I have a love hate relationship with the end of the year. I love reviewing what experiences transpired during each of the 365 days of the year and hate it when I realized I missed a majority of my goals. Taking inventory of your experiences is just as painful as taking inventory at IKEA. The inventory process at IKEA goes archaically like this. A piece of paper says I have 15,367 pieces of light bulbs floating somewhere in the square footage that is equal to 20 football fields. A team of three counters plus myself must somehow magically count the same number while miraculously not add to the shrinkage of lost inventory by breaking any of the said light bulbs that had been dumped generously through 13 pallets and inevitably hidden in all the nooks and crannies of the IKEA abyss. Mix in the fact that I am the world's worst bean counter. EVER. I am so talented that I can count a pile three times and get four different numbers for it. Ironically I can balance the budget of a $15 million dollar sales forecast to an accuracy of a 3% variance rate. Clearly I was hardwired for a bigger picture.
Real life inventory parallels the same level of insanity. We are conditioned to achieve a set of benchmarks regardless if it brings you personal pleasure. If you don't meet these benchmarks than society deems you as a failure. Sometimes you meet these benchmarks and you still feel like a failure. I'm starting to think goal setting is a definitive way of setting you up to fail. It took me 35 years but this 2014, I'm letting go of this futile exercise of failing. The vicious circle of insanity is going to stop.
I watched a video recently about some high profiled channellers (http://vimeo.com/38831579). In this extraordinary video about six humans that allow their physical bodies to be essentially "possessed" by a higher source of energy a thought provoking spin on the popular law of attraction emerged. One of the channellers, Geoffrey Hoppe channels an angelic being named Tobias. At the 22:17 mark of the lengthy, in depth video Tobias passionately lectures that setting goals "is so mental... so yesterday... so 80's... It is a mental exercise of frustration set in futility because in actuality you will attract everything that you had originally set out to experience in this lifetime." This simple statement knocked me off my well conditioned pedestal that it took me a week to digest this powerful mindset.
Take this analogy. You decided that you would like a gift and with the wonderful help of society, nagging parents, Kim Kardashian and the well meaning mentors in your life, you deemed that your gift should be in a 8" x 8" box, wrapped in vegan paper that never was tested on animals and tied neatly with a recyclable, GMO-free bow. What you didn't know, is that the Universe creates the form that best assists you on your journey here so sends you not one, but like 50 packages. Most people are so focused on recognizing only that one package that they actually miss all the other 49 Universe gifts or even worse, open up that one gift to discover that it wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. These disappointments are created from expectations. Expectations are formed when you set goals. Setting goals, narrows your vision to a single target so everything else is tuned out. You miss the beautiful depth of your journey which are all the small moments and ultimately miss the many packages of happiness continually delivered to you courtesy of the Universe.
I just came back from hanging at the pub with my sister and Jenn, my husband's second lesbian work wife (long story better fitted to a different blog post). I announced to them that in 2014, I am rebelling and not setting any goals. You should have seen the reaction on their faces. It was like if I told them I was giving up meat, moving to Antarctica and selling my organs to the black market. I mean, don't get me wrong... I get it. I am a hardcore, textbook Type A personality. I enjoy ticking off to-do lists, relish in not just achieving goals but crushing them and this go to survival skill is so ingrained in everything I do that it's as natural as breathing. Hell, I am so brilliant at this task that I can give lectures on the art of setting and achieving your goals in my sleep.
Something funny happened along the way though. That art no longer brought me the same level of happiness. I started feeling frustrated, disappointed, angry and then that gamut of emotions lead me to feeling anxious, worried and then I felt alone. I started to second guess my goals, over analyze my life and question EVERYTHING. I get why the older people deemed the thirties as the grind. You get into a routine of expectations set out by society but then your Spirit gets so antsy that you're not living the TRUE story that you wrote. It's a constant battle of doing what you want versus what is expected. Instead, other factors and systems are driving your insincere story and defining your dishonest life. Beauty manufacturers and my mother bombard me and tell me I'm not beautiful unless I lose 20 pounds. Marriage counsellors and Dr. Phil tells me that unless I have sex an average of once a week I am not in a healthy and loving relationship. My accountant advises me that unless my sales goal is not growing by 15% each year I am stagnant. Lululemon preaches that unless I jump off a cliff and suspend myself in a constant state of an adrenaline rush then I'm boring. Twitter reminds me that if I'm not plugged in then I was so two seconds ago. My great grandparents warned me that if I don't save up money now for my children's education now then their future is doomed. Expedia emails me that if I don't travel the world then I live a sheltered life and might as well live under a rock. Damn... what a depressing state.
I have decided to change the game playing in this life. I am going to climb the loftiest mountain, throw a proverbial wish into the Universe and park my ass their until it boomerangs back to me. I am done with setting goals, pushing myself further by making myself faster, stronger, braver, skinnier, richer, have bigger boobs... done. I am going to accept that everything I have right now is everything I need. I am going to stop comparing my situation to other people. I am going to lower my expectations and carry the humility that I don't need to know everything. I am going to have faith that my Spirit will attract whatever I had pre-determined was needed on this journey and just roll with it. In this quiet, I am going to finally open all 50 packages gifted to me from the Universe. I am positive that it is in this gratitude that real happiness will emerge.
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Modern Parenting
Call me old fashion. Actually, scratch that. Call me old school since old fashion means my parent's generation and I want to be clear I am one generation cooler. But what the hell happened to this generation of kids and more deeply, what the hell happened to the "cool" old school parents that are raising this generation of kids?
If you follow my blog, you'll know that three things consume my time. My kids, the general population of idiots and spirituality. I obsess about the insanity of these three elements and naturally it overflows into my writing which I find therapeutic in organizing all my thoughts. Writing helps me from joining the League of Shadow Assassins and I believe, on some small level, helps those reading, from culling the human herd. Yes misery loves company and insanity is safer in numbers.
One of my quirks of being a parent is that I actually don't seek out other parents to hang out with. When Tai was born, I used to walk a lot with him outdoors and I would always run into a fleet of "yummy mummies". Dressed head to toe in Lululemon yoga gear, pushing babies in their thousand dollars strollers, these packs of women would meet on the boardwalk in Steveston and sweat off their last ten "baby pounds" in high impact cardio flair as the boot camp woman draws blood and yells for an extra minute of running on the spot. Glistening in gorgeous sweat, they would all gather afterwards at Starbucks, drinking their skinny latte and discussing the newest Pinterest recipe for gluten free, organic, vegan cookie recipes using free range eggs because it's only like, two calories. Don't get me wrong, all these mommies seem really sweet and well educated in all things mommies and I have been invited many times to join the club as they are a very inclusive group. Personally, I would rather run naked through a mile of hell fire then obsess with parenting on this level of detail. My survival skill was and has always been to avoid this group of hyper parenting. Besides, who wants to feel like you're lower than a crack whore because you are THAT parent that dishes up sugary bowls of cereal chased by full-fat cake for dinner and do it all graciously guilt free?
As I add to my family and Tai eases into the school system I am yet again assaulted with the hyper parents of the world. Luckily for us, Tai is a really easy going kid and plays well with everyone. We work really hard to instill values such as compassion and kindness which Tai practices on an hourly basis with his crazy sister. Tai is always requested for play dates and 90% of the time we make up some lame excuse to avoid the "play date." Partially because I find the structure constricting and also because I really resent the modern parenting movement of scheduling every experience for my kid. I am a nurturer but at my core, my approach to life is I nurture the child not my ideals of what I think my child should be. Yes the responsibility of a parent is you always keep your child safe first and foremost. Lessons such as swimming is a non-negotiable as it is a life skill. But is it really necessary to schedule Junior from the minute he wakes up until the minute his head hits the pillow?
So many parents are spending their entire life chauffeuring their children around from lesson, to activity, to tutors, to play dates and then back to the nanny. I understand the motive is to position your child with the best life can offer so when they become adults, they can have everything. It's only natural for a parent to give their children the very best chance at life as the instinct is ingrained to produce the best prodigal son.
This is where my old schoolness kicks in. I am from the belief system that the structure of family values such as respect, kindness, compassion, and unconditional love is absolutely a non negotiable for every child. When I was growing up my parents worked very hard and materialistically, we had the basics. They provided a roof over our head, we wore clean clothes and there was always plenty of food. Back then everything was less complicated. We played in the back alleys, or backyard, or in ditches, or in forests, or in the river and my parents trusted that we were smart enough to stay out of any real danger. I used to ride my bike with my brother and friends from one side of Richmond to the other side of Richmond when I was 12 years old. We played tag with the entire neighborhood until it was dark. I may or may not have killed some tadpoles trying to raise an army of frogs. We used to jump off swings at it's highest peak for a cheap thrill. Some of my fondest memories involved me eating fruit uninvited from a random person's yard. To my parents' dismay, Lairay always brought home countless orphaned animals to be nurtured back to health. Sometimes our friends were good for us, sometimes they were assholes and yes sometimes we had to defend ourselves from other kids that had a need to be cruel. Education was a priority but we never had any pressure to do this or do that. As kids, I took swimming lessons, my sister dabbled in gymnastics and we were all forced to take Vietnamese lessons. That's it. Now here's the kicker. How does someone like me, who had a very basic upbringing with very little parent intervention or guidance get so driven or competitive in her adult life?
One of my beloved girlfriends Sam has a very different story. She was an only child to two parents that abused alcohol. To support their addiction, her basic rights as a child was always compromised. Luckily for her she was "adopted" by angel neighbors and extended aunts and uncles that made sure she didn't go hungry, was clothed and she was always invited over for special occasions such as Christmas which eased the loneliness of an absentee family. Sam worked hard to not repeat her parent's legacy. She went to school, excelled in post secondary, worked part-time jobs to pay her bills and now she is a RCMP constable and has a family of two. Even though she didn't have my family foundation and even though she was totally neglected, she grew up by the strength of her own Spirit to become an outstanding pillar of the community. How did Sam, who practically raised herself, manage to have this outcome instead of falling into the cliche of the victim role?
I call people in the 18-30 age bracket Generation Entitlement. This generation of young adults have statistically proven that mental issues such as depression and anxiety is the number one cause of living an unhappy and unfulfilled life. For some reason, instead of being grateful for all the amazing things happening in their life, they choose to focus on everything that is not going as they originally envisioned. For some reason, this generation just expects successful things to happen to them regardless if they sowed the seeds for it or not. When their high level of expectation is not met with the reality of it, their spirit is crushed and they go spiralling down into the dark pit of despair and they just give up. The irony is the bulk of these kids are from middle class to well endowed families. Some where in the world, a young boy that is half starved, missing a limb from accidentally stepping on a mine bomb, with rags for clothes has a giant smile on his face while he is kicking a soccer ball made out of our First World garbage. Clearly, something went seriously wrong with the parenting of Generation Entitlement. Maybe it was because their parents grilled into their heads that they can do anything and be everything just because they are "special"? Maybe this nurture tactic backfired and created a generation of angry, sad, and thus stagnant communities that can't move forward. Instead of contributing to a better world, we now have unemployed whiners sitting on their ass complaining to their parents that their life sucks because they didn't become that rock star their parents said they can.
Some days I fantasize of running away from my First World problems and disappearing into a smaller remote town where the pressure to schedule 30 hours of the day is non existent. I prefer watching Kaiya and Tai discover the wonder of beach combing life to sitting in a cold arena with other parents so pissing mad that they're giving death threats to the poor coach who is volunteering his time. I enjoy indulging Kaiya in the secret world of Fairies by hunting for mushrooms in the backyard to seeing my child crack because the pressure is too great when they didn't get first place in the Pig-Latin spelling bee. The true nature of children is best to be nurtured in unstructured play. In the quiet space without parent intervention, Junior will learn their boundaries, will discover their happiness, will have the opportunity to apply your value system and will have the chance to bloom when faced with the inevitable hardships that is Life. Having you, a text away dictating to Junior that his professor is an idiot for not giving him an A on his assignment or calling Junior's boss to belittle her for not giving Junior the promotion is enabling the next wave of dysfunctional generations.
My greatest wish for humanity is we move into an era of Enlightenment. To make this happen, nurturing comes from within and by teaching our children the core of our humanity lies in compassion, kindness and respect. Instead of placing value on amassing materialistic wealth for the Self, we need to place higher value of being of service to Others which in turn will create real happiness. If we side step these core values and inject parenting based on fear then be prepared to be the proud parent of Generation Self-Destruct. All these kids who have been programmed to not think on their own won't be able to handle their adult life so would just rather end it.
You know, our children doesn't have to end up like this. Be the change you want to see in the world.
If you follow my blog, you'll know that three things consume my time. My kids, the general population of idiots and spirituality. I obsess about the insanity of these three elements and naturally it overflows into my writing which I find therapeutic in organizing all my thoughts. Writing helps me from joining the League of Shadow Assassins and I believe, on some small level, helps those reading, from culling the human herd. Yes misery loves company and insanity is safer in numbers.
One of my quirks of being a parent is that I actually don't seek out other parents to hang out with. When Tai was born, I used to walk a lot with him outdoors and I would always run into a fleet of "yummy mummies". Dressed head to toe in Lululemon yoga gear, pushing babies in their thousand dollars strollers, these packs of women would meet on the boardwalk in Steveston and sweat off their last ten "baby pounds" in high impact cardio flair as the boot camp woman draws blood and yells for an extra minute of running on the spot. Glistening in gorgeous sweat, they would all gather afterwards at Starbucks, drinking their skinny latte and discussing the newest Pinterest recipe for gluten free, organic, vegan cookie recipes using free range eggs because it's only like, two calories. Don't get me wrong, all these mommies seem really sweet and well educated in all things mommies and I have been invited many times to join the club as they are a very inclusive group. Personally, I would rather run naked through a mile of hell fire then obsess with parenting on this level of detail. My survival skill was and has always been to avoid this group of hyper parenting. Besides, who wants to feel like you're lower than a crack whore because you are THAT parent that dishes up sugary bowls of cereal chased by full-fat cake for dinner and do it all graciously guilt free?
As I add to my family and Tai eases into the school system I am yet again assaulted with the hyper parents of the world. Luckily for us, Tai is a really easy going kid and plays well with everyone. We work really hard to instill values such as compassion and kindness which Tai practices on an hourly basis with his crazy sister. Tai is always requested for play dates and 90% of the time we make up some lame excuse to avoid the "play date." Partially because I find the structure constricting and also because I really resent the modern parenting movement of scheduling every experience for my kid. I am a nurturer but at my core, my approach to life is I nurture the child not my ideals of what I think my child should be. Yes the responsibility of a parent is you always keep your child safe first and foremost. Lessons such as swimming is a non-negotiable as it is a life skill. But is it really necessary to schedule Junior from the minute he wakes up until the minute his head hits the pillow?
