collective hearts I can't help but wonder if I should be investigating in alternative education options. Home schooling looks pretty decent lately.
Although her life ended too soon, her final act appeared to have awakened those that have been sleeping too long. YOU make a difference in people's lives. YOU have the power to create a positive or negative effect on other people. By doing NOTHING you are stagnant and contributing to the negative effect. Be the change you want to see in this world.
Dance in the light Amanda because now you unconditionally know you were never alone and always loved.
Amanda Todd could have been any one's little girl. Being a parent everything pertaining to innocent children stabs deeper now. Since I was blessed with the title of being a mom, my ONLY goal in this life is to protect my children. It's that simple. When I read about other children being neglected, abused and unloved I am extremely angry and then saddened that as a society we can't seem to evolve above our dark selves. Compassion, empathy, forgiveness, and love seem to be just words within a forgotten text rather than exercised liberally within our lives.
Life is not complicated. The only thing everyone wants to be is acknowledged that they make a difference in this world and are cherished for being exactly the way they are. I don't care what postulated hard ass you created on the outside to survive this world, on the inside you just want to be LOVED and APPRECIATED because you DO make a difference. We are all pieces of the same puzzle so therefore we all capable of the same light.
Tai started kindergarten this year. I am nervous... I'm not going to lie. He is beautifully not like me. He is extremely sensitive which will be his character's double edge sword. I am trying to teach him to wield his strength to share his kindness and compassion regardless of what difficult situation comes forth. Teaching him to understand his boundaries to protect his own light is going to be a challenge. Those who's gift to humanity is caring for people always seem to forget to take care of them self too. I feel as a parent you really need to watch this precious stage of development because their sense of self is so fragile. Parenting is not easy. Thank goodness we are social creatures so other role models such as aunts, uncles, grandparents, teachers and finally as a last case ditch, our government are all here to support each other. I am blessed because my family support network is unreal. Yes we fight and disagree and even throw in the odd threats, but when push comes to shove my family always has my back.
Honestly though, I have no faith in our public education system. Our government does not put a priority in their children so they set up our teachers to fail. The children that don't fit within the average model as prescribed by our archaic curriculum slip through the cracks and perpetuate a story involving hurting themselves or others. This is a fundamental flaw in our capitalistic society. We focus too much on the love of power and not the power of love. I can't change the world but I can make a difference in my children's. When stories like Amanda Todd's pierces our collective hearts I can't help but wonder if I should be investigating in alternative education options. Home schooling looks pretty decent lately.
Although her life ended too soon, her final act appeared to have awakened those that have been sleeping too long. YOU make a difference in people's lives. YOU have the power to create a positive or negative effect on other people. By doing NOTHING you are stagnant and contributing to the negative effect. Be the change you want to see in this world.
Dance in the light Amanda because now you unconditionally know you were never alone and always loved.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Attachments
Dear Ego,
It has just occurred to me that the majority of my suffering has been a result of your limiting views on my infinite possibilities. You are like that nasty plaque that builds up over time and then one day you suddenly wake up and your mouth is burning a tormenting fire. Over time you have manipulatively rotted away at the tooth so the only resolution of being freed from the pain is to yank out the damn thing and be okay with your dentist presenting you with a thousand dollar bill. Here's your official eviction notice - Get the eff out.
With Much Love and Light, The Heart
I have been reading a lot. Sometimes it's fun and brainless like Facebook news feeds. Most times I'm studying esoteric dialogues. You know, the kind that uses phrases like: The Ego mind wants what it wants when it wants it and Applying action to attaining gives energy to the belief in lack - this always decreases the likelihood of experiencing what you desire. I know, why the hell do people write shit like this if their goal is to reach the masses? I like to think I am an educated person and most of the time the words from these Ascended Masters or spiritual teachers are totally lost on me. I would read what appears to be a simple phrase a couple of times and depending if the stars are in perfect alignment with the phi ratio of my 3rd toe multiplied with the Pleidians Thoth of my bra size back in junior high I may be able to comprehend that the Flower Of Life is actually a drawing that freakily resembles that Spirograph one I made in Kindergarten (Yes I am dating myself and yes, I am a child of the 80's). There should be a warning label on Spiritual reading material: Choking hazard. Use only for decorative purposes. Recommended age: 5th dimension ascended souls and higher.
