A funny thing happens when you are gifted with the responsibility of parenting. All those years that invested acquiring knwoledge to prep for "life" and BOOM... your little wee one comes along to prove that you actually know NOTHING. Not only do you know NOTHING, you also realize you actually don't control ANYTHING. When Tai was born, I blogged during my mat leave on the dismal dismantling of all my intellectual property. You can relive my very high and very low moments here: http://crung.livejournal.com/. My year long experimentation on Tai proved inconclusively that parenting the human variety measuring under 4 feet was not my finest moment and truly everything I learned was useless. The square root of pie or finding the missing variable in a static bell curve was not saving my ass here. Chris metamorphosed during this new phase of ours and I fell in love with him again as he took the bull by the proverbial horns and steered us into a new direction. It was like a "Breaking Bad" moment for Chris and I. Like Walter White, Chris busted all bad ass out of his normal shell of fear and I took on Jesse Pinkman's character as the sidekick that wanted to smoke crack all the time to numb the pain. It's dysfunctional at it's finest but hey, it works for us.
When Kaiya was born she removed the delusion that I was in control of any situation. If I wanted her to go in a certain direction not only would she go the exact opposite path but along the way, burn 1,000 bridges, fight a couple dragons, cut her own hair, trip over her own feet and oh ya... for hilarious measure draw a very large inappropriate phallic shape in a "sacred" book of preaching oneness with the all mighty.
When I flipped the page to this little treasure left behind by my in-house Wrecking Ball, I stared in horror. Symbolically, it was like someone flipped the bird to God! I gasped, waited to see if the Almighty unleashed a lighting bolt to smite our house and then the urge to erupt in glorious laughter took over. The irony of everything was just too poetic. I struggled with this book because yes it was terribly boring and also it's one of those books filled with rhetoric circular arguments that the "spiritualists" uses to, I swear, confuse us already confused normal folk. I label this type of vernacular application the "Yoda effect." Stringing words together in a non-linear fashion that when read left to right leaves you wondering what the eff did you just read. Here's an example from Burt Harding's book:
Being is nothingness known also as spirit and it appears as everything. Being is the absolute appearing as the relative. Being is the emptiness we misinterpret which in truth is fullness. Being is the uncaused and timeless essence yet appearing as the caused and humans. Being is the Oneness appearing as separation.
I'm brutally paraphrasing, but my take away from the first couple of chapters is that Burt's shitty life fell apart so he sat under a tree and most likely smoked a joint (I'm interpreting here). In his moment of "awakening," (I believe the pot heads term this a "high") he determined that his life was so effed and not worth fixing so he should just surrender. In that moment of true helplessness, he realized that he doesn't have to answer to any one's expectations anymore because he officially waved the white flag. At that exact moment of total despair, he realized that he freed himself from all the conditions and expectations of society. He no longer cares if his neighbors judged him on leaving the front grass unmowed. That jackass of a boss that lives to make his life hell can go off himself. His mom that constantly nags him to set goals... doesn't matter! In this small moment, Burt has found his peace and with it a new love for the freedom dispensed from marijuana therapy. That day, Burt became alive and stopped existing and started living. I believe the famous author Eckort Tolle sat under the same tree that Burt did and discovered the secret is in the Moment. Perhaps the actual secret was that these two men are both from Vancouver and they had access to our famous BC Bud. Or perhaps it was the exact same magical tree. Damn, every tree I sat under I discovered that I would rather sit on a feather wrapped, hand tied 9 pocket coil, beautiful wing back chair in a damask pattern because it's way more comfortable.
This is some serious stuff. Simple words carrying big repercussions usually translates into a really big pair of shoes one needs to walk in to feel "fulfilled" in this version. One of the reasons these shoes are are giant is the stereotype that you always have to be positive and love everyone and everything that happens to you because otherwise you're not spiritual, you're just... human. Shit, I'm pretty sure we signed up for Earth Experiment so we can be human because we were bored of being spiritual. Back at Home, there is no duality. Everyday is just a perfect day of perfect clouds and perfect curls. Sounds perfectly humdrum. Here on Earth, we have the gift of emotions so we can choose drama if we so please. When all the negative experiences feels too burdened, you just need to know that you can just shift your perspective and experience something else if you would like. The experience will happen to you whether you enjoy it or not but whether you continue to suffer is of your own preference. Do you have to go through every experience graciously and with love? Or can an awakened person still yell at the Angels for forgetting to having your back, freak on your family for being assholes, and sleep peacefully after wishing the worst imaginable death for the scums of the Earth like pedophiles?
Intellectually, I can eventually wrap my head around it but it's still pretty heavy duty shit finding that inner peace and fulfillment that everyone is seeking. In Burt's situation he had to have everything fall apart to feel free. Then he wrote a book about nothingness and shared his teachings to people that have everything yet feel nothing. Am I the only one that sees the irony in this? It's maddening. I think I'm going to re-write the Book of Nothingness to a more user friendly version for all the people out there that are more like me... you know... people who like dropping the f-bomb like its going out of style.
My teachers will be people like:
1. Audrey, my beloved and missed friend who passed away from ovarian cancer a year ago. Today is her birthday so I had to post a blog to honor our friendship which blossomed from laughing at our own snarky remarks. Her lesson is: Life is too short, live each day passionately. Let everyone know how much you appreciate them. Laugh often.
2. The recent typhoon that devastated the Philippines. The lesson will be: The light of humanity shines brightest at the darkest moments. You can choose to suffer or you can choose to grow.
3. That asshat douche bag currently wrecking your otherwise beautiful day. Every person has both love and fear. It's part of being human so which one wins the constant fight for control? The answer is the side you decide to feed. Feed the side of love if you want to end your suffering. Let go of grudges, forgive injustices and move on. Forgiveness is choosing happiness over hurt.
4. The European culture. They don't live to work. They work to live. Don't spend your entire life consumed with working hard and regretting you forgot along the way to enjoy your efforts. Happiness is based on the small moments and relationships not how much income tax you paid. Measure your wealth in people and moments... and good wine.
5. That eccentric yogi, Joy Amaada who radiates light where ever she goes because she had the courage to live her authentic life. She dismissed society's judgements and freely discusses her passion like little green men visiting her home and how she was an Atlantean mermaid in her previous lives (Read previous blog for reference). Honor the one reason you are here. Honor yourself and walk that path unapologetically.
6. Kaiya, the karma balancing entity who I consciously brought forth from my loins when I thought I knew everything, and incorrectly assumed it would be just peachy adorable to have a mini-me version running around. Her lesson is: Don't take life so seriously. When you don't immediately get it, draw a big penis instead.
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