So many parents are spending their entire life chauffeuring their children around from lesson, to activity, to tutors, to play dates and then back to the nanny. I understand the motive is to position your child with the best life can offer so when they become adults, they can have everything. It's only natural for a parent to give their children the very best chance at life as the instinct is ingrained to produce the best prodigal son.
This is where my old schoolness kicks in. I am from the belief system that the structure of family values such as respect, kindness, compassion, and unconditional love is absolutely a non negotiable for every child. When I was growing up my parents worked very hard and materialistically, we had the basics. They provided a roof over our head, we wore clean clothes and there was always plenty of food. Back then everything was less complicated. We played in the back alleys, or backyard, or in ditches, or in forests, or in the river and my parents trusted that we were smart enough to stay out of any real danger. I used to ride my bike with my brother and friends from one side of Richmond to the other side of Richmond when I was 12 years old. We played tag with the entire neighborhood until it was dark. I may or may not have killed some tadpoles trying to raise an army of frogs. We used to jump off swings at it's highest peak for a cheap thrill. Some of my fondest memories involved me eating fruit uninvited from a random person's yard. To my parents' dismay, Lairay always brought home countless orphaned animals to be nurtured back to health. Sometimes our friends were good for us, sometimes they were assholes and yes sometimes we had to defend ourselves from other kids that had a need to be cruel. Education was a priority but we never had any pressure to do this or do that. As kids, I took swimming lessons, my sister dabbled in gymnastics and we were all forced to take Vietnamese lessons. That's it. Now here's the kicker. How does someone like me, who had a very basic upbringing with very little parent intervention or guidance get so driven or competitive in her adult life?
One of my beloved girlfriends Sam has a very different story. She was an only child to two parents that abused alcohol. To support their addiction, her basic rights as a child was always compromised. Luckily for her she was "adopted" by angel neighbors and extended aunts and uncles that made sure she didn't go hungry, was clothed and she was always invited over for special occasions such as Christmas which eased the loneliness of an absentee family. Sam worked hard to not repeat her parent's legacy. She went to school, excelled in post secondary, worked part-time jobs to pay her bills and now she is a RCMP constable and has a family of two. Even though she didn't have my family foundation and even though she was totally neglected, she grew up by the strength of her own Spirit to become an outstanding pillar of the community. How did Sam, who practically raised herself, manage to have this outcome instead of falling into the cliche of the victim role?
I call people in the 18-30 age bracket Generation Entitlement. This generation of young adults have statistically proven that mental issues such as depression and anxiety is the number one cause of living an unhappy and unfulfilled life. For some reason, instead of being grateful for all the amazing things happening in their life, they choose to focus on everything that is not going as they originally envisioned. For some reason, this generation just expects successful things to happen to them regardless if they sowed the seeds for it or not. When their high level of expectation is not met with the reality of it, their spirit is crushed and they go spiralling down into the dark pit of despair and they just give up. The irony is the bulk of these kids are from middle class to well endowed families. Some where in the world, a young boy that is half starved, missing a limb from accidentally stepping on a mine bomb, with rags for clothes has a giant smile on his face while he is kicking a soccer ball made out of our First World garbage. Clearly, something went seriously wrong with the parenting of Generation Entitlement. Maybe it was because their parents grilled into their heads that they can do anything and be everything just because they are "special"? Maybe this nurture tactic backfired and created a generation of angry, sad, and thus stagnant communities that can't move forward. Instead of contributing to a better world, we now have unemployed whiners sitting on their ass complaining to their parents that their life sucks because they didn't become that rock star their parents said they can.
Some days I fantasize of running away from my First World problems and disappearing into a smaller remote town where the pressure to schedule 30 hours of the day is non existent. I prefer watching Kaiya and Tai discover the wonder of beach combing life to sitting in a cold arena with other parents so pissing mad that they're giving death threats to the poor coach who is volunteering his time. I enjoy indulging Kaiya in the secret world of Fairies by hunting for mushrooms in the backyard to seeing my child crack because the pressure is too great when they didn't get first place in the Pig-Latin spelling bee. The true nature of children is best to be nurtured in unstructured play. In the quiet space without parent intervention, Junior will learn their boundaries, will discover their happiness, will have the opportunity to apply your value system and will have the chance to bloom when faced with the inevitable hardships that is Life. Having you, a text away dictating to Junior that his professor is an idiot for not giving him an A on his assignment or calling Junior's boss to belittle her for not giving Junior the promotion is enabling the next wave of dysfunctional generations.
My greatest wish for humanity is we move into an era of Enlightenment. To make this happen, nurturing comes from within and by teaching our children the core of our humanity lies in compassion, kindness and respect. Instead of placing value on amassing materialistic wealth for the Self, we need to place higher value of being of service to Others which in turn will create real happiness. If we side step these core values and inject parenting based on fear then be prepared to be the proud parent of Generation Self-Destruct. All these kids who have been programmed to not think on their own won't be able to handle their adult life so would just rather end it.
You know, our children doesn't have to end up like this. Be the change you want to see in the world.
Saturday, November 16, 2013
Kaiya, My Perfect Teacher
Last night I finally had some down time and since I was out of lives on Candy Crush I thought it would be good to dust off some old books and expand my mind. I picked up a book called "Hiding In Plain Sight. The Secret Of The Truth Of You" by Burt Harding. It was given to me a year ago by a client of mine who thought I would be able to peel back the pages and unveil some wisdom to my own life. Initially I was excited as it was such an unusual gift that I started reading it as soon as I got home. I barely made it through the first chapter and I fell asleep. Fast forward a year later, same couch, same scenario and same outcome. Not a chapter into it and I was bored to tears. Like a trooper I thought I would rally up my enthusiasm and push the envelope to down another chapter. This time I was truly in tears. Like, pissing myself laughing and crying because it was that funny! Some how, my very curious 3 year old daughter got a hold of the book and left her creative artistic flair which I sometimes appreciate but most times not. Her last adventures in creative expression resulted in Chris using his "big boy" voice and the free-lance artist revisiting her favorite quiet corner of the house. After hours of searching on Google forums on how to remove a black permanent marker from his precious 50" TV, Chris was able to salvage his beloved shrine with a Magic Eraser and Miss Kaiya was granted another day to live.
A funny thing happens when you are gifted with the responsibility of parenting. All those years that invested acquiring knwoledge to prep for "life" and BOOM... your little wee one comes along to prove that you actually know NOTHING. Not only do you know NOTHING, you also realize you actually don't control ANYTHING. When Tai was born, I blogged during my mat leave on the dismal dismantling of all my intellectual property. You can relive my very high and very low moments here: http://crung.livejournal.com/. My year long experimentation on Tai proved inconclusively that parenting the human variety measuring under 4 feet was not my finest moment and truly everything I learned was useless. The square root of pie or finding the missing variable in a static bell curve was not saving my ass here. Chris metamorphosed during this new phase of ours and I fell in love with him again as he took the bull by the proverbial horns and steered us into a new direction. It was like a "Breaking Bad" moment for Chris and I. Like Walter White, Chris busted all bad ass out of his normal shell of fear and I took on Jesse Pinkman's character as the sidekick that wanted to smoke crack all the time to numb the pain. It's dysfunctional at it's finest but hey, it works for us.
When Kaiya was born she removed the delusion that I was in control of any situation. If I wanted her to go in a certain direction not only would she go the exact opposite path but along the way, burn 1,000 bridges, fight a couple dragons, cut her own hair, trip over her own feet and oh ya... for hilarious measure draw a very large inappropriate phallic shape in a "sacred" book of preaching oneness with the all mighty.
A funny thing happens when you are gifted with the responsibility of parenting. All those years that invested acquiring knwoledge to prep for "life" and BOOM... your little wee one comes along to prove that you actually know NOTHING. Not only do you know NOTHING, you also realize you actually don't control ANYTHING. When Tai was born, I blogged during my mat leave on the dismal dismantling of all my intellectual property. You can relive my very high and very low moments here: http://crung.livejournal.com/. My year long experimentation on Tai proved inconclusively that parenting the human variety measuring under 4 feet was not my finest moment and truly everything I learned was useless. The square root of pie or finding the missing variable in a static bell curve was not saving my ass here. Chris metamorphosed during this new phase of ours and I fell in love with him again as he took the bull by the proverbial horns and steered us into a new direction. It was like a "Breaking Bad" moment for Chris and I. Like Walter White, Chris busted all bad ass out of his normal shell of fear and I took on Jesse Pinkman's character as the sidekick that wanted to smoke crack all the time to numb the pain. It's dysfunctional at it's finest but hey, it works for us.
When Kaiya was born she removed the delusion that I was in control of any situation. If I wanted her to go in a certain direction not only would she go the exact opposite path but along the way, burn 1,000 bridges, fight a couple dragons, cut her own hair, trip over her own feet and oh ya... for hilarious measure draw a very large inappropriate phallic shape in a "sacred" book of preaching oneness with the all mighty.
When I flipped the page to this little treasure left behind by my in-house Wrecking Ball, I stared in horror. Symbolically, it was like someone flipped the bird to God! I gasped, waited to see if the Almighty unleashed a lighting bolt to smite our house and then the urge to erupt in glorious laughter took over. The irony of everything was just too poetic. I struggled with this book because yes it was terribly boring and also it's one of those books filled with rhetoric circular arguments that the "spiritualists" uses to, I swear, confuse us already confused normal folk. I label this type of vernacular application the "Yoda effect." Stringing words together in a non-linear fashion that when read left to right leaves you wondering what the eff did you just read. Here's an example from Burt Harding's book:
Being is nothingness known also as spirit and it appears as everything. Being is the absolute appearing as the relative. Being is the emptiness we misinterpret which in truth is fullness. Being is the uncaused and timeless essence yet appearing as the caused and humans. Being is the Oneness appearing as separation.
I'm brutally paraphrasing, but my take away from the first couple of chapters is that Burt's shitty life fell apart so he sat under a tree and most likely smoked a joint (I'm interpreting here). In his moment of "awakening," (I believe the pot heads term this a "high") he determined that his life was so effed and not worth fixing so he should just surrender. In that moment of true helplessness, he realized that he doesn't have to answer to any one's expectations anymore because he officially waved the white flag. At that exact moment of total despair, he realized that he freed himself from all the conditions and expectations of society. He no longer cares if his neighbors judged him on leaving the front grass unmowed. That jackass of a boss that lives to make his life hell can go off himself. His mom that constantly nags him to set goals... doesn't matter! In this small moment, Burt has found his peace and with it a new love for the freedom dispensed from marijuana therapy. That day, Burt became alive and stopped existing and started living. I believe the famous author Eckort Tolle sat under the same tree that Burt did and discovered the secret is in the Moment. Perhaps the actual secret was that these two men are both from Vancouver and they had access to our famous BC Bud. Or perhaps it was the exact same magical tree. Damn, every tree I sat under I discovered that I would rather sit on a feather wrapped, hand tied 9 pocket coil, beautiful wing back chair in a damask pattern because it's way more comfortable.
This is some serious stuff. Simple words carrying big repercussions usually translates into a really big pair of shoes one needs to walk in to feel "fulfilled" in this version. One of the reasons these shoes are are giant is the stereotype that you always have to be positive and love everyone and everything that happens to you because otherwise you're not spiritual, you're just... human. Shit, I'm pretty sure we signed up for Earth Experiment so we can be human because we were bored of being spiritual. Back at Home, there is no duality. Everyday is just a perfect day of perfect clouds and perfect curls. Sounds perfectly humdrum. Here on Earth, we have the gift of emotions so we can choose drama if we so please. When all the negative experiences feels too burdened, you just need to know that you can just shift your perspective and experience something else if you would like. The experience will happen to you whether you enjoy it or not but whether you continue to suffer is of your own preference. Do you have to go through every experience graciously and with love? Or can an awakened person still yell at the Angels for forgetting to having your back, freak on your family for being assholes, and sleep peacefully after wishing the worst imaginable death for the scums of the Earth like pedophiles?
Intellectually, I can eventually wrap my head around it but it's still pretty heavy duty shit finding that inner peace and fulfillment that everyone is seeking. In Burt's situation he had to have everything fall apart to feel free. Then he wrote a book about nothingness and shared his teachings to people that have everything yet feel nothing. Am I the only one that sees the irony in this? It's maddening. I think I'm going to re-write the Book of Nothingness to a more user friendly version for all the people out there that are more like me... you know... people who like dropping the f-bomb like its going out of style.
My teachers will be people like:
1. Audrey, my beloved and missed friend who passed away from ovarian cancer a year ago. Today is her birthday so I had to post a blog to honor our friendship which blossomed from laughing at our own snarky remarks. Her lesson is: Life is too short, live each day passionately. Let everyone know how much you appreciate them. Laugh often.
2. The recent typhoon that devastated the Philippines. The lesson will be: The light of humanity shines brightest at the darkest moments. You can choose to suffer or you can choose to grow.
3. That asshat douche bag currently wrecking your otherwise beautiful day. Every person has both love and fear. It's part of being human so which one wins the constant fight for control? The answer is the side you decide to feed. Feed the side of love if you want to end your suffering. Let go of grudges, forgive injustices and move on. Forgiveness is choosing happiness over hurt.
4. The European culture. They don't live to work. They work to live. Don't spend your entire life consumed with working hard and regretting you forgot along the way to enjoy your efforts. Happiness is based on the small moments and relationships not how much income tax you paid. Measure your wealth in people and moments... and good wine.
5. That eccentric yogi, Joy Amaada who radiates light where ever she goes because she had the courage to live her authentic life. She dismissed society's judgements and freely discusses her passion like little green men visiting her home and how she was an Atlantean mermaid in her previous lives (Read previous blog for reference). Honor the one reason you are here. Honor yourself and walk that path unapologetically.
6. Kaiya, the karma balancing entity who I consciously brought forth from my loins when I thought I knew everything, and incorrectly assumed it would be just peachy adorable to have a mini-me version running around. Her lesson is: Don't take life so seriously. When you don't immediately get it, draw a big penis instead.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Joy's Channelling
Sometimes I just drag my feet. Don't get me wrong, I love writing and exposing my opinions to everyone but I have been in a blogging funk lately. Not because I don't have anything interesting to share. On the contrary, my life has been a whirlwind this summer into early fall and shitloads of whacky things have happened but for some reason I just can't carve the time out to put my mad one finger pecking skills to a keyboard. It could be that life is actually really busy. Or perhaps my new found love for Candy Crush may consume more time than I really would care to admit and intervention is quite inevitably a sad reality. Or the fact that my plump ass fits so nicely in the nook of my sofa and my cold feet warms up so conveniently against Chris and yes as a matter of fact I really do need to watch like... ummm... twenty episodes of Sons Of Anarchy in a row chased with three seasons of Breaking Bad. Or maybe because I'm not sure if my online ramblings actually reaches anyone. Secretly my ego is hoping at the very minimum that somewhere out there, someone in their pyjamas and fuzzy bunny slippers is at least meeking out a pathetic LOL in the dark. Anywho, rain and storm warnings have been issued this weekend and I have run out of excuses to procrastinate... heck, even my toilets are cleaned.