Have you ever played with a Rubix cube? If you are a child of the "Entitlement Generation" it's the 80's version of the iPhone. Every cool kid had one. I was a cool kid, but poor; so although my parents couldn't afford to buy me one, I was clever enough to trick... er... I mean suggest to another kid to lend me his indefinitely for safe keeping. Anyways, my current situation feels like that damn Rubix cube. All my color blocks are all jumbled and as much as I strategize, plan, re-analyze, de-construct, re-construct, contemplate and ponder, nothing is aligning. When I was younger I got extremely frustrated from "playing" with that damn block from rainbow hell. I spent weeks spewing forth verbal diarrhea, offering up death threats and finally in a single moment of insanity I actually took my bike and ran it over with the same zest as a bat out of hell. My mad bike riding skills obliterated the once perfect square form into its teeny little pieces. I cackled maniacally at my destructive triumph but in that pivotal moment of negative release the dark clouds parted and clarity dawned. What appeared to be a mangled pile of rainbow poo was actually a perfect opportunity. I quickly scrambled off my chariot... umm... I mean bike with training wheels, and re-assembled it into a perfect Rubix cube! Now granted, this probably is not how it was intended to be resolved but it worked for me. Later on it donned on me that I could just peel all the effin stickers off which was a less messy option than beating it down with my bike.
My lesson learned at the age of five was that if I just let things go, for example like smashing my Rubix cube into little pieces, I was no longer in agony. Once I let go of my quest to prove that I was smart enough to solve a difficult problem, my pain dissipated like a Tums tablet into water. Poof... I was instantly transported back to Contentment Land. The spiritual teachers would define this concept as attachment. To ease one's suffering you need to let go of your attachments. So I am aiming a nuclear war head at the following Rubix Cubes:
1) My massive Ego.
2) My douche bag Ego.
3) My cancer Ego.
Wish me luck. If you know me, you should also lovingly recognize that my Ego supersedes my even louder Asian voice. On most days, my Ego needs a tarmac the size of those giant, Titanic, double decker Boeing planes to land. When I was younger I had the emotional resiliency to ride the highs of "I'm-super-duper-freakin'-fantastic" to the dips of "Gawd-please-stab-me-in-the-eye-with-burning-sticks" of life. I suspect I am getting old because I just want to find the Lazy Boy chair and sit in the ohm of Contentment. Drama no longer excites me because the reality is, after birthing two giant babies laughing too hard means I have to change my underwear. Hell... sneezing causes biological leakages that are no longer contained to the nasal cavities. Its definitely a daunting task and not one for the weak hearted... or sober for that matter.
Namaste and all that crap.
It has just occurred to me that the majority of my suffering has been a result of your limiting views on my infinite possibilities. You are like that nasty plaque that builds up over time and then one day you suddenly wake up and your mouth is burning a tormenting fire. Over time you have manipulatively rotted away at the tooth so the only resolution of being freed from the pain is to yank out the damn thing and be okay with your dentist presenting you with a thousand dollar bill. Here's your official eviction notice - Get the eff out.
With Much Love and Light, The Heart
I have been reading a lot. Sometimes it's fun and brainless like Facebook news feeds. Most times I'm studying esoteric dialogues. You know, the kind that uses phrases like: The Ego mind wants what it wants when it wants it and Applying action to attaining gives energy to the belief in lack - this always decreases the likelihood of experiencing what you desire. I know, why the hell do people write shit like this if their goal is to reach the masses? I like to think I am an educated person and most of the time the words from these Ascended Masters or spiritual teachers are totally lost on me. I would read what appears to be a simple phrase a couple of times and depending if the stars are in perfect alignment with the phi ratio of my 3rd toe multiplied with the Pleidians Thoth of my bra size back in junior high I may be able to comprehend that the Flower Of Life is actually a drawing that freakily resembles that Spirograph one I made in Kindergarten (Yes I am dating myself and yes, I am a child of the 80's). There should be a warning label on Spiritual reading material: Choking hazard. Use only for decorative purposes. Recommended age: 5th dimension ascended souls and higher.
