An Angel Is Born

It was bittersweet but I decided to visit with my girlfriend Khanh and her husband Randy who lives in Calgary after I spent the afternoon enjoying what I knew in my heart was the last time I would see my amazing Audrey.  Khanh and I have been friends as long as I can remember.  Although I haven't known Randy as long, we quickly became good friends and shared many conversations debating about all things that we don't understand.  They sensed my need for some space so they kindly left me their laptop and I sat quietly in their guest bedroom taking inventory of my life, appreciating my blessings and letting my mind wander.  I wrote: The Gift Of Mortality that evening and after I pulled the Archangel Michael card I spooked myself out and decided to call it a night.  I fell asleep absolutely exhausted.

That night, I had the most beautiful dream.  The room was stunning.  The building had soaring ceilings with cathedral domed glass panels that revealed the drama of the vast night skies.  I looked up and felt immensely small as the indigo sky danced with millions of brightly shining stars.  Twin staircases spiralled up in a helix formation and created a breath taking focal point to a veranda that overlooked the main floor.  In the middle of the grand room is a water fountain that shot majestically up and became the haunting backdrop to the live orchestra playing harmoniously for all the guests.  My fingers caressed the cool touch of the white marble used extensively throughout the floors, stairs, and columns of the ball room.  The energy of the building was intoxicating, like I have been enveloped in a bubble of immense love.

I felt like a princess.  In fact, all the women are dressed exactly the same.  Red crimson ball gowns with robust taffeta silk skirts full of tulle and laced corseted tops beautifully play out each woman's figure.  Our hairs are all perfectly curled and gathered to one side and our make-up is impeccably applied to bring out our best features.  The men are all wearing long tailed tuxedos and as with every woman, each looked extremely handsome and ever so dapper in their formal wear.  I recognized that all the guests are both mine and Audrey's friends and family members.  Everyone is having an amazing time. Some are dancing, some are engaged in deep conversations, some are drinking, some are nibbling on the passed appetizers and some are strolling amongst the rose gardens.  The air is infused with jasmine.

Audrey pokes me in the side.  "Hey, I need your help getting me changed."  Highly irked that I was requested to do something when all I wanted to do was enjoy the festivities (aka drink) I wrinkle my nose in disdain, "Awwww... pull up your big girl panties and do it yourself."  Audrey squints her eyes and intensely focuses her glare on me, "YOU have to help me!  I am too weak from all the radiation treatments."  I did a double take and gasped at the night and day difference in Audrey's appearance.  The Audrey I have known to love is looking half the weight she normally is and the battle of cancer has taken a major toll on her physical human body. Feeling embarrassed that I was being selfish, I put my champagne glass down and humbly obliged her request.

I follow her into a dressing room and waiting for her was a white dress that looks like it weighed four times the weight of my poor Audrey.  It also looked like it was meant for a wedding ceremony.  I opened my big, unfiltered mouth, "Ummm... why are you changing into a wedding dress?  You're not getting married."  "Would you just shuttup and help me into this?  Gawd you're awfully whiny tonight."  I was going to retort but thought better against it.  I struggled getting the dress of a thousand pounds onto Audrey's tiny frame.  She then remembered she had to change to a strapless bra so she asked me to help her with that as well.  By this time I was sweating from the work out so I told her to screw it and just let her girls hang out.  She gave me THAT look.  When Audrey decides that she wants something done, the woman will not stop until its done.  Rather than fight her, I grabbed her bra and attempted to try to figure out all the convoluted straps of the laces on the back of the dress and the snaps of the bra.  I swore under my breath, "Fuck, why am I stuck in this damn tiny room for half the evening wrestling with straps and stupid laces when everyone else is out there having an awesome time.  Why didn't you stay in the same dress like everyone else?"  Audrey rolls her eyes and then lectures, "You know, the more energy you spend complaining, the more you are missing out on the party.  Besides, if you weren't such an Asian light weight you would have had me laced up days ago but nooooooooooooo... instead I have a drunk helping me with the dress."

I finally tied up the last lace and triumphantly stood back to admire my tipsy efforts.  My big, drunken mouth hit the marble floor with an echoing clang.  The "bra" I thought I was wrestling to get on Audrey was actually a breath taking pair of luminescent Angel wings!  The "wedding dress" that I heft up her frail frame was actually a flowing Goddess dress.  I stood back in sheer amazement.  "So how do I look?"  Audrey looked her former healthy self.  Her gorgeous red hair was neatly tucked behind her cute little elf ears.  Her ivory skin glowed like a pearl.  The shine in her eyes sparkled brightly.  She was just absolutely radiant and I stood silently in awe.  Her white ethereal light illuminated the entire place and I, like everyone else in attendance, was embraced in an eternal peace.  "YOU... my dear friend look perfect!" I proudly gasped.  Audrey breaks into a giant smile, "Okay little lady... it's GO time!"