I was just recently in Kelowna for a week taking one for the team. My brother in law, Jeff was competing in two triathalons in Europe and my inlaws wanted to be there to cheer him on. The problem was the two little guys (I use that term loosely because they are actually almost 6 feet tall teens) needed to stay home for school and the rest of their sports commitments. So here I was, exposed to teen hormones and even worst, teen mentality and tasked with driving them everywhere while my husband holds down the fort at home with Tai, Kaiya and his usual barrage of germy daycare kids. Meanwhile, my inlaws are living the life, reviewing the fine wines and taking in the rich culture. Whenever my blood pressure rose, like when the two teens argue about the art of discreetly masterbating, I comment out loud why I decided to take one for the team. I could have been in the comfort of my own home, yelling at my own kids to keep their hands to themselves. Instead, I'm yelling at the older teen to stop yelling at the tweenie because apparently the volume level that the tweenie explores his body is too loud hence interrupting the beauty sleep of the older teen. Clearly the walls are too thin and the spacious 3,000 square feet is not enough to contain the raging hormonal explosion.
My inlaws had me on a tight schedule. Every 3 hours I was on the road, sitting in traffic and feeling my voluptuous ass grow even more robust. Everytime I was on the road, my mind wanders and the need to change how people live their unwaken lives grows stronger. Clearly there is more to life then flipping the middle finger to idiot Kelowna drivers who don't understand that a STOP sign does not mean, "When I Feel Like It." Three days of driving and after logging almost 400 kilometers, it occurred to me that a customer of mine has her yoga retreat just outside of Kelowna.
Joy Amaada has been a very supportive customer of ours since the doors opened in 2008. I loved her when I first met her. In fact, everyone in our store loved her when they first met her. She is a petite woman that just exuded sunshine. Without an exchange of words, you just knew she was an amazing person. Of course the strong natural attraction led to conversations and I learned that she was a yoga instructor based in Steveston and was in the midst of opening a yoga retreat in Kelowna. She needed furniture and accessories for the new endeavour so we saw her often in the store. During my lunch break from chauffeuring, I looked her up on my handy new iPhone. According to her website she was only 45 minutes away from my inlaws and she offered a ray of services. What captured my attention was that she was an intuitive as well as a yoga instructor! She was well versed in spiritual teachings, offered alternative healing modalities such as reikki and she was also a channeler. Wow, who knew all these years that Little Miss Sunshine was also a medium for other entities! I felt like I just hit the jackpot. In this field, I am very cautious of who I receive my experiences from. I'm hyper critical of the information available and deep down, I have a fear that a dark force could manipulate me. To avoid that possibility I only expose myself to new experiences only if I felt safe. I knew without a doubt that Joy would keep me safe.
I excitedly made the call. Her warm and friendly voice immediately lifted my weary spirits and even though she had a packed schedule, she was able to squeeze me in to tour her home and conduct a channeling. I was on cloud nine and all the crap that happened this week just dispersed. The interior designer side of me was thrilled to finally see the finished product. The spiritual seeking junkie side was grasping for more. When I drove up the gravel country road and took my first look at the acreage a huge breath escaped from deep within. Even with my vast vocabulary, all I can say about this piece of land is that it was magical. Situated on Highway 33, just 20 minutes outside Kelowna past Black Mountain this idyllic country home exudes Mother Nature at her best. I was greeted by two gentle giants at the gate. Jackson and Joe are two pure white Burmese dogs that stand almost four feet tall. They approached the gate like noble creatures and gracefully escorted my car to the driveway. It was weird, I have owned dogs for a good chunk of my life but these dogs I swear had the energy of a unicorn. There was no fear, anxiousness or ounce of agitation from these massive dogs. I was 15 minutes early so when I rang the doorbell I was greeted by Joy who just stepped out of the shower so her hair was all crazed like a mad woman.
She warmly welcomed me in and we immediately started the tour of her sprawling, unbelievably cute, 6 bedroom home. I immediately recognized all the purchases she made from the store and it felt like I was visiting old friends again as she bought some of my favorite sweet country pieces. We started sharing our stories of who we are and where we have come from. Her journey, like many, started as a need to know more. Although she had a blessed life of three children and a husband she was seeking more from life. A deeper yearning to have more depth to the often shallow human experience. Surely life can't be a cycle of bill payments and schedules? She took the brave step and started attending different courses and although it made her heart sing with each piece of knowledge acquired, she never felt safe to share this with her husband. I felt a pang of sadness for her. The road of seeking more than yourself is already fraught with mine pits of uncertainly that I can't even imagine how that is like to do it secretively and all alone.
Unlike Joy, I announced to pretty much every poor sucker that gave me their two seconds of attention that I was going to find out MORE... not sure what that exactly was but there just had to be... MORE. My best friends, family and most importantly Chris knew everything I was doing and although they don't necessarily always understand it, they are here for me when they can. Luckily for me, my close circle of supporters are predisposition as abnormal anyways. My Vietnamese background means when I explain to my parents that Kaiya could possibly be conversing with spirits, they non-chalantly advise me to keep Penny nearby because dogs are repellents for the angrier spirit variety. My native girlfriends don't blink an eye when I tell them I'm burning sage to cleanse a dark space because I think another friend of mine brought over her demon "friend". Or when I explain to Laura that I can see my environment sometimes when my eyes are closed. She smiles, nods in agreement and tells me she sometimes talks to dead people in her car when she's driving. I know people that do extraordinary things and in my world it's totally ordinary.
That being said, Miss Joy Amaada is on a whole different level of ordinary. For two hours she shared stories of Atlantis, explained that on her property there were two energy vortexes that attract a lot of UFO activities so sightings of friendly green little men were as normal as seeing chickadees and helped me fill in the blanks of some of my questions. Finally, we both gasped at the clock and realized that although we could talk for another eon we really needed to get started on this channelling business.
Joy excitedly leads me to the yoga room which even in it's spaciousness is still comfortable and calming. Anchored in one corner is a 6' carving of a spiritual Tibetan deity from what looks acacia or teak wood. The feminine sculpture casts a formidable force and I can see that if I was high on something (for the record I wasn't) her presence could be misconstrued as overwhelming. I look out on the neat rows of yoga mats and let out a deep sigh. Did I just agree to witness basically a spiritual possession exercise? Visions of the possessed girl on the classic horror movie the Exorcism stabbing herself in the vajajay with a crucifix vividly occupies my imagination. Right on cue, Joy senses my last minute panic and lets me know that she is a very "clean" channeller and nothing inappropriate will happen. Joy calmly explains that she is guided by a council of 12 higher beings (or angels whatever you are comfortable with) and amongst this council are also the arch angels. She never knows who actually pops in and sometimes multiple Spirits "pops" in. Her spirit is out of her body and observing yet always cognisant of the events unfolding. After she cleanses the space to ensure that only spirits of light (aka no demons) can enter her body, I can start asking any question I would like or most often, information will just flow out. My eyes dilate and I can feel my pulse quicken. Often when I expose myself to a new experience I quietly ask for my own body of protection just in case something doesn't go as planned. I push the proverbial red button which means all hands on deck with my own upstairs team.
We sit quietly for about four minutes as Joy cleanses the space. She has arranged herself cross legged on the floor in the classic yoga pose and looks like a peaceful angel with her eyes closed and a small smile on her face. I rudely stare at her in disbelief. While she's cleansing, I'm scanning the space and noticed her paint color had a funny orange undertone. I glance back to Joy to check cleansing progress and instead of probably closing my own eyes, I keep them fixated on her expecting her to levitate or something. I fiddle nervously with my iPhone to ensure the voice recorder is actually working. Then my mind does what it does best.. it wanders. I imagine the whole space rumbling when the big guns arrive on site. I muse at the thought of maybe a chipmunk voice coming out of Joy once she starts.
Joy starts and I'm jolted out of my own mind musings. Her voice has deepened and is really, eerily loud in comparison to her usual soft voice. In addition to the voice change, I suddenly noticed that the energy has shifted. It's like nothing I have ever felt before. You know that sensation when you're at the top of the roller coaster and you are just about to drop? The excitement, the palpable nervousness, the high adrenaline, that intoxication feeling? Ya that one... think of that millisecond of raw emotions and keep that suspended for the rest of the hour and that's the energy level I was marinated in.
Her eyes fly open and still in her crossed legged form, she starts rocking her body back and forth in a bizarre yet almost cathartic rhythm. Damn, I knew I should have video taped this session instead of just voice recording it. Then it happened. For the next hour just pure information from almost every facet of my life is poured out like the flood gates. Unlike a natural conversation, Joy just continuously outputs information without stopping and it flowed freely without her barely catching her human breath. I was so shocked... and awed... and enchanted by the whole experience that I actually forgot to ask any questions. Me, the woman on the hunt for all these bazillions of answers whirling in my giant head and all I asked were a couple of lame questions. It's like meeting God finally and you're so dumbfounded and star struck that the only thing you ask was: Ummm... dude, what's your favorite color?
Joy mentions that my soul's overlay, the predominant hard wiring of your purpose, is a duel role of teacher and healer. In my previous lives I had to defend my role so occasionally I did don on an extra layer of fierce warrior and in positions of leaderships to achieve my message. I am here on this lifetime, like millions of other people, to hold the space until Earth ascends to the 5th dimension which is what Atlantis was at. My creative gift of "animated" communication is my signature for teaching and there was an emphasized message to keep writing. She mentions that if I pursue opening a school, it would be very successful and I would be given very specific directions from her council through the channelling on how to achieve this. She tells me the crow sightings are a sign that my upstairs team is always around me because in my previous lives I felt foresakened and abandoned. I am drawn to the ocean for its healing properties and love the mountains for its wisdom. In my previous lives I lived as a mermaid and have been strongly connected to dolphins ands whales for this reason. I have also lived many lives as an Atlantean. This would explain my peculiar obsession with the red headed Ariel, magic, whales and Atlantis. Tai is an analyzer of information so when he grows up a role like a scientist or engineer will hold his interest. Contrary to popular belief (ie. mine) Kaiya is not here to test my parenting abilities. She is a change agent and will lead a community or organization to force systems that are no longer working to cease operations. I feel bad for the future assholes that are in her war path.
Consciously she educates that all passed karmic debt is released and if you're carrying past debts from previous lives you know longer need to keep this burden. This will be a time of many changes as Mother Earth will do microcosms of purging negative energy throughout Earth to restore the positive flow. The really dark energy beings roaming the Earth has officially been ask to leave thus creating less fear and more love. Everyone is now lighter and in motion to freely move forward and create your true future.
It has been a month since Joy's channeling and even as I write this post I'm still in shock. I'm still digesting all the information put forward and would love to return very soon to explore the energy vortexes that she describes exists on her property. If you're interested in Joy's work, or just interested in restoring some peace in your life, check out her website and let her know I sent you:
http://www.thejoyoflivingcentre.ca/
I was just recently in Kelowna for a week taking one for the team. My brother in law, Jeff was competing in two triathalons in Europe and my inlaws wanted to be there to cheer him on. The problem was the two little guys (I use that term loosely because they are actually almost 6 feet tall teens) needed to stay home for school and the rest of their sports commitments. So here I was, exposed to teen hormones and even worst, teen mentality and tasked with driving them everywhere while my husband holds down the fort at home with Tai, Kaiya and his usual barrage of germy daycare kids. Meanwhile, my inlaws are living the life, reviewing the fine wines and taking in the rich culture. Whenever my blood pressure rose, like when the two teens argue about the art of discreetly masterbating, I comment out loud why I decided to take one for the team. I could have been in the comfort of my own home, yelling at my own kids to keep their hands to themselves. Instead, I'm yelling at the older teen to stop yelling at the tweenie because apparently the volume level that the tweenie explores his body is too loud hence interrupting the beauty sleep of the older teen. Clearly the walls are too thin and the spacious 3,000 square feet is not enough to contain the raging hormonal explosion.
My inlaws had me on a tight schedule. Every 3 hours I was on the road, sitting in traffic and feeling my voluptuous ass grow even more robust. Everytime I was on the road, my mind wanders and the need to change how people live their unwaken lives grows stronger. Clearly there is more to life then flipping the middle finger to idiot Kelowna drivers who don't understand that a STOP sign does not mean, "When I Feel Like It." Three days of driving and after logging almost 400 kilometers, it occurred to me that a customer of mine has her yoga retreat just outside of Kelowna.
Joy Amaada has been a very supportive customer of ours since the doors opened in 2008. I loved her when I first met her. In fact, everyone in our store loved her when they first met her. She is a petite woman that just exuded sunshine. Without an exchange of words, you just knew she was an amazing person. Of course the strong natural attraction led to conversations and I learned that she was a yoga instructor based in Steveston and was in the midst of opening a yoga retreat in Kelowna. She needed furniture and accessories for the new endeavour so we saw her often in the store. During my lunch break from chauffeuring, I looked her up on my handy new iPhone. According to her website she was only 45 minutes away from my inlaws and she offered a ray of services. What captured my attention was that she was an intuitive as well as a yoga instructor! She was well versed in spiritual teachings, offered alternative healing modalities such as reikki and she was also a channeler. Wow, who knew all these years that Little Miss Sunshine was also a medium for other entities! I felt like I just hit the jackpot. In this field, I am very cautious of who I receive my experiences from. I'm hyper critical of the information available and deep down, I have a fear that a dark force could manipulate me. To avoid that possibility I only expose myself to new experiences only if I felt safe. I knew without a doubt that Joy would keep me safe.
I excitedly made the call. Her warm and friendly voice immediately lifted my weary spirits and even though she had a packed schedule, she was able to squeeze me in to tour her home and conduct a channeling. I was on cloud nine and all the crap that happened this week just dispersed. The interior designer side of me was thrilled to finally see the finished product. The spiritual seeking junkie side was grasping for more. When I drove up the gravel country road and took my first look at the acreage a huge breath escaped from deep within. Even with my vast vocabulary, all I can say about this piece of land is that it was magical. Situated on Highway 33, just 20 minutes outside Kelowna past Black Mountain this idyllic country home exudes Mother Nature at her best. I was greeted by two gentle giants at the gate. Jackson and Joe are two pure white Burmese dogs that stand almost four feet tall. They approached the gate like noble creatures and gracefully escorted my car to the driveway. It was weird, I have owned dogs for a good chunk of my life but these dogs I swear had the energy of a unicorn. There was no fear, anxiousness or ounce of agitation from these massive dogs. I was 15 minutes early so when I rang the doorbell I was greeted by Joy who just stepped out of the shower so her hair was all crazed like a mad woman.