Have you ever played with a Rubix cube? If you are a child of the "Entitlement Generation" it's the 80's version of the iPhone. Every cool kid had one. I was a cool kid, but poor; so although my parents couldn't afford to buy me one, I was clever enough to trick... er... I mean suggest to another kid to lend me his indefinitely for safe keeping. Anyways, my current situation feels like that damn Rubix cube. All my color blocks are all jumbled and as much as I strategize, plan, re-analyze, de-construct, re-construct, contemplate and ponder, nothing is aligning. When I was younger I got extremely frustrated from "playing" with that damn block from rainbow hell. I spent weeks spewing forth verbal diarrhea, offering up death threats and finally in a single moment of insanity I actually took my bike and ran it over with the same zest as a bat out of hell. My mad bike riding skills obliterated the once perfect square form into its teeny little pieces. I cackled maniacally at my destructive triumph but in that pivotal moment of negative release the dark clouds parted and clarity dawned. What appeared to be a mangled pile of rainbow poo was actually a perfect opportunity. I quickly scrambled off my chariot... umm... I mean bike with training wheels, and re-assembled it into a perfect Rubix cube! Now granted, this probably is not how it was intended to be resolved but it worked for me. Later on it donned on me that I could just peel all the effin stickers off which was a less messy option than beating it down with my bike.
My lesson learned at the age of five was that if I just let things go, for example like smashing my Rubix cube into little pieces, I was no longer in agony. Once I let go of my quest to prove that I was smart enough to solve a difficult problem, my pain dissipated like a Tums tablet into water. Poof... I was instantly transported back to Contentment Land. The spiritual teachers would define this concept as attachment. To ease one's suffering you need to let go of your attachments. So I am aiming a nuclear war head at the following Rubix Cubes:
1) My massive Ego.
2) My douche bag Ego.
3) My cancer Ego.
Wish me luck. If you know me, you should also lovingly recognize that my Ego supersedes my even louder Asian voice. On most days, my Ego needs a tarmac the size of those giant, Titanic, double decker Boeing planes to land. When I was younger I had the emotional resiliency to ride the highs of "I'm-super-duper-freakin'-fantastic" to the dips of "Gawd-please-stab-me-in-the-eye-with-burning-sticks" of life. I suspect I am getting old because I just want to find the Lazy Boy chair and sit in the ohm of Contentment. Drama no longer excites me because the reality is, after birthing two giant babies laughing too hard means I have to change my underwear. Hell... sneezing causes biological leakages that are no longer contained to the nasal cavities. Its definitely a daunting task and not one for the weak hearted... or sober for that matter.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Medically Insignificant and Inconclusive
Yesterday I had a wee bit of what I have affectionately been calling a "heart palpitation" episode. This hasn't occurred for a couple months now but it still derails me a bit because I essentially work by myself so if something major was to occurr I'm not exactly confident that I can take care of myself.
My barrage of medical experts have put me through the gammut of cardiovascular testing because the symptoms of my "heart attack" day gave enough alarms that they had to investigate all possibilities just in case. I have been through stress tests, Holter moniter tests, ultrasounds, EKG tests, chest scans, and a whack load of blood/urine tests. Everything has so far come back as "medically insignificant" or "medically inconclusive." Both my heart doctor and family doctor have collaborated and want me to do one more test so they can close my case and sleep better at night knowing they have completed their due diligence.
In the assessment process the cardiologist asks about my stress levels prior to the first event. I comment that it is high but not normally higher then my usual pace. I have a high pain threshold for stimulation. He then proceeds and asks about my occupation, my marriage, raising a young family, my mental state, my financial situation, my sex life and if I had taken up any new hobbies like recreational drugs. Oh... right... now that you mentioned it I did develop a really fierce crack habit. Thank goodness we're having this conversation because it would have never dawned on me that my cocaine addiction would make your heart beat slightly louder and out of rhythm. He was being so aggressive in his questioning that it felt like I was being interrogated for being a spy because I just kept saying "Nope" or "That's the same." I got so frustrated with his subtle undertone that I was lying about my current situation that I finally just blurted out, "I am feeling anxious because I think the world is off its axis. Something huge is going to happen to humanity but so many people are retarded that they aren't even aware that its happening." You should have seen his face. It looked like someone slapped the guy with last week's dirty underwear. My doctor paused, leaned back into his chair and took a deep breath. I think I just upgraded my boring status from "medically insignificant" to an exciting "mentally unstable." He analyzes my body language and then asks if I was being serious or funny. I tell him I am seriously funny. He then employs a textbook concept and applies reverse psychology, "So why do you think you are experiencing this?" I hold his intense gaze and say, "Maybe my body is preparing for the acceptance of a higher frequency of energy. Or maybe my third eye has just been activated. Or maybe my DNA is restructuring for the ascenscion to the 5th dimension." My doctor bursts out laughing and says, "Okay Huong I get it. You don't want to talk to me about this anymore." He tells me he always likes my humorous perception on life and then writes up a requisition to have the final test, which is the angiogram, scheduled.
I have been quite the trooper and followed all their directions and scheduling as request but have been putting off the angiogram test for about 3 months now. I am not really confident that having dye injected in me will prove that my bizarre palpitations will show a medically signifcant illness. Actually the last two weeks I have been feeling extremely fatigued, lack of motivation to work, feeling antsy and just out of sorts and my normally sharp brain is all cloudy. I am not sure if it's a vacation hangover or if I am picking up the vibrations of the Earth again. I know I have that ability to pick up energies so it's not too far fetch to say I am picking up a Global frequency. Hmmmmm... anyone else out there feeling a shift?
My barrage of medical experts have put me through the gammut of cardiovascular testing because the symptoms of my "heart attack" day gave enough alarms that they had to investigate all possibilities just in case. I have been through stress tests, Holter moniter tests, ultrasounds, EKG tests, chest scans, and a whack load of blood/urine tests. Everything has so far come back as "medically insignificant" or "medically inconclusive." Both my heart doctor and family doctor have collaborated and want me to do one more test so they can close my case and sleep better at night knowing they have completed their due diligence.
In the assessment process the cardiologist asks about my stress levels prior to the first event. I comment that it is high but not normally higher then my usual pace. I have a high pain threshold for stimulation. He then proceeds and asks about my occupation, my marriage, raising a young family, my mental state, my financial situation, my sex life and if I had taken up any new hobbies like recreational drugs. Oh... right... now that you mentioned it I did develop a really fierce crack habit. Thank goodness we're having this conversation because it would have never dawned on me that my cocaine addiction would make your heart beat slightly louder and out of rhythm. He was being so aggressive in his questioning that it felt like I was being interrogated for being a spy because I just kept saying "Nope" or "That's the same." I got so frustrated with his subtle undertone that I was lying about my current situation that I finally just blurted out, "I am feeling anxious because I think the world is off its axis. Something huge is going to happen to humanity but so many people are retarded that they aren't even aware that its happening." You should have seen his face. It looked like someone slapped the guy with last week's dirty underwear. My doctor paused, leaned back into his chair and took a deep breath. I think I just upgraded my boring status from "medically insignificant" to an exciting "mentally unstable." He analyzes my body language and then asks if I was being serious or funny. I tell him I am seriously funny. He then employs a textbook concept and applies reverse psychology, "So why do you think you are experiencing this?" I hold his intense gaze and say, "Maybe my body is preparing for the acceptance of a higher frequency of energy. Or maybe my third eye has just been activated. Or maybe my DNA is restructuring for the ascenscion to the 5th dimension." My doctor bursts out laughing and says, "Okay Huong I get it. You don't want to talk to me about this anymore." He tells me he always likes my humorous perception on life and then writes up a requisition to have the final test, which is the angiogram, scheduled.