She warmly welcomed me in and we immediately started the tour of her sprawling, unbelievably cute, 6 bedroom home. I immediately recognized all the purchases she made from the store and it felt like I was visiting old friends again as she bought some of my favorite sweet country pieces. We started sharing our stories of who we are and where we have come from. Her journey, like many, started as a need to know more. Although she had a blessed life of three children and a husband she was seeking more from life. A deeper yearning to have more depth to the often shallow human experience. Surely life can't be a cycle of bill payments and schedules? She took the brave step and started attending different courses and although it made her heart sing with each piece of knowledge acquired, she never felt safe to share this with her husband. I felt a pang of sadness for her. The road of seeking more than yourself is already fraught with mine pits of uncertainly that I can't even imagine how that is like to do it secretively and all alone.
Unlike Joy, I announced to pretty much every poor sucker that gave me their two seconds of attention that I was going to find out MORE... not sure what that exactly was but there just had to be... MORE. My best friends, family and most importantly Chris knew everything I was doing and although they don't necessarily always understand it, they are here for me when they can. Luckily for me, my close circle of supporters are predisposition as abnormal anyways. My Vietnamese background means when I explain to my parents that Kaiya could possibly be conversing with spirits, they non-chalantly advise me to keep Penny nearby because dogs are repellents for the angrier spirit variety. My native girlfriends don't blink an eye when I tell them I'm burning sage to cleanse a dark space because I think another friend of mine brought over her demon "friend". Or when I explain to Laura that I can see my environment sometimes when my eyes are closed. She smiles, nods in agreement and tells me she sometimes talks to dead people in her car when she's driving. I know people that do extraordinary things and in my world it's totally ordinary.
That being said, Miss Joy Amaada is on a whole different level of ordinary. For two hours she shared stories of Atlantis, explained that on her property there were two energy vortexes that attract a lot of UFO activities so sightings of friendly green little men were as normal as seeing chickadees and helped me fill in the blanks of some of my questions. Finally, we both gasped at the clock and realized that although we could talk for another eon we really needed to get started on this channelling business.
Joy excitedly leads me to the yoga room which even in it's spaciousness is still comfortable and calming. Anchored in one corner is a 6' carving of a spiritual Tibetan deity from what looks acacia or teak wood. The feminine sculpture casts a formidable force and I can see that if I was high on something (for the record I wasn't) her presence could be misconstrued as overwhelming. I look out on the neat rows of yoga mats and let out a deep sigh. Did I just agree to witness basically a spiritual possession exercise? Visions of the possessed girl on the classic horror movie the Exorcism stabbing herself in the vajajay with a crucifix vividly occupies my imagination. Right on cue, Joy senses my last minute panic and lets me know that she is a very "clean" channeller and nothing inappropriate will happen. Joy calmly explains that she is guided by a council of 12 higher beings (or angels whatever you are comfortable with) and amongst this council are also the arch angels. She never knows who actually pops in and sometimes multiple Spirits "pops" in. Her spirit is out of her body and observing yet always cognisant of the events unfolding. After she cleanses the space to ensure that only spirits of light (aka no demons) can enter her body, I can start asking any question I would like or most often, information will just flow out. My eyes dilate and I can feel my pulse quicken. Often when I expose myself to a new experience I quietly ask for my own body of protection just in case something doesn't go as planned. I push the proverbial red button which means all hands on deck with my own upstairs team.
We sit quietly for about four minutes as Joy cleanses the space. She has arranged herself cross legged on the floor in the classic yoga pose and looks like a peaceful angel with her eyes closed and a small smile on her face. I rudely stare at her in disbelief. While she's cleansing, I'm scanning the space and noticed her paint color had a funny orange undertone. I glance back to Joy to check cleansing progress and instead of probably closing my own eyes, I keep them fixated on her expecting her to levitate or something. I fiddle nervously with my iPhone to ensure the voice recorder is actually working. Then my mind does what it does best.. it wanders. I imagine the whole space rumbling when the big guns arrive on site. I muse at the thought of maybe a chipmunk voice coming out of Joy once she starts.
Joy starts and I'm jolted out of my own mind musings. Her voice has deepened and is really, eerily loud in comparison to her usual soft voice. In addition to the voice change, I suddenly noticed that the energy has shifted. It's like nothing I have ever felt before. You know that sensation when you're at the top of the roller coaster and you are just about to drop? The excitement, the palpable nervousness, the high adrenaline, that intoxication feeling? Ya that one... think of that millisecond of raw emotions and keep that suspended for the rest of the hour and that's the energy level I was marinated in.
Her eyes fly open and still in her crossed legged form, she starts rocking her body back and forth in a bizarre yet almost cathartic rhythm. Damn, I knew I should have video taped this session instead of just voice recording it. Then it happened. For the next hour just pure information from almost every facet of my life is poured out like the flood gates. Unlike a natural conversation, Joy just continuously outputs information without stopping and it flowed freely without her barely catching her human breath. I was so shocked... and awed... and enchanted by the whole experience that I actually forgot to ask any questions. Me, the woman on the hunt for all these bazillions of answers whirling in my giant head and all I asked were a couple of lame questions. It's like meeting God finally and you're so dumbfounded and star struck that the only thing you ask was: Ummm... dude, what's your favorite color?
Joy mentions that my soul's overlay, the predominant hard wiring of your purpose, is a duel role of teacher and healer. In my previous lives I had to defend my role so occasionally I did don on an extra layer of fierce warrior and in positions of leaderships to achieve my message. I am here on this lifetime, like millions of other people, to hold the space until Earth ascends to the 5th dimension which is what Atlantis was at. My creative gift of "animated" communication is my signature for teaching and there was an emphasized message to keep writing. She mentions that if I pursue opening a school, it would be very successful and I would be given very specific directions from her council through the channelling on how to achieve this. She tells me the crow sightings are a sign that my upstairs team is always around me because in my previous lives I felt foresakened and abandoned. I am drawn to the ocean for its healing properties and love the mountains for its wisdom. In my previous lives I lived as a mermaid and have been strongly connected to dolphins ands whales for this reason. I have also lived many lives as an Atlantean. This would explain my peculiar obsession with the red headed Ariel, magic, whales and Atlantis. Tai is an analyzer of information so when he grows up a role like a scientist or engineer will hold his interest. Contrary to popular belief (ie. mine) Kaiya is not here to test my parenting abilities. She is a change agent and will lead a community or organization to force systems that are no longer working to cease operations. I feel bad for the future assholes that are in her war path.
Consciously she educates that all passed karmic debt is released and if you're carrying past debts from previous lives you know longer need to keep this burden. This will be a time of many changes as Mother Earth will do microcosms of purging negative energy throughout Earth to restore the positive flow. The really dark energy beings roaming the Earth has officially been ask to leave thus creating less fear and more love. Everyone is now lighter and in motion to freely move forward and create your true future.
It has been a month since Joy's channeling and even as I write this post I'm still in shock. I'm still digesting all the information put forward and would love to return very soon to explore the energy vortexes that she describes exists on her property. If you're interested in Joy's work, or just interested in restoring some peace in your life, check out her website and let her know I sent you:
http://www.thejoyoflivingcentre.ca/
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Cracking The Crow Code
(Ahem... clears throat)... I seem to have a wee bit of a problem. I don't want to ruin the surprise twist in the plot line like in Sixth Sense where the kid blurts out, "I see dead people" but... well damn it... I might as well just drop the bomb. I see CROWS. Stop laughing, it's a serious problem. I see crows and one too many close encounters to dismiss it as just a bird hanging out on Earth. In the spiritual world I am sure this is equivalent to a rodent problem.
It started in March. I was trying to figure out if I should sign a lease on a location that was a block north of my current location because the asking rents were ridiculously cheap. When things seem too good to be true I resort to being overly cautious because I always wonder what the catch is. I plunk myself back into the driver seat of the car and quietly ask my upstairs team to send a sign I can't ignore. Right on cue a giant, robust crow comes flying down, perches it's big bird butt on the post right in front of my car and CAWS at me for a good 30 seconds while making eye contact. I almost shit my pants. I haphazardly take a shoddy picture and sent it to Rachael with a text message explaining my WTF crisis. Even though she's back at the store I can hear her eye roll and I get a text back with a cheeky, "Ya so what, it's a crow and hail mother Mary, it caws." Clearly Miss Rachael was less than thrilled with my mundane encounter.
Two weeks later I was presenting to my design client when a black crow comes smashing into the front of my store which is covered in glass windows. The noise on impact was so loud that at first I thought some idiot kid threw a rock at my window. After the initial shock, my client and I finally realized that it was a crow and when we approached the front we noticed that it was lying on it's back. Clearly the impact snapped the poor guys neck. Nope, as soon as I was two feet away, the chap rolled over, hopped back on to it's two clawed feet, toddles purposely to the front door and again, lets out this screeching CAAWWWW while maintaining an unbroken stare. After 30 seconds of this possessed state, the crow flew away like nothing had ever happened. My client started shaking. I asked her if she was okay because she went pale. Apparently her husband was swarmed by a murder of ravens just minutes before he found out his daughter died in a tragic accident. Her association to the creepy crow was obviously not welcoming. I confessed to her that yes that crow did seem bent out of hell to deliver some kind of message but I don't think it was for her. I explain to her I have a feeling the crow is trying to tell me something but being the lowly human, I don't speak crow. She calls her husband and abruptly leaves the store still in a state of shock.
A couple weeks after that I took Tai to the Vancouver Aquarium for a field trip. We were hanging out at the beluga whale and marvelling at the beauty of the poor majestic creatures trapped in a fish bowl. Tai and I were up against the tank trying to get a better view when all of a sudden a really fat crow comes swooping down and nearly shaved Tai's mohawk. It was so close to our heads I can still feel its feet grazing my hair follicles. When I turned my head to follow it, it plunked itself on the boulder beside the tank and right on cue just yells at me. Again, the CAWING was aggressive and it's stare was intense. Without saying anything, Tai blurts out, "Hey that crow wants to say something."
Several weeks later I attend my girlfriend's wine party. Silvia is hosting a wine tasting party with a dozen well dressed women from her pilates group. I have not met any of the fun women but attended anyways because hey, if there is booze and someone wants to feed me I feel obligated to say yes. I get into a deep conversation with a woman who recently experienced the worst pain imaginable. She lost one of her children in a tragic motor bike accident. She was explaining to me how hard it was to wake up even though she still has a daughter and a great life. She was grasping for the meaning of the senseless lost. Right on cue, a black crow swoops down perches itself on the roof and CAWS at us. Silvia's sister turns to our direction and we exchange a "look." So for some reason this crow was brave enough to appear amongst a group of very loud and drunk women and just CAW. I should also mention that Silvia's roof line at this level was only 10 feet tall so it was a very intimate experience. Silvia also experience a terrible lost recently. Unexpectedly, her husband's brother died from a heart attack while snorkeling on vacation at the begining of this year. Ever since his death she noticed a crow showed up at her house often. The woman that lost her son also mentions that she always sees crows as well. We all laugh nervously trying to figure out who the crow was actually for.
Now those are just the "bigger" crow stories. Everyday I see crows swooping down and crossing my path as I drive, or just sitting on a lamp post or crossing the yard. In psychology there is a concept that can explain this phenomenon. The theory is that these elements have always existed in your environment but you don't realize it until you focus on it and then suddenly it appears like its everywhere. You can equate this filter to purchasing a new car. Prior to you owning that car, you never noticed how abundant that car was in your environment. But now that you have one, you seem to see it everywhere. Granted, this powerful perception filter could be in the works here but the above recent episodes are just beyond normal.
Since I am an a child of knowledge at heart, I hate mysteries... especially when it affects me so I have been consumed with trying to figure out what the message is. In each of these incidents I may have been startled but I never felt fear so I don't associate the crows with negativity. I know from Google research that depending on your cultural background, the crow carries a lot of spiritual symbolism ranging from a magical creature that can traverse the physical and spiritual planes, to a messenger of death or warning of ill fate to a powerful omen of truth. I have nagged my friend Laura to see if she can crack my crow code and all she eeks out is a, "You'll know the answer when it's right." Sometimes I wonder if she stashes a jar full of fortune cookie messages and when I ask her the really tough questions she just randomly pulls a message from it. I got antsy and messaged Trevor Gollagher who is Laura's spiritual teacher with my conundrum and he replies with a lame, "Crows often indicate mysticism." Fabulous... I have all these people with all these different abilities and what do I get... Hallmark greeting card answers.
Last year I took a course to strengthen my intuition and although I don't think it actually did that, it did affirm my strong abilities to channel into different frequencies. One of the exercises that Cheryl Lee Harnish did get us to do is to get into a meditative state to meet our "Spirit Guides." During this exercise, we had to ask to meet our guide. Unlike the other students, I immediately received a fleeting image of a black bird and then a shadowy silhouette of the side of a man's face with penetrating glowing eyes followed by a deep pain throbbing in my chest. It felt like something heavy was sitting on my chest and my breathing became laboured. I can feel my body having a panic attack and I had to forced my eyes to open. When I confirmed that I was still sitting in class, and was embraced by sunlight and the image was just something in my head I let out a huge sigh of relief. Everyone else had a warm and fuzzy, loving sensation or images when they met their Spirit Guide and I got a lovely evil half face man and a random bird... who upon reflection might be my crow.
Two weeks ago I was experiencing one of those lucid dreams. In my dream I met my crow friend and he finally spoke to me... and in English! He was giving me some specific directions for some task I needed to complete and I remember feeling so excited and happy that I was able to finally crack my crow code! When I woke up, I remembered the elated feeling but the actual specifics of the conversation was totally forgotten. Talk about a downer.
Chris jokes that the crows will finally commit me to the Looney Bin. My retort is that if I'm going to the Looney Bin then I might as well kill some of the annoying people on route and claim that as my defense. Under some very odd circumstances, I will actually be visiting my girlfriends in Prince Albert Saskatchewan on August 14. I remembered Henry the medicine man mentioning it was odd that he always saw crows following me. Henry has past on now but he did make that comment when I was 17. I have requested to attend a sweat ceremony in hopes of finding something in all this craziness. I may have to smoke some of that peace pipe of theirs. If I'm lucky it might be laced with opium.
It started in March. I was trying to figure out if I should sign a lease on a location that was a block north of my current location because the asking rents were ridiculously cheap. When things seem too good to be true I resort to being overly cautious because I always wonder what the catch is. I plunk myself back into the driver seat of the car and quietly ask my upstairs team to send a sign I can't ignore. Right on cue a giant, robust crow comes flying down, perches it's big bird butt on the post right in front of my car and CAWS at me for a good 30 seconds while making eye contact. I almost shit my pants. I haphazardly take a shoddy picture and sent it to Rachael with a text message explaining my WTF crisis. Even though she's back at the store I can hear her eye roll and I get a text back with a cheeky, "Ya so what, it's a crow and hail mother Mary, it caws." Clearly Miss Rachael was less than thrilled with my mundane encounter.