I have been quite the trooper and followed all their directions and scheduling as request but have been putting off the angiogram test for about 3 months now. I am not really confident that having dye injected in me will prove that my bizarre palpitations will show a medically signifcant illness. Actually the last two weeks I have been feeling extremely fatigued, lack of motivation to work, feeling antsy and just out of sorts and my normally sharp brain is all cloudy. I am not sure if it's a vacation hangover or if I am picking up the vibrations of the Earth again. I know I have that ability to pick up energies so it's not too far fetch to say I am picking up a Global frequency. Hmmmmm... anyone else out there feeling a shift?
Friday, September 7, 2012
Next Chapter: The Sarcastic Spiritualist
Hi my name is Huong. I have a PhD in sarcasm and I am in the process of completing a Masters in Spiritualism... WTF? Yes, it will happen and I will be the first to wield both skills confidently.
One of my special girlfriends have left this third dimension we call life and happily returned home. My dear Audrey passed away last month after kicking the shit out of cancer for the last four years. In the end she left a blazing trail of gratitude and rewired the smarter people in her life to seize everyday and live it to it's fullest. I was inspired. Unsure exactly what that meant I started by purging things that no longer brought me any happiness. The first thing I did was eradicated all the emotional vampires in my life. Some I publicly pronounced as "death" and kicked them to the curb kicking and screaming. Others I have quietly stopped engaging in our one way relationship (AKA "their way"). For the select few I have mourned our past but came to the understanding that I have out grew them and need to move on. Professionally I flipped the the toxic corporate cesspool the middle finger and took the risk of financially leveraging my house to live my dream of owning my own business. Everyday I diligently took out the shit piling up in the House Of Huong. I confronted some buried skeletons when clearing out the closets and faced the demons lurking in the basement. This has been a five year process and it just occurred to me this year that the hoarder in the House Of Huong has effectively booked it out of the residence and I am left with a relatively clean... but empty space. I felt awkward and no longer recognized myself. I am sure this is what Michael Jackson felt like each time he had surgery.
So... I ponder. As an interior designer I am highly skilled at filling space with materialistic shit and arranging it in a visually appealing form. But then I remember that I did that once and I earned the dreaded "Hoarder" label. So I ponder some more. In the emptiness of my clean space I discovered something that seemed to have been forgotten. I am certain I must have carried it with me when I insanely agreed to incarnate into this life time but I consumed so much superficial shit over the last few years it literally got lost in the gong show of conditioning. It is vibrating with something that cannot be defined within the clumsiness of this world. In fact, if I had prematurely opened it prior to it's Harvest date I am positive I would have been a ward of the Mental Breakdown Institution instead of a highly intuitive mother having a major life crisis. So I do what I do best. I study it carefully...
Unbeknownst to Trevor Gollagher, I have adopted him as a mentor on my quest for something bigger than myself. My sensei Laura introduced me to his books a year ago but the content was beyond my ability to comprehend at the time. The material was about as interesting as reading a furnace manual. I remember reading the first chapter and yawning my face off every third syllable. I politely thanked Laura for the introduction but secretly wondered when she boarded the crazy train. I was bored on Facebook last week and then Trevor popped up on the Chat function. Curiously drawn that night, I started chatting away and before I knew it I was having an actual phone conversation with a strange man all the way in Australia. I bartered my parent's Pacific caught salmon and a promise to show the food connoisseur the best all you can eat sushi next time he was teaching in Vancouver. In exchange, he offered to help me get "unhooked" from the energy leaks in my chakras and gave me a wealth of information. This ukulele strumming Aussie has dedicated the last forty years of his life to... pondering. Luckily for us, he's on a mission to share his teachings so has written 17 books in between plucking some strings and paying his taxes. In our rebuttal he calls me a "Cosmic Kid" to which I retorted, "Buddy, I bet we're the same Soul Age! The only difference is I happen to have the bad case of Spirit amnesia."