Two weeks later I was presenting to my design client when a black crow comes smashing into the front of my store which is covered in glass windows. The noise on impact was so loud that at first I thought some idiot kid threw a rock at my window. After the initial shock, my client and I finally realized that it was a crow and when we approached the front we noticed that it was lying on it's back. Clearly the impact snapped the poor guys neck. Nope, as soon as I was two feet away, the chap rolled over, hopped back on to it's two clawed feet, toddles purposely to the front door and again, lets out this screeching CAAWWWW while maintaining an unbroken stare. After 30 seconds of this possessed state, the crow flew away like nothing had ever happened. My client started shaking. I asked her if she was okay because she went pale. Apparently her husband was swarmed by a murder of ravens just minutes before he found out his daughter died in a tragic accident. Her association to the creepy crow was obviously not welcoming. I confessed to her that yes that crow did seem bent out of hell to deliver some kind of message but I don't think it was for her. I explain to her I have a feeling the crow is trying to tell me something but being the lowly human, I don't speak crow. She calls her husband and abruptly leaves the store still in a state of shock.
A couple weeks after that I took Tai to the Vancouver Aquarium for a field trip. We were hanging out at the beluga whale and marvelling at the beauty of the poor majestic creatures trapped in a fish bowl. Tai and I were up against the tank trying to get a better view when all of a sudden a really fat crow comes swooping down and nearly shaved Tai's mohawk. It was so close to our heads I can still feel its feet grazing my hair follicles. When I turned my head to follow it, it plunked itself on the boulder beside the tank and right on cue just yells at me. Again, the CAWING was aggressive and it's stare was intense. Without saying anything, Tai blurts out, "Hey that crow wants to say something."
Several weeks later I attend my girlfriend's wine party. Silvia is hosting a wine tasting party with a dozen well dressed women from her pilates group. I have not met any of the fun women but attended anyways because hey, if there is booze and someone wants to feed me I feel obligated to say yes. I get into a deep conversation with a woman who recently experienced the worst pain imaginable. She lost one of her children in a tragic motor bike accident. She was explaining to me how hard it was to wake up even though she still has a daughter and a great life. She was grasping for the meaning of the senseless lost. Right on cue, a black crow swoops down perches itself on the roof and CAWS at us. Silvia's sister turns to our direction and we exchange a "look." So for some reason this crow was brave enough to appear amongst a group of very loud and drunk women and just CAW. I should also mention that Silvia's roof line at this level was only 10 feet tall so it was a very intimate experience. Silvia also experience a terrible lost recently. Unexpectedly, her husband's brother died from a heart attack while snorkeling on vacation at the begining of this year. Ever since his death she noticed a crow showed up at her house often. The woman that lost her son also mentions that she always sees crows as well. We all laugh nervously trying to figure out who the crow was actually for.
Now those are just the "bigger" crow stories. Everyday I see crows swooping down and crossing my path as I drive, or just sitting on a lamp post or crossing the yard. In psychology there is a concept that can explain this phenomenon. The theory is that these elements have always existed in your environment but you don't realize it until you focus on it and then suddenly it appears like its everywhere. You can equate this filter to purchasing a new car. Prior to you owning that car, you never noticed how abundant that car was in your environment. But now that you have one, you seem to see it everywhere. Granted, this powerful perception filter could be in the works here but the above recent episodes are just beyond normal.
Since I am an a child of knowledge at heart, I hate mysteries... especially when it affects me so I have been consumed with trying to figure out what the message is. In each of these incidents I may have been startled but I never felt fear so I don't associate the crows with negativity. I know from Google research that depending on your cultural background, the crow carries a lot of spiritual symbolism ranging from a magical creature that can traverse the physical and spiritual planes, to a messenger of death or warning of ill fate to a powerful omen of truth. I have nagged my friend Laura to see if she can crack my crow code and all she eeks out is a, "You'll know the answer when it's right." Sometimes I wonder if she stashes a jar full of fortune cookie messages and when I ask her the really tough questions she just randomly pulls a message from it. I got antsy and messaged Trevor Gollagher who is Laura's spiritual teacher with my conundrum and he replies with a lame, "Crows often indicate mysticism." Fabulous... I have all these people with all these different abilities and what do I get... Hallmark greeting card answers.
Last year I took a course to strengthen my intuition and although I don't think it actually did that, it did affirm my strong abilities to channel into different frequencies. One of the exercises that Cheryl Lee Harnish did get us to do is to get into a meditative state to meet our "Spirit Guides." During this exercise, we had to ask to meet our guide. Unlike the other students, I immediately received a fleeting image of a black bird and then a shadowy silhouette of the side of a man's face with penetrating glowing eyes followed by a deep pain throbbing in my chest. It felt like something heavy was sitting on my chest and my breathing became laboured. I can feel my body having a panic attack and I had to forced my eyes to open. When I confirmed that I was still sitting in class, and was embraced by sunlight and the image was just something in my head I let out a huge sigh of relief. Everyone else had a warm and fuzzy, loving sensation or images when they met their Spirit Guide and I got a lovely evil half face man and a random bird... who upon reflection might be my crow.
Two weeks ago I was experiencing one of those lucid dreams. In my dream I met my crow friend and he finally spoke to me... and in English! He was giving me some specific directions for some task I needed to complete and I remember feeling so excited and happy that I was able to finally crack my crow code! When I woke up, I remembered the elated feeling but the actual specifics of the conversation was totally forgotten. Talk about a downer.
Chris jokes that the crows will finally commit me to the Looney Bin. My retort is that if I'm going to the Looney Bin then I might as well kill some of the annoying people on route and claim that as my defense. Under some very odd circumstances, I will actually be visiting my girlfriends in Prince Albert Saskatchewan on August 14. I remembered Henry the medicine man mentioning it was odd that he always saw crows following me. Henry has past on now but he did make that comment when I was 17. I have requested to attend a sweat ceremony in hopes of finding something in all this craziness. I may have to smoke some of that peace pipe of theirs. If I'm lucky it might be laced with opium.
Monday, May 27, 2013
The Real Shit
Chris and I for some reason have been watching a lot of movies or TV shows where the main question is: What if you died earlier than your expected life expectancy? Okay... I'll fess up. We actually watch one too many apocalyptic plot lines where aliens invade, or zombies munch on your brains, or that giant meteorite strikes and all humanity as you know it evaporates into cosmic air. The beauty of all these less-than-positive-agendas is that all of a sudden, the fog that so densely sits in our lives miraculously lifts and our priorities and core of our higher self just shines. Funny how impending doom can clarify your purpose on Experiment Earth but thirteen years in the public education system and five years in the post secondary education system does squat. If anything, your poor human suit comes out of the educational cleaners freshly confused. Well as I acquire each new skill set from the trial and errors of life I have stumbled to the realization that the following popular mantras in life are... well bullshit.
IF YOU WORK HARD, YOU CAN ACHIEVE ANYTHING.
Uggg... I'm really tired of hearing this one. I have been in so many situations where I have seen slackers with the right type of connections achieve more than people that "work hard." This statement is degrading to all the honest people in the world that sacrifice their happiness because of this fallacy. Yes they do achieve something but the pressure of achieving anything is just a giant fall from grace and into the pit of depression. My parents have an unrelenting work ethic and they have persevered through some really tough shit because of this. The average first world country whiner would break down three minutes in if they had to walk the path my parents did. Coming from a third world war torn country, my parents are major kick ass, gritty homies that can can draw blood from a stone and still have enough energy to brag about it. They have done some amazing things but not because they worked hard. They have done some amazing things because they focused on what they had instead of focusing on what they didn't have. To them, they loved the freedom to create their life so they were so appreciative of their blessings. They were so in awe of their life that it never actually felt like hard work. If you work your ass off, feel like you're getting no where and are miserable then I have pivotal news for you. The delusion that you will achieve your happiness will not come. Do yourself a favor, abort "Mission No Where" and adopt another strategy otherwise you will be forever resentful because of this giant lie.
LIFE IS FAIR.
Anyone that has mastered potty training can tell you that life is not fair. Life is a duality. As humans we entered this duality to experience and authenticate our knowledge. To do this we create really eff-ed up situations prior to re-incarnating and we all play pre-determined roles of good versus evil. In the bigger picture this is perfect. In the limited human brain picture this is a whole lotta S&M and messed. Before you slipped on the human suit, you wrote your perfect script and really, the only free will in play is how you perceive the unfolding of events. I would even argue one further and even say perhaps our "perception" is also pre-determined otherwise we would not have the right players in the right roles. So what does that mean? Do you just sit like a rock in the current and let the river of life take you where you are meant to be? No. What this means is that you should spend more time appreciating the present moment. Stop worrying about the future because most likely it won't be what you envisioned. Stop regretting your past because you can't do anything about it. Understand the balance of peace and violence. Know in your heart that light comes from darkness. Realize that unconditional love comes from raging hate. Roll with the flow and when life feels so hard, remember the therapeutic strength of water and just let it flow with least resistance. Don't worry, karma rebalances everything.
FINDING YOUR SOUL MATE WILL COMPLETE YOU.
Have you ever noticed that happy people are happy regardless if they have a partner or not? That's because real, sustaining love is not actually from another person. Real love comes from yourself and for yourself. This is easier to say than do. If you truly love yourself, you would never dishonor yourself by subjecting yourself to poor treatment. Think of yourself like an inner child. Would you let that beautiful, perfect inner child of yours drown in a toxic environment, or eat crap or stay in abusive relationships or think negative thoughts about herself? No! So why do so many people talk so poorly of themselves? Believe it or not, your biggest struggle in life is finding that unconditional love for yourself. See the above paragraph about taking the bad with the good and roll with it.
So the common denominator in all the apocalyptic plot lines that Chris and I watch is that if your life is very short here, ironically you actually would start living. You would screw work... and screw people (pun intended). You would let all the people in your life that meant something to you, know how much they truly meant to you. You would really appreciate the sunrise and the sunset. You would let love triumph over fear and hate because it's just not worth it. You would see that every soul is connected to you and therefore perfectly beautiful. You would see the Light right before the Dark.
IF YOU WORK HARD, YOU CAN ACHIEVE ANYTHING.
Uggg... I'm really tired of hearing this one. I have been in so many situations where I have seen slackers with the right type of connections achieve more than people that "work hard." This statement is degrading to all the honest people in the world that sacrifice their happiness because of this fallacy. Yes they do achieve something but the pressure of achieving anything is just a giant fall from grace and into the pit of depression. My parents have an unrelenting work ethic and they have persevered through some really tough shit because of this. The average first world country whiner would break down three minutes in if they had to walk the path my parents did. Coming from a third world war torn country, my parents are major kick ass, gritty homies that can can draw blood from a stone and still have enough energy to brag about it. They have done some amazing things but not because they worked hard. They have done some amazing things because they focused on what they had instead of focusing on what they didn't have. To them, they loved the freedom to create their life so they were so appreciative of their blessings. They were so in awe of their life that it never actually felt like hard work. If you work your ass off, feel like you're getting no where and are miserable then I have pivotal news for you. The delusion that you will achieve your happiness will not come. Do yourself a favor, abort "Mission No Where" and adopt another strategy otherwise you will be forever resentful because of this giant lie.
LIFE IS FAIR.
Anyone that has mastered potty training can tell you that life is not fair. Life is a duality. As humans we entered this duality to experience and authenticate our knowledge. To do this we create really eff-ed up situations prior to re-incarnating and we all play pre-determined roles of good versus evil. In the bigger picture this is perfect. In the limited human brain picture this is a whole lotta S&M and messed. Before you slipped on the human suit, you wrote your perfect script and really, the only free will in play is how you perceive the unfolding of events. I would even argue one further and even say perhaps our "perception" is also pre-determined otherwise we would not have the right players in the right roles. So what does that mean? Do you just sit like a rock in the current and let the river of life take you where you are meant to be? No. What this means is that you should spend more time appreciating the present moment. Stop worrying about the future because most likely it won't be what you envisioned. Stop regretting your past because you can't do anything about it. Understand the balance of peace and violence. Know in your heart that light comes from darkness. Realize that unconditional love comes from raging hate. Roll with the flow and when life feels so hard, remember the therapeutic strength of water and just let it flow with least resistance. Don't worry, karma rebalances everything.
FINDING YOUR SOUL MATE WILL COMPLETE YOU.
Have you ever noticed that happy people are happy regardless if they have a partner or not? That's because real, sustaining love is not actually from another person. Real love comes from yourself and for yourself. This is easier to say than do. If you truly love yourself, you would never dishonor yourself by subjecting yourself to poor treatment. Think of yourself like an inner child. Would you let that beautiful, perfect inner child of yours drown in a toxic environment, or eat crap or stay in abusive relationships or think negative thoughts about herself? No! So why do so many people talk so poorly of themselves? Believe it or not, your biggest struggle in life is finding that unconditional love for yourself. See the above paragraph about taking the bad with the good and roll with it.
So the common denominator in all the apocalyptic plot lines that Chris and I watch is that if your life is very short here, ironically you actually would start living. You would screw work... and screw people (pun intended). You would let all the people in your life that meant something to you, know how much they truly meant to you. You would really appreciate the sunrise and the sunset. You would let love triumph over fear and hate because it's just not worth it. You would see that every soul is connected to you and therefore perfectly beautiful. You would see the Light right before the Dark.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Extra (Ordinary)
I like my cosmic cheaters. Sometimes life happens and you feel so disconnected that you step outside yourself and wonder why the eff you decided it was a good idea to reincarnate. I mean my upstairs team are sitting perpetually beautiful on fluffy clouds, eating Philly cream cheese and always positively glowing because they know they won't gain a pound. Let's not forget the nice perk of manifestation where they can create things out of thin air just by thinking of it. And I'm stuck here... usually in the presence of morons and trudging through lessons after lessons with my limited human brain and my low metabolism of a human suit. On my "poor me" days I find pleasure in shaking my fist at the air, wildly waving in a grand gesture and screaming, "Okay I am done playing simple-cell human. Come beam me up Scotty." During those maniac states I find it inspirational that my upstairs team intervenes before I re-enact the definition of postal on the dumber parts of humanity.
I was feeling out of orbit with my Universal mojo so I scheduled a reading with my talented psychic Annar. If you don't know already, Annar is what I lovingly call a cosmic cheater. Cosmic cheaters access information that you have contractually agreed to forget when you decided joining the Earth Experiment appeared to be a fun proposal. She is a talented intuitive and I have seen her three times over the last decade. She is so in demand that when you call to book an appointment you have to wait three months until you can actually see her. This time, I decided to sweet talk Chris into coming with me because when it comes to all things weird, he has mainly been sitting on the sidelines of the action. If this is my partner in crime, I figured he might as well jump into the fire.