I spent the last few months practicing meditating. To an over active mind like mine, it's like telling an elephant to gracefully dance like a ballerina. Uggg... what an ugly and unpretty scene. All that end ups happening is I sit quietly. It creepily feels like that time in Kindergarten when I logged some time in the Naughty corner for making fun of the dumb kid that colored his man's face purple. On my good days I have great conversations with myself and even laugh at my witticisms. On the rough days I fall asleep in total boredom. I even downloaded videos from You Tube and read Laura's notes but my brain just keeps digesting something or another.
I have also been reading a lot of metaphysical/spiritual books. Some concepts I connect with, some I scratch my head, others I put aside just in case. One of the concepts says one needs to stop judging people and gossiping to stop the cycle of creating negative energy into the world. Although I understand this concept it makes me really sad because I confess, I enjoy doing it way too much. It's like a national sport in my world. I guess I have a couple more bags of trash yet to be taken to the curb. The hardest one will hefting out the Ego Behemoth that takes up an entire floor of my house. I am sure when that happens it will dawn on me that this House sucks ass and I need to take up residence in one filled with Light... but not without packing a smallish suitcase of Sarcasm.
I know this can co-exist because two weeks ago I almost got in a one person car accident. I was mindlessly driving the same route to work when suddenly a black furry thing jumped in front of my car. I slammed on the brakes and my heart lurched right into the windshield. My dilated eyes adjusted and staring right at me was this rabbit. It blinked innocently and then merrily continued on its way to the other side of the highway. Once it crossed safely, it dramatically turned and our eyes met in a deadlock. Prior to her passing, Audrey always thought her rabbit friends brought her good luck which lifted her spirits. Well on this particular day there was not a car in sight which was odd for Steveston Highway. In the 30 seconds it took to process that I wasn't dead nor hurt and this rabbit was clearly suicidal it dawned on me that Audrey was here in her signature way to let me know she's watching over as promised. "Damn you Audrey! Why can't you be like the other Spirits and send me a non-car accident sign like double rainbows? Why you gotta be a jack-ass?" I angrily waved my fist at the rabbit staring at me on the sidewalk as I drove by. Even though I was loudly cussing, deep down I was smiling.
.
One of my special girlfriends have left this third dimension we call life and happily returned home. My dear Audrey passed away last month after kicking the shit out of cancer for the last four years. In the end she left a blazing trail of gratitude and rewired the smarter people in her life to seize everyday and live it to it's fullest. I was inspired. Unsure exactly what that meant I started by purging things that no longer brought me any happiness. The first thing I did was eradicated all the emotional vampires in my life. Some I publicly pronounced as "death" and kicked them to the curb kicking and screaming. Others I have quietly stopped engaging in our one way relationship (AKA "their way"). For the select few I have mourned our past but came to the understanding that I have out grew them and need to move on. Professionally I flipped the the toxic corporate cesspool the middle finger and took the risk of financially leveraging my house to live my dream of owning my own business. Everyday I diligently took out the shit piling up in the House Of Huong. I confronted some buried skeletons when clearing out the closets and faced the demons lurking in the basement. This has been a five year process and it just occurred to me this year that the hoarder in the House Of Huong has effectively booked it out of the residence and I am left with a relatively clean... but empty space. I felt awkward and no longer recognized myself. I am sure this is what Michael Jackson felt like each time he had surgery.