As soon as I walk through her door she starts interrogating, "Who's pregnant?" I haven't even put down my purse. I confirm her accuracy and let her know that my sister Stephanie is due in October. She looks at me all weird and asks, "Are you sure you're not?" I ignore the scary thought and move into her office where she sits us down. Chris and I fiddle with the iPad to digitally record the reading as I find it helpful to review the abundance of information thrown at us at later time when the mind is more quiet. Annar sits down and appears exasperated, "Wow, you brought a lot of people here with you." I was confused because I only brought Chris. Yes normally it's just me, but honestly bringing one other person is hardly "a lot of people." She points to the air above her, crosses her arms ands says, "No, like... there are a lot of Spirits that want to talk to you." It turns out Spirits just hang out with me.
Annar does her usual thing and starts bombarding us with information. Mid way she stops and says, "Oh Elaine is here." I glance nervously at Chris. Elaine is Chris' grandmother who passed away from cancer about 20 years ago. Chris was very close to her and since I'm married to him, she has "popped" into all my readings with Annar. I guess when the communication lines are open, the upstairs team are eager to share their information with you. Annar yells at Elaine for actually interrupting the reading but she delivers a simple message of "Hello" and that she would like us to put some color in the new Spotted Frog. Our five year anniversary of our company is this year and one of the things we were playing with was re-branding our logo to something unexpected... like using the color purple instead of the green we currently have. Our company is actually named after Grandma Elaine. My mother in law and business partner has always seen frogs as her lucky sign because when her mother (Grandma Elaine) was alive she collected frogs. How beautiful was it that Grandma Elaine approved of our color re-branding. Annar laughs and tells Chris that Grandma Elaine is hilarious which Chris already knew. When she was alive, she had a lot of fire in her belly. I can feel that Chris is getting a little choked up with his favorite Grandma's visit.
Annar then tells us another Spirit is here. She asks if I know of an Audrey and did she die of ovarian cancer. My eyes dilate, my heart beats faster and I eek out a soft "yes". Annar is struggling to deliver the message. She then tells me that Audrey is giving me a logo and it's white wings. I look at Annar in total confusion. "What do you mean she's giving me a logo?" When Audrey was alive she gave loads of things, including many unsolicited hilarious opinions but logo trading was not an activity we partook in. Annar tries to explain herself more clearly, "She's giving you a sign... ummm... it's white... wings?" My heart, which has already skipped multiple beats at hearing Audrey's name officially jumped out of my chest cavity. The night before Audrey passed away I had dreamt that I helped her put on her Angel wings. If you missed my blog post on it, here it is again for reference: http://thebookofhuong.blogspot.ca/2012/07/rip-audrey.html. I am visibly shaken and electricity just starts shooting up through my spine. Annar clarifies the sign and says, "Audrey wants you to know that when you see a white butterfly" it means it's her.
The rest of the hour flies by. Annar confirms that Kaiya sees things the human eyes don't pick up. She predicts that Kaiya will be a challenge to parent but it will be worth the grey hairs and AA meetings because she'll become a doctor. Tai will be a very popular young man and won't have any problems with the ladies. She sees that my brother in law Jeff will reach his prime as he enters the golden age of his thirties and we'll watch him on TV in the Olympics because of his mad athletic abilities. She rambles on that Lairay has found his match. She mentions that my sister will have a baby girl named Maya. The reading is filled with messages for my friends.
At the end of it all I ask her what my grand purpose of my life is. She tells me it's to live a life of love. That simple phrase resonated so deeply that it occurred to me that I already knew that... I just needed my upstairs team to remind me.
I was feeling out of orbit with my Universal mojo so I scheduled a reading with my talented psychic Annar. If you don't know already, Annar is what I lovingly call a cosmic cheater. Cosmic cheaters access information that you have contractually agreed to forget when you decided joining the Earth Experiment appeared to be a fun proposal. She is a talented intuitive and I have seen her three times over the last decade. She is so in demand that when you call to book an appointment you have to wait three months until you can actually see her. This time, I decided to sweet talk Chris into coming with me because when it comes to all things weird, he has mainly been sitting on the sidelines of the action. If this is my partner in crime, I figured he might as well jump into the fire.
As soon as I walk through her door she starts interrogating, "Who's pregnant?" I haven't even put down my purse. I confirm her accuracy and let her know that my sister Stephanie is due in October. She looks at me all weird and asks, "Are you sure you're not?" I ignore the scary thought and move into her office where she sits us down. Chris and I fiddle with the iPad to digitally record the reading as I find it helpful to review the abundance of information thrown at us at later time when the mind is more quiet. Annar sits down and appears exasperated, "Wow, you brought a lot of people here with you." I was confused because I only brought Chris. Yes normally it's just me, but honestly bringing one other person is hardly "a lot of people." She points to the air above her, crosses her arms ands says, "No, like... there are a lot of Spirits that want to talk to you." It turns out Spirits just hang out with me.
Annar does her usual thing and starts bombarding us with information. Mid way she stops and says, "Oh Elaine is here." I glance nervously at Chris. Elaine is Chris' grandmother who passed away from cancer about 20 years ago. Chris was very close to her and since I'm married to him, she has "popped" into all my readings with Annar. I guess when the communication lines are open, the upstairs team are eager to share their information with you. Annar yells at Elaine for actually interrupting the reading but she delivers a simple message of "Hello" and that she would like us to put some color in the new Spotted Frog. Our five year anniversary of our company is this year and one of the things we were playing with was re-branding our logo to something unexpected... like using the color purple instead of the green we currently have. Our company is actually named after Grandma Elaine. My mother in law and business partner has always seen frogs as her lucky sign because when her mother (Grandma Elaine) was alive she collected frogs. How beautiful was it that Grandma Elaine approved of our color re-branding. Annar laughs and tells Chris that Grandma Elaine is hilarious which Chris already knew. When she was alive, she had a lot of fire in her belly. I can feel that Chris is getting a little choked up with his favorite Grandma's visit.
Annar then tells us another Spirit is here. She asks if I know of an Audrey and did she die of ovarian cancer. My eyes dilate, my heart beats faster and I eek out a soft "yes". Annar is struggling to deliver the message. She then tells me that Audrey is giving me a logo and it's white wings. I look at Annar in total confusion. "What do you mean she's giving me a logo?" When Audrey was alive she gave loads of things, including many unsolicited hilarious opinions but logo trading was not an activity we partook in. Annar tries to explain herself more clearly, "She's giving you a sign... ummm... it's white... wings?" My heart, which has already skipped multiple beats at hearing Audrey's name officially jumped out of my chest cavity. The night before Audrey passed away I had dreamt that I helped her put on her Angel wings. If you missed my blog post on it, here it is again for reference: http://thebookofhuong.blogspot.ca/2012/07/rip-audrey.html. I am visibly shaken and electricity just starts shooting up through my spine. Annar clarifies the sign and says, "Audrey wants you to know that when you see a white butterfly" it means it's her.
The rest of the hour flies by. Annar confirms that Kaiya sees things the human eyes don't pick up. She predicts that Kaiya will be a challenge to parent but it will be worth the grey hairs and AA meetings because she'll become a doctor. Tai will be a very popular young man and won't have any problems with the ladies. She sees that my brother in law Jeff will reach his prime as he enters the golden age of his thirties and we'll watch him on TV in the Olympics because of his mad athletic abilities. She rambles on that Lairay has found his match. She mentions that my sister will have a baby girl named Maya. The reading is filled with messages for my friends.
At the end of it all I ask her what my grand purpose of my life is. She tells me it's to live a life of love. That simple phrase resonated so deeply that it occurred to me that I already knew that... I just needed my upstairs team to remind me.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Musings From A Medicated And Reluctant Patient
A funny thing happens when you're quarantined. You are stuck alone with your thoughts which can be a retreat or a personal hell depending how your brain behaves and what combination of drugs you are taking. After three weeks of trying to fight off a cold/flu I finally surrendered and reluctantly waved the white flag. I would have kept pushing through but then the virus continued to conquer, settled into my sinus cavities and has decided it would be a neato trick to ooze green, painful discharge from my right eye. You know it's bad when your unsuspected doctor, who even after years of being professionally groomed to not be offended by body parts, takes a stumble back obviously horrified by the scene and screams, "Oh dear Gawd! You eye is nasty!" He delivers a stern lecture about the importance of seeing him earlier, prescribes oral antibiotics for the lung infection, antibiotic eye drops for the facial disfigurement, instructs to bleach all my towels and linens, burn my contact lenses and just wear glasses for a week. He also emphasizes that I need to wash my hands often and to stay quarantined from people until the discharge stops. Oh great, Chris who has a bunch of toddlers is going to love hearing that he needs to house an infectious petrie dish.
My friend Laura reminds me that this is the Universe's gentle nudge that I need to slow down. Normally I would agree but with so many projects on the go, strategizing the company's next move as our lease ends this October, taking on a new line and category to launch for next month, crisis managing a vendor account going sideways and with my team on the mend from sickness and dealing with death this Captain just doesn't have time for bullshit health issues. I suppose the stress from the hell client was the final nail in the coffin thus putting my immune system on shutdown and me out of commission.
And so I am stuck... in my room... with just my Blackberry and iPad as my only form of entertainment. Oh wait... and my own thoughts (insert evil dark foreboding music). I was pondering what would have happened like 10 years ago when the Internet was just in its infancy and the power of information wasn't at your fingers tips? What did I do without waking up to a hilarious George Takei meme before? Is society actually better with it or ironically did it create more isolation as people spend less time with real people? I mean ignorance is bliss. Prior to the Internet if you had a bubble you were pretty much happy within it but now since everyone is more connected, like it or not your bubble will be permeated with global issues that can affect you. It's hard not to get depressed about corporations that are greedy and will gamble yours and Mother Earth's health in the name of profits. Or reading that yet another idiot got elected to power and people are still being persecuted for their race, gender, religion and sexual orientation. This is probably why photos dedicated to cute fuzzy kittens and puppies are well liked on Facebook.
It is said that our children are growing up into a new state of global consciousness because everything they do will leave a global footprint forever on the digital world which means your audience for judging you just got a wee bigger. This fast pace world will inevitably shape the perception of the children absorbing the information so as parents one has to wonder how much more differently you have to parent in order for them to succeed in this new world order. Tai is a bright kid. Without us spending much time schooling him, he has learned how to type in words into You Tube to watch videos so he can master certain levels of Zombies versus Aliens on the iPad. I was a bright kid too but when I was in kindergarten, I was more concerned with mastering the art of wiping my bum after doing a Number 2. Kaiya picks up language too easily. She'll turn three in July but has moments when she spews forth verbal diarrhea like a professional emo teenager. Chris was using the bathroom the other day and she decided to march in unannounced. Obviously offended by the lack of privacy, Chris yells at her to get out. Kaiya sulks back into my room and with two hands on her hips declares, "Gawd... Dad can't even take a joke!" and right on cue dramatically rolls her eyes. This kid is still wearing pull-ups.
I have two part time staff who I have hand selected for their above average intelligence, beautiful energy and immunity to my sarcastic and often unorthodox form of mentoring. Rachael is in her early twenties, with tons of sass and spunk (how I like my women) and ready to take on the new world of carving out her career in interior design. Despite her age she worries about everything. On top of all the regular things one worries about at that age, she piles on the stresses that usually dominate your mid to later years... like her retirement funds. Sheesh I don't even stress out about my non existent retirement funds and I have a good decade on her. Jenn is in her late twenties approaching that thirty mark and the stress she experiences immobilizes her from experiencing life. She is a total sweetheart and has this bad habit of projecting her positive outlook onto other people's lives but never onto herself. I wonder if the bombardment of social media and information overload causes one to not perceive opportunities but rather missed benchmarks which then transforms to anxiety and fear?
There is a remote tribe in Africa that celebrates everyday like its their last day because they live in the moment. If they have a few shillings they will spend it all that day just in case they can't enjoy it tomorrow. I'm not suggesting everyone forgo their future planning of planting seeds but what I am emphasizing is people need to turn that part of their destructive brain off and enjoy your blessings that you have today. For the children of today, the parents need to remind them to slow down and appreciate what is actually IN this world. Some days I fantasize of uprooting my family and moving to a small town or remote exotic locale in the world so my children can appreciate the beauty in Nature, family, and learn to love themselves instead of being hyper critical of what they don't have. I know I can't remove the Internet but I know I need to parent drastically differently so my kids grow up living life instead of scared of it.
The dual role of the Internet like everything in our life has two sides. One side can open your eyes to everything you ever wanted. It can be the inspiration to do more, learn more, and create more regardless of your economic situation. Somewhere in the Cyber world, no matter how lonely you are you will find a connection. The other side is like cocaine. If you don't keep your habit in check, it has the ability to delude you and pervasively create a world where the hell is actually on this world. Instead of connecting you create an island of isolation. My brother in law Steve is like Chris in that they are hardcore game addicts and spend a lot of time in their fantasy worlds. He joked, " Man the amount of time I dedicate to gaming I could have been an effin' brain surgeon by now!" We all laugh at the comment, but seriously, Steve is a brilliant man and he actually could and still can be a brain surgeon.
My friend Laura reminds me that this is the Universe's gentle nudge that I need to slow down. Normally I would agree but with so many projects on the go, strategizing the company's next move as our lease ends this October, taking on a new line and category to launch for next month, crisis managing a vendor account going sideways and with my team on the mend from sickness and dealing with death this Captain just doesn't have time for bullshit health issues. I suppose the stress from the hell client was the final nail in the coffin thus putting my immune system on shutdown and me out of commission.
And so I am stuck... in my room... with just my Blackberry and iPad as my only form of entertainment. Oh wait... and my own thoughts (insert evil dark foreboding music). I was pondering what would have happened like 10 years ago when the Internet was just in its infancy and the power of information wasn't at your fingers tips? What did I do without waking up to a hilarious George Takei meme before? Is society actually better with it or ironically did it create more isolation as people spend less time with real people? I mean ignorance is bliss. Prior to the Internet if you had a bubble you were pretty much happy within it but now since everyone is more connected, like it or not your bubble will be permeated with global issues that can affect you. It's hard not to get depressed about corporations that are greedy and will gamble yours and Mother Earth's health in the name of profits. Or reading that yet another idiot got elected to power and people are still being persecuted for their race, gender, religion and sexual orientation. This is probably why photos dedicated to cute fuzzy kittens and puppies are well liked on Facebook.
It is said that our children are growing up into a new state of global consciousness because everything they do will leave a global footprint forever on the digital world which means your audience for judging you just got a wee bigger. This fast pace world will inevitably shape the perception of the children absorbing the information so as parents one has to wonder how much more differently you have to parent in order for them to succeed in this new world order. Tai is a bright kid. Without us spending much time schooling him, he has learned how to type in words into You Tube to watch videos so he can master certain levels of Zombies versus Aliens on the iPad. I was a bright kid too but when I was in kindergarten, I was more concerned with mastering the art of wiping my bum after doing a Number 2. Kaiya picks up language too easily. She'll turn three in July but has moments when she spews forth verbal diarrhea like a professional emo teenager. Chris was using the bathroom the other day and she decided to march in unannounced. Obviously offended by the lack of privacy, Chris yells at her to get out. Kaiya sulks back into my room and with two hands on her hips declares, "Gawd... Dad can't even take a joke!" and right on cue dramatically rolls her eyes. This kid is still wearing pull-ups.
I have two part time staff who I have hand selected for their above average intelligence, beautiful energy and immunity to my sarcastic and often unorthodox form of mentoring. Rachael is in her early twenties, with tons of sass and spunk (how I like my women) and ready to take on the new world of carving out her career in interior design. Despite her age she worries about everything. On top of all the regular things one worries about at that age, she piles on the stresses that usually dominate your mid to later years... like her retirement funds. Sheesh I don't even stress out about my non existent retirement funds and I have a good decade on her. Jenn is in her late twenties approaching that thirty mark and the stress she experiences immobilizes her from experiencing life. She is a total sweetheart and has this bad habit of projecting her positive outlook onto other people's lives but never onto herself. I wonder if the bombardment of social media and information overload causes one to not perceive opportunities but rather missed benchmarks which then transforms to anxiety and fear?
There is a remote tribe in Africa that celebrates everyday like its their last day because they live in the moment. If they have a few shillings they will spend it all that day just in case they can't enjoy it tomorrow. I'm not suggesting everyone forgo their future planning of planting seeds but what I am emphasizing is people need to turn that part of their destructive brain off and enjoy your blessings that you have today. For the children of today, the parents need to remind them to slow down and appreciate what is actually IN this world. Some days I fantasize of uprooting my family and moving to a small town or remote exotic locale in the world so my children can appreciate the beauty in Nature, family, and learn to love themselves instead of being hyper critical of what they don't have. I know I can't remove the Internet but I know I need to parent drastically differently so my kids grow up living life instead of scared of it.
The dual role of the Internet like everything in our life has two sides. One side can open your eyes to everything you ever wanted. It can be the inspiration to do more, learn more, and create more regardless of your economic situation. Somewhere in the Cyber world, no matter how lonely you are you will find a connection. The other side is like cocaine. If you don't keep your habit in check, it has the ability to delude you and pervasively create a world where the hell is actually on this world. Instead of connecting you create an island of isolation. My brother in law Steve is like Chris in that they are hardcore game addicts and spend a lot of time in their fantasy worlds. He joked, " Man the amount of time I dedicate to gaming I could have been an effin' brain surgeon by now!" We all laugh at the comment, but seriously, Steve is a brilliant man and he actually could and still can be a brain surgeon.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Taking Out The Trash
I'm having a character building couple of weeks. Our family got hit with that damn cold/flu/SARS thing that was circulating and right on cue the kids incubate the new virus and infected the adults into a super-size form. It hit Kaiya first so the already predispositioned, high energy Tazmanian Devil went into overdrive and our home was instantly changed into a war zone where we lost every parenting battle with the two foot evil warlord. We were at our wits end with a toddler that was impossible to please and she rewarded any displeasure by puking on us. The virus then grabbed a hold of Tai which meant it brought out the mega wuss. This kid is so emotionally sensitive he would cry over everything. Gawd forbid if his dad ever forgot to kiss him goodnight. So between the screaming demon banshee and the emo crying man child I was ready to slit my wrists. Unfortunately for me, I didn't have time to take my own life because I got sick as well. I do believe I have not slept for a week due to the lovely fact that every time I go horizontal it amplifies the coughing situation. Let's just say my coping skills close to going postal.
Being an entrepreneur is not a task for the faint hearted. If you don't believe in yourself, aren't hardwired for overly generous bouts of positive thinking, love a sense of adventure, and seek every challenge as an opportunity to learn more about yourself then do yourself a favor and get a job with a punch clock. On most days I am on cloud nine. I am passionate about what I do and pinch myself everyday that I am living my dream. On the odd days, I question my sanity and walk a lonely road of second guessing why I wanted to walk the lonely road.
I have been a rare statistic in my industry by the fact that I still have my doors open for operations. The economy took down a lot of independent retailers who's pocket books and blood pressure levels couldn't take the risk anymore. Through an immense learning curve that organically happened, my company went from just a retailer to one that also offers full interior design services. I have amazing clients that have grown my business by referrals and years of repeat business because of it. As a seasoned professional, I have been exposed to many different situations that have created the Teflon skin I don every morning. In retail there is a myth that exists that says the customer is always right. This week, I put 19 years of retail experience on the line and confidently fired a hell client just to throw into the Universe that no, the customer is not always right. Sometimes they are just crazy.
She entered the store like most of our potential clients. The showroom captured her imagination and her heart was won by the meticulous care I pour into the visual merchandising. She inquired about out services and we present our usual shtick. I have a rule that I only take on clients that are big budget and let my juniors take on the rest. My other rule is that yes, if you want my level of experience then my time with be valued higher. If you play by my rules then I will take you on. She wanted some direction, enjoyed our friendly banter and wanted to sign me on. Through the conversation I can already tell she wasn't big budget so I politely let her know my portfolio is full but my junior interior is available to assist her. She whines that it's not the same and she insists that she wants to book me. I confidently let her know that Rachael has been brainwashed to think like me, act like and breathe like me so she will be receiving a mini me. In addition I oversee every project to ensure it meets my standards and act as a safeguard against any red flags. She insists that I work with her so I tell her my rate which she scoffs is out of her budget. I let her know perhaps the junior rate would be a better fit and there is some comment that she can't really afford that as well. I should have known right there to stop the conversation and run the other direction.
My love for making money ignored the gut reaction and we successfully book her with the talented Rachael. To make a long story short, our client turns out to be one of those, "I don't know what I want so I want you to play mastermind psychologist, enter the no fly zone and pull out the bullshit pent up in my head and put it together beautifully in 3D form." Combine this pyschosis with a, "I'm cheap and will nickel and dime you for everything" with a dash of, "I have no style but I don't really want your professional advice, I just want you be compliant and agree with my nasty vision." At one point in the conversation I actually told her point blank, "I don't do ugly design. You are forcing me to offer an opinion on the lesser of two uglies which I refuse to do." After three weeks of this stress that no one on my team wanted anymore, I finally called it quits and sent off an email that was written with incredible restraint: Out of respect for your time, I am recommending that we withdraw participation from your project. Despite our best efforts it is clear that you are unhappy and frustrated with everything that we have done. I immediately get the scathing phone call where she takes no responsibility for the dysfunctional relationship and places all the blame on my poor Rachael who's self esteem is already obliterated by our hell client. But for some random reason she still wants us to continue working with her. Here I am giving her the opportunity to refund EVERYTHING and cleanly part ways before my voodoo doll making skills come into practice and she still wants to hang out. WTF?
I checked to see if hell froze over or if pigs were flying and then scan my store to see if a hidden camera is some where. Out of interest for my company's reputation I reluctantly attempt to salvage the relationship and project and put restraints on the mad woman. Essentially she is to direct all queries towards me and leave Rachael the eff alone. Don't mess with Mama Bear's babies, biatch because I will tear you down. Two weeks later, an email inbox of crazy photos and consistent indecisiveness, it was clear it was time to take out the trash. Today I sent out yet another email in response her to idiotic request that I offer free advice on whether the products our competitor sells will work. In addition, she had the audacity to ask for a refund of two hours on our consultation fees when realistically I should have sent her a bill of 30 hours for all the work we did holding her hand, stroking her ego and re-assuring her that everything will be fine. It took EVERY cell in my body to take the high road and write the final email to end the relationship. The email was polite, three sentences long and did not include slander against her emotional instability and or death threats. This itself is a huge win for me considering I have no coping skills from all the sickness plaguing the family let alone the ability to white glove handle a hell client.
I always have used the analogy in life that if your home is full of shit because you didn't have the courage to take your trash to the curb nothing loving and positive can enter the home because there is no room! Hoarders are buried alive for a reason and you have no one to blame but yourself. I have learned that weekly upkeep in your home will prevent you from painfully hauling out that rotting dead corpse that you were pretending wasn't a big issue until you realize that even your neighbors can smell the stench. If something is not working in your life it's most likely because you did not honor yourself. You devalued your worth and yes, another person will take advantage of it. The most lovingly thing you can do in that moment is recognize that you need to let it go and release that pain, hurt, frustration, anxiety, depression and stress to make room for the positive energy that flows abundantly in this universe.
Today I wrote a refund cheque made payable to "Client From Hell" and a huge weight was immediately lifted from my shoulders. I am also comforted by the fact that she needed to buy a new cell phone because she dropped it in the ugly paint she chose against my recommendations.
Being an entrepreneur is not a task for the faint hearted. If you don't believe in yourself, aren't hardwired for overly generous bouts of positive thinking, love a sense of adventure, and seek every challenge as an opportunity to learn more about yourself then do yourself a favor and get a job with a punch clock. On most days I am on cloud nine. I am passionate about what I do and pinch myself everyday that I am living my dream. On the odd days, I question my sanity and walk a lonely road of second guessing why I wanted to walk the lonely road.
I have been a rare statistic in my industry by the fact that I still have my doors open for operations. The economy took down a lot of independent retailers who's pocket books and blood pressure levels couldn't take the risk anymore. Through an immense learning curve that organically happened, my company went from just a retailer to one that also offers full interior design services. I have amazing clients that have grown my business by referrals and years of repeat business because of it. As a seasoned professional, I have been exposed to many different situations that have created the Teflon skin I don every morning. In retail there is a myth that exists that says the customer is always right. This week, I put 19 years of retail experience on the line and confidently fired a hell client just to throw into the Universe that no, the customer is not always right. Sometimes they are just crazy.
She entered the store like most of our potential clients. The showroom captured her imagination and her heart was won by the meticulous care I pour into the visual merchandising. She inquired about out services and we present our usual shtick. I have a rule that I only take on clients that are big budget and let my juniors take on the rest. My other rule is that yes, if you want my level of experience then my time with be valued higher. If you play by my rules then I will take you on. She wanted some direction, enjoyed our friendly banter and wanted to sign me on. Through the conversation I can already tell she wasn't big budget so I politely let her know my portfolio is full but my junior interior is available to assist her. She whines that it's not the same and she insists that she wants to book me. I confidently let her know that Rachael has been brainwashed to think like me, act like and breathe like me so she will be receiving a mini me. In addition I oversee every project to ensure it meets my standards and act as a safeguard against any red flags. She insists that I work with her so I tell her my rate which she scoffs is out of her budget. I let her know perhaps the junior rate would be a better fit and there is some comment that she can't really afford that as well. I should have known right there to stop the conversation and run the other direction.
My love for making money ignored the gut reaction and we successfully book her with the talented Rachael. To make a long story short, our client turns out to be one of those, "I don't know what I want so I want you to play mastermind psychologist, enter the no fly zone and pull out the bullshit pent up in my head and put it together beautifully in 3D form." Combine this pyschosis with a, "I'm cheap and will nickel and dime you for everything" with a dash of, "I have no style but I don't really want your professional advice, I just want you be compliant and agree with my nasty vision." At one point in the conversation I actually told her point blank, "I don't do ugly design. You are forcing me to offer an opinion on the lesser of two uglies which I refuse to do." After three weeks of this stress that no one on my team wanted anymore, I finally called it quits and sent off an email that was written with incredible restraint: Out of respect for your time, I am recommending that we withdraw participation from your project. Despite our best efforts it is clear that you are unhappy and frustrated with everything that we have done. I immediately get the scathing phone call where she takes no responsibility for the dysfunctional relationship and places all the blame on my poor Rachael who's self esteem is already obliterated by our hell client. But for some random reason she still wants us to continue working with her. Here I am giving her the opportunity to refund EVERYTHING and cleanly part ways before my voodoo doll making skills come into practice and she still wants to hang out. WTF?
I checked to see if hell froze over or if pigs were flying and then scan my store to see if a hidden camera is some where. Out of interest for my company's reputation I reluctantly attempt to salvage the relationship and project and put restraints on the mad woman. Essentially she is to direct all queries towards me and leave Rachael the eff alone. Don't mess with Mama Bear's babies, biatch because I will tear you down. Two weeks later, an email inbox of crazy photos and consistent indecisiveness, it was clear it was time to take out the trash. Today I sent out yet another email in response her to idiotic request that I offer free advice on whether the products our competitor sells will work. In addition, she had the audacity to ask for a refund of two hours on our consultation fees when realistically I should have sent her a bill of 30 hours for all the work we did holding her hand, stroking her ego and re-assuring her that everything will be fine. It took EVERY cell in my body to take the high road and write the final email to end the relationship. The email was polite, three sentences long and did not include slander against her emotional instability and or death threats. This itself is a huge win for me considering I have no coping skills from all the sickness plaguing the family let alone the ability to white glove handle a hell client.
I always have used the analogy in life that if your home is full of shit because you didn't have the courage to take your trash to the curb nothing loving and positive can enter the home because there is no room! Hoarders are buried alive for a reason and you have no one to blame but yourself. I have learned that weekly upkeep in your home will prevent you from painfully hauling out that rotting dead corpse that you were pretending wasn't a big issue until you realize that even your neighbors can smell the stench. If something is not working in your life it's most likely because you did not honor yourself. You devalued your worth and yes, another person will take advantage of it. The most lovingly thing you can do in that moment is recognize that you need to let it go and release that pain, hurt, frustration, anxiety, depression and stress to make room for the positive energy that flows abundantly in this universe.