So... I ponder. As an interior designer I am highly skilled at filling space with materialistic shit and arranging it in a visually appealing form. But then I remember that I did that once and I earned the dreaded "Hoarder" label. So I ponder some more. In the emptiness of my clean space I discovered something that seemed to have been forgotten. I am certain I must have carried it with me when I insanely agreed to incarnate into this life time but I consumed so much superficial shit over the last few years it literally got lost in the gong show of conditioning. It is vibrating with something that cannot be defined within the clumsiness of this world. In fact, if I had prematurely opened it prior to it's Harvest date I am positive I would have been a ward of the Mental Breakdown Institution instead of a highly intuitive mother having a major life crisis. So I do what I do best. I study it carefully...
Unbeknownst to Trevor Gollagher, I have adopted him as a mentor on my quest for something bigger than myself. My sensei Laura introduced me to his books a year ago but the content was beyond my ability to comprehend at the time. The material was about as interesting as reading a furnace manual. I remember reading the first chapter and yawning my face off every third syllable. I politely thanked Laura for the introduction but secretly wondered when she boarded the crazy train. I was bored on Facebook last week and then Trevor popped up on the Chat function. Curiously drawn that night, I started chatting away and before I knew it I was having an actual phone conversation with a strange man all the way in Australia. I bartered my parent's Pacific caught salmon and a promise to show the food connoisseur the best all you can eat sushi next time he was teaching in Vancouver. In exchange, he offered to help me get "unhooked" from the energy leaks in my chakras and gave me a wealth of information. This ukulele strumming Aussie has dedicated the last forty years of his life to... pondering. Luckily for us, he's on a mission to share his teachings so has written 17 books in between plucking some strings and paying his taxes. In our rebuttal he calls me a "Cosmic Kid" to which I retorted, "Buddy, I bet we're the same Soul Age! The only difference is I happen to have the bad case of Spirit amnesia."
I spent the last few months practicing meditating. To an over active mind like mine, it's like telling an elephant to gracefully dance like a ballerina. Uggg... what an ugly and unpretty scene. All that end ups happening is I sit quietly. It creepily feels like that time in Kindergarten when I logged some time in the Naughty corner for making fun of the dumb kid that colored his man's face purple. On my good days I have great conversations with myself and even laugh at my witticisms. On the rough days I fall asleep in total boredom. I even downloaded videos from You Tube and read Laura's notes but my brain just keeps digesting something or another.
I have also been reading a lot of metaphysical/spiritual books. Some concepts I connect with, some I scratch my head, others I put aside just in case. One of the concepts says one needs to stop judging people and gossiping to stop the cycle of creating negative energy into the world. Although I understand this concept it makes me really sad because I confess, I enjoy doing it way too much. It's like a national sport in my world. I guess I have a couple more bags of trash yet to be taken to the curb. The hardest one will hefting out the Ego Behemoth that takes up an entire floor of my house. I am sure when that happens it will dawn on me that this House sucks ass and I need to take up residence in one filled with Light... but not without packing a smallish suitcase of Sarcasm.
I know this can co-exist because two weeks ago I almost got in a one person car accident. I was mindlessly driving the same route to work when suddenly a black furry thing jumped in front of my car. I slammed on the brakes and my heart lurched right into the windshield. My dilated eyes adjusted and staring right at me was this rabbit. It blinked innocently and then merrily continued on its way to the other side of the highway. Once it crossed safely, it dramatically turned and our eyes met in a deadlock. Prior to her passing, Audrey always thought her rabbit friends brought her good luck which lifted her spirits. Well on this particular day there was not a car in sight which was odd for Steveston Highway. In the 30 seconds it took to process that I wasn't dead nor hurt and this rabbit was clearly suicidal it dawned on me that Audrey was here in her signature way to let me know she's watching over as promised. "Damn you Audrey! Why can't you be like the other Spirits and send me a non-car accident sign like double rainbows? Why you gotta be a jack-ass?" I angrily waved my fist at the rabbit staring at me on the sidewalk as I drove by. Even though I was loudly cussing, deep down I was smiling.
.
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