Today I wrote a refund cheque made payable to "Client From Hell" and a huge weight was immediately lifted from my shoulders. I am also comforted by the fact that she needed to buy a new cell phone because she dropped it in the ugly paint she chose against my recommendations.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Parenting Fails - Part II
To boost my GPA back in my University days, I took Linguistics which is the scientific study of language. I'm positive the Latin root of the word "parenting" derives from the same etymology as "science experiment". As a strong type A personality and convicted control freak, being a parent is equivalent to taking all my perfectly organized files of life (color coded, alphabetized and in chronological sequence with sub-folders), dumping them onto the ground into one hot mess, and then for added flare light it on fire while doing a happy dance around it wearing nothing but a loin cloth and a head dress. I am an information collector. This has been my go to skill to navigating the fifty shades of grey in life. I read, and read, and then read some more, and when I think I got everything, read material in another language. My self-directed studies in Parenting 101 has me at a Doctorate level with all the information that I acquired. Now here's the kicker... very little of that information applies to my situation or my family! In fact, it's so useless that I would say my studies in Statistics made more sense to me (which by the way I passionately failed twice and only barely passed on my third time by cheating). The other go to life skill I use is "break all the rules" once I have mastered them. Well obviously I haven't mastered parenting because my children haven't saved the world (yet), so by default due to lack of content, I have broken essentially all the rules. So, I have re-written the code of conduct on the sacred art of Parenting. Part of the sacred art of Parenting is never admitting you're bad at it. Well, I'm coming out of the closet because I want Steph to know that she has very low standards to meet which means our screwed up families should blend beautifully together when her wee ones are walking this Earth. I find that the root of heartache is having expectations so if I just blow these out of the water for her, she will continue to be her happy go lucky self, even as a mom. Here is a continuation of my Parenting fails:
12. You might as well name the second child as the "Forgotten One." Unlike Tai, Kaiya doesn't actually photographically exist. If you walked into my home, you will see beautiful pictures of Tai, adoringly captured and beautifully framed at every milestone in his life. Try finding a picture of Kaiya and you'll be looking until the cows come home. In fact, Penny our shih tzu has a photo on our bookshelf and even my best friend's kids, Jaiden and Vanessa has a space on our fridge amongst all the school newsletters and kid art. Sad, I know. It's not like I haven't taken any photos of her, I have... mind you only at about at 25% of the volume of Tai's. It's just that we haven't had time to print and frame one. The second child is like the Bermuda Triangle. You have less time, you are more confident in your ability of not killing your babies (perhaps this is a false confidence albeit it still there) so somewhere in that equation weird things happen to the second child. They tend to be crazier because you are more relaxed about things like letting them eat dirt or during your pregnancy you drank coffee and ate sushi. You learn that you don't always have to change that wet diaper right away because the advertising print on the Huggies packaging says it can stay dry up to 10 hours. I mean, the marketers always tell the truth right? You dress the second child in hand me downs and it doesn't bother you that the pants are cameo and the top is actually a dress meant for an Easter formal dinner. As long she is not indecently exposing her parts, she'll be fine. It builds character and puts hair on your chest.
13. Kaiya-The-Forgotten-One is consistently an exceptionally dirty kid. It's a good thing my own mother is not reading this because this one will bring great shame to the Asian family... like the whole nine yards of shame. Like the little red dragon explains on Disney's Mulan, "dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow"... EVERYTHING! You can have a million screwed up variables but the Asian child shall never look like a dirty white kid. When you meet Kaiya, on her good days you can tell what she ate because it's still on her clothes. She will have a boogery, crusty mustache, her hair is all wildly tangled and her hands has permanent marker on it mixed with some dirt. On her bad days, everything remains the same except she has no clothes on. This chick is a dirt magnet. Dress her like a princess and in three seconds flat she'll manage to look like an orphan. I just gave up on chasing her with Lysol wipes. With the time saved, I do mounds and mounds of laundry.
14. Our freezer is packed with frozen mini pepperoni pizzas, fries, chicken nuggets and popsicles. Dinner time is always a battle. Trying to shove nutrients down Tai's throat is like watching a monk meditate. It's heart wrenchingly painful. One night, out of sheer insanity I made him sit there until he was finished his plate. We started at 6:00P and at 10:00P I threw in the towel and sent him to bed hungry. Chris does all the cooking in our family and on most days he has to make two separate meals, one for us and one for the kids just to make sure they eat. If he doesn't, we pay the price with a night of crying, whining and Tai using his ninja skills to offload whatever he doesn't like eating either to the dog, or into garbage or the toilet when we're not looking. If Chris is not home and I'm responsible for cooking, I consider instant noodles a healthy food group because like it or not, that MSG has kept us Asians looking suspiciously younger than most of our global counterparts.
15. Birthdays are a non-event. I hate entertaining groups of people. My mother in law is fabulous at it. I suspect she has a team of magical gnomes stashed away some where because at all her family parties her house is immaculate, her food is Top Chef grade and prepared by her, the fine china is well presented, the wine is always flowing, she looks beautiful, the conversations keep mingling and everyone is having a grand old time. I just can't pull off that shit. My level of expertise is grilling hot dogs on the BBQ, you help yourself to the bin of booze or stay thirsty, there may or may not be enough toilet paper in the bathroom, instead of an ice sculpture there is a large garbage can placed strategically for all to see so you can dispose your own paper plates and if you can't find a friend amongst the crowd to strike up a conversation then go hang out all awkwardly by yourself in the corner. I'll be frantically grabbing all the half empty cans of pop and booze before Kaiya gets a hold of it. Now I understand why my parents never celebrated our birthdays as it's a load of time, boat loads of money and more stressful than preparing taxes. Yes one day this Mama will pull the immigrant card handed down from my parents and say... Nammer people don't celebrate birthdays because white people are weird.
16. I love hand-me downs. It's like my version of couponing. The funny thing is that when Tai was born, it never occurred to me that with the onset of every season, I need to buy him a brand new wardrobe because he outgrew everything so quickly. I made the rookie mistake of spending a lot of money on his clothes in the first year and then realized that the brand names are for my own ego. Now, my girlfriend Khanh gives me her kid's hand me downs and with my mother in law's shopping addiction, I don't spend that much on their wardrobe. The money I saved, I spend on things like a second iPad so they don't fight.
17. On long car rides, Kaiya may or may not be safely in her car seat. It's either that or I throw myself out the door because throwing her out the door might land me in jail.
18. Sometimes a well placed, strategically smack on the robust buttocks of Miss Kaiya-The-Forgotten/Stubborn-One will save years of her being enrolled in rehab. Yes, when she gets really out of hand and is stubborn enough to endanger her life, I will smack her and I won't care who's looking. Bring your judge on, but of all my parenting faults one thing I have a strong conviction on is that my children will not be a burden to society when they are older. Even if I have to beat them down, they will always respect others and respect themselves.
19. If potty training doesn't come naturally, I won't push the issue. I have yet to see an adult walk around in diapers (unless for medical issues) so I figured everything that parents freak out about like walking, talking, eating, peeing in the toilet and growing teeth and hair will come when it comes. Some parents wear their mad potty training skills like a war scar. I would rather spend the time blogging about my mad parenting skills.
20. I don't attend pilates or yoga or meet up with other mommy groups and spend hours infatuated with being a "Yummy Mummy". I negatively connotate this term like an expired "hipster". The "Yummy Mummy" and "Martha Stewarts" of the world spend hours on Pinterest to create that perfect costume, or stay up until 3AM baking those on trend cake pops for fundraising or volunteer 28 hours in a day to eradicate the world of harmful BPAs in plastics. I don't effortlessly waltz to school every morning with hair and make-up fully on, in heeled boots, pushing the adorable baby that is wearing a mini version of your fabulous outfit in a Bugaboo stroller with a Starbucks in hand, your latest iPhone in the other and having your school kid dressed like he's attending a private academy marching all disciplined beside your Filipino nanny. I prefer sleeping in until the last possible second, rolling to school wearing whatever was on the floor the night before and Tai may or may not be wearing jeans with holes in the knees. I usually yell at him for being so slow, he usually tells me things like how Daddy taught him how to kill zombies and we both have bags under our eyes because Kaiya kept us both up all night with her usual charming self.
Steph, I know you will be in your element because unlike me, you aren't into yourself. Your personality is preset to Parenting perfection because you find moments like playing board games fun (I get ansty because I am literally "bored"). You enjoy slowing down to point out the the little caterpillar that has blended in with the leaf and you go with the flow. Like everything that is hard in life, I know that my kids will be my proudest achievements because they continually challenge every aspect of my life. In the meantime, I'll be hiding in the bathroom reading the new bestselling book on "The Spirited Child" while Kaiya runs around all frantic and screaming, playing with razor blades and practicing her Van Gogh skills with a permanent marker on Daddy's 54" new TV.
12. You might as well name the second child as the "Forgotten One." Unlike Tai, Kaiya doesn't actually photographically exist. If you walked into my home, you will see beautiful pictures of Tai, adoringly captured and beautifully framed at every milestone in his life. Try finding a picture of Kaiya and you'll be looking until the cows come home. In fact, Penny our shih tzu has a photo on our bookshelf and even my best friend's kids, Jaiden and Vanessa has a space on our fridge amongst all the school newsletters and kid art. Sad, I know. It's not like I haven't taken any photos of her, I have... mind you only at about at 25% of the volume of Tai's. It's just that we haven't had time to print and frame one. The second child is like the Bermuda Triangle. You have less time, you are more confident in your ability of not killing your babies (perhaps this is a false confidence albeit it still there) so somewhere in that equation weird things happen to the second child. They tend to be crazier because you are more relaxed about things like letting them eat dirt or during your pregnancy you drank coffee and ate sushi. You learn that you don't always have to change that wet diaper right away because the advertising print on the Huggies packaging says it can stay dry up to 10 hours. I mean, the marketers always tell the truth right? You dress the second child in hand me downs and it doesn't bother you that the pants are cameo and the top is actually a dress meant for an Easter formal dinner. As long she is not indecently exposing her parts, she'll be fine. It builds character and puts hair on your chest.
13. Kaiya-The-Forgotten-One is consistently an exceptionally dirty kid. It's a good thing my own mother is not reading this because this one will bring great shame to the Asian family... like the whole nine yards of shame. Like the little red dragon explains on Disney's Mulan, "dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow"... EVERYTHING! You can have a million screwed up variables but the Asian child shall never look like a dirty white kid. When you meet Kaiya, on her good days you can tell what she ate because it's still on her clothes. She will have a boogery, crusty mustache, her hair is all wildly tangled and her hands has permanent marker on it mixed with some dirt. On her bad days, everything remains the same except she has no clothes on. This chick is a dirt magnet. Dress her like a princess and in three seconds flat she'll manage to look like an orphan. I just gave up on chasing her with Lysol wipes. With the time saved, I do mounds and mounds of laundry.
14. Our freezer is packed with frozen mini pepperoni pizzas, fries, chicken nuggets and popsicles. Dinner time is always a battle. Trying to shove nutrients down Tai's throat is like watching a monk meditate. It's heart wrenchingly painful. One night, out of sheer insanity I made him sit there until he was finished his plate. We started at 6:00P and at 10:00P I threw in the towel and sent him to bed hungry. Chris does all the cooking in our family and on most days he has to make two separate meals, one for us and one for the kids just to make sure they eat. If he doesn't, we pay the price with a night of crying, whining and Tai using his ninja skills to offload whatever he doesn't like eating either to the dog, or into garbage or the toilet when we're not looking. If Chris is not home and I'm responsible for cooking, I consider instant noodles a healthy food group because like it or not, that MSG has kept us Asians looking suspiciously younger than most of our global counterparts.
15. Birthdays are a non-event. I hate entertaining groups of people. My mother in law is fabulous at it. I suspect she has a team of magical gnomes stashed away some where because at all her family parties her house is immaculate, her food is Top Chef grade and prepared by her, the fine china is well presented, the wine is always flowing, she looks beautiful, the conversations keep mingling and everyone is having a grand old time. I just can't pull off that shit. My level of expertise is grilling hot dogs on the BBQ, you help yourself to the bin of booze or stay thirsty, there may or may not be enough toilet paper in the bathroom, instead of an ice sculpture there is a large garbage can placed strategically for all to see so you can dispose your own paper plates and if you can't find a friend amongst the crowd to strike up a conversation then go hang out all awkwardly by yourself in the corner. I'll be frantically grabbing all the half empty cans of pop and booze before Kaiya gets a hold of it. Now I understand why my parents never celebrated our birthdays as it's a load of time, boat loads of money and more stressful than preparing taxes. Yes one day this Mama will pull the immigrant card handed down from my parents and say... Nammer people don't celebrate birthdays because white people are weird.
16. I love hand-me downs. It's like my version of couponing. The funny thing is that when Tai was born, it never occurred to me that with the onset of every season, I need to buy him a brand new wardrobe because he outgrew everything so quickly. I made the rookie mistake of spending a lot of money on his clothes in the first year and then realized that the brand names are for my own ego. Now, my girlfriend Khanh gives me her kid's hand me downs and with my mother in law's shopping addiction, I don't spend that much on their wardrobe. The money I saved, I spend on things like a second iPad so they don't fight.
17. On long car rides, Kaiya may or may not be safely in her car seat. It's either that or I throw myself out the door because throwing her out the door might land me in jail.
18. Sometimes a well placed, strategically smack on the robust buttocks of Miss Kaiya-The-Forgotten/Stubborn-One will save years of her being enrolled in rehab. Yes, when she gets really out of hand and is stubborn enough to endanger her life, I will smack her and I won't care who's looking. Bring your judge on, but of all my parenting faults one thing I have a strong conviction on is that my children will not be a burden to society when they are older. Even if I have to beat them down, they will always respect others and respect themselves.
19. If potty training doesn't come naturally, I won't push the issue. I have yet to see an adult walk around in diapers (unless for medical issues) so I figured everything that parents freak out about like walking, talking, eating, peeing in the toilet and growing teeth and hair will come when it comes. Some parents wear their mad potty training skills like a war scar. I would rather spend the time blogging about my mad parenting skills.
20. I don't attend pilates or yoga or meet up with other mommy groups and spend hours infatuated with being a "Yummy Mummy". I negatively connotate this term like an expired "hipster". The "Yummy Mummy" and "Martha Stewarts" of the world spend hours on Pinterest to create that perfect costume, or stay up until 3AM baking those on trend cake pops for fundraising or volunteer 28 hours in a day to eradicate the world of harmful BPAs in plastics. I don't effortlessly waltz to school every morning with hair and make-up fully on, in heeled boots, pushing the adorable baby that is wearing a mini version of your fabulous outfit in a Bugaboo stroller with a Starbucks in hand, your latest iPhone in the other and having your school kid dressed like he's attending a private academy marching all disciplined beside your Filipino nanny. I prefer sleeping in until the last possible second, rolling to school wearing whatever was on the floor the night before and Tai may or may not be wearing jeans with holes in the knees. I usually yell at him for being so slow, he usually tells me things like how Daddy taught him how to kill zombies and we both have bags under our eyes because Kaiya kept us both up all night with her usual charming self.
Steph, I know you will be in your element because unlike me, you aren't into yourself. Your personality is preset to Parenting perfection because you find moments like playing board games fun (I get ansty because I am literally "bored"). You enjoy slowing down to point out the the little caterpillar that has blended in with the leaf and you go with the flow. Like everything that is hard in life, I know that my kids will be my proudest achievements because they continually challenge every aspect of my life. In the meantime, I'll be hiding in the bathroom reading the new bestselling book on "The Spirited Child" while Kaiya runs around all frantic and screaming, playing with razor blades and practicing her Van Gogh skills with a permanent marker on Daddy's 54" new TV.
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