She stepped out on the veranda and the entire party all cheered to her beautiful transformation.  "To Miss Audrey!" everyone thunderously toasted.  Someone then poked me in the side.  "Excuse me Huong, I have the bill for Audrey's party whenever you're ready."  "Oh... see my father-in-law over there?  His name is Trevor Rennie.  Just charge everything to his account."

************************************************************************************
Dear Audrey: Thank you for everything you taught me. Especially the lessons I never realized I needed to learn. Thank you for all the laughter. Especially during the times when it was hard to smile. Most of all, thank you for being such an inspiration. Especially in the times when it felt there was no light. You have earned your Angel wings and thank you for inviting each of us to your Life party. 
Love your party crasher - Huong

(This is the card I pulled after I wrote this Blog)

The Gift Of Mortality

Logically I knew this day would come.  In my heart though I really wished for a miracle.  When Silvia sadly shared the heavy news on Audrey's health I can hear my heart shattering into a million pieces.  It was like someone took an elephant shot gun and fired it point blank at a delicate piece of glass.  My heart started racing and the palpitations were beating so fiercely in my ears that it was maddening.  In a trance I put the phone down and the tears uncontrollably started flowing.

I was at work and luckily it was slow because I cried the rest of the day.  I didn't want to talk about it.  I didn't feel like eating.  I didn't want to rationalize my feelings.  Actually, I just went numb and didn't feel like feeling anything.  It just hurts. 

Audrey and I met at IKEA.  It was the first day of orientation and this petite woman with fiery red hair was snickering something to her friend when we were introducing ourselves to our new team.  Some how she found great humor in the fact that there was a "Dick" and "Huong" (pronounced "Hung") working in the same building as she did.  Being the unabashedly-inappropriate-gutter-thinking-Miss-Sassy-Pants that she is, she offered the following observation, "Hey you and Dick should sit beside each other then I can say, Hello Huong Dick!"  She then rolled over into laughter literally killing herself at her cleverness.  Annoyed that this much older woman was blowing a gasket at my expense, I rolled my eyes and in the whiniest voice I can imitate I innocently asked, "What are you... two?"  "Actually I'm four!" she proudly announces.  It was LOVE at first sight.

Every time Audrey and I get together the sparks fly.  You know how budgies sits contently on the perch staring into the mirror for hours saying, "Pretty bird!"  Well... ya, this is the core of our relationship.  Audrey and I share the same passion for (*ahem) making fun of stupid people, defying authority figures, talking our way out of any situation and enjoying the adventures of life.  Let's just say upper management was always in fear whenever we decided to agree on a topic that was not popular management opinion.  We snickered petty comments through big yawn fests such as meetings and corporate leadership bullshit workshops.  We took extended coffee and ice cream breaks.  We were always hushed in the office and glared at for being rowdy.  We knew how to have a good time and didn't really care if you heard or it affected your productivity levels.

Our friendship bloomed outside the four Swedish blue walls.  Most of the time it involved some form of fermented wheat or grape but the robust discussions of life and the meanderings of its meaning always weaved its way into the debates.  We are prolific debaters.  We pondered about living outside our comfort zones and chasing our real dreams.  We digested and scrutinized what obstacles were holding us back.  Audrey is one of the very few people in my life that can keep up with my unquenching thirst for knowledge.  Every second spent with Audrey ignited every cell in me.  Her energy is just beautifully incredible.

Have you ever had those moments when you meet a person and without sounding totally stalkerish your Spirit just screams, "YOU are going to be my new best friend!" yet you have never exchanged one word?  You just... KNEW.  This is the case with Audrey for me.

Four years ago Audrey was diagnosed with cervical cancer.  Four years ago, Audrey shifted from being a friend to being an inspirational mentor.  She started her Blog to document her journey and more than anything to connect with people so we can learn the REAL essence of being human.  She is a talented writer but always was unsure of her ability.  Like many of us, she created obstacles as to why she couldn't live her dream when she was healthy.  It took cancer to finally live her dream.

Audrey's diagnosis really struck a chord deep within.  I abruptly gave my eight year career with IKEA the middle finger salute as it no longer brought me any happiness and started living one of my dreams of being an entrepreneur.  My dream has immersed me in the world of extreme material wealth.  Never in my wildest dream would I imagine myself involved in such luxuries.  Ironically, the people living the life of luxury are tortured souls accumulating wealth to compensate for spiritual balance.  Such a funny detour my life has taken me.  I spend a lot of time counselling their souls rather than picking the perfect herringbone fabric.  I get caught up in all this materialistic garbage and then I go home and spend a lot of time grounding myself.

I find beauty in the vibrancy of the rose fiercely blooming despite of me moving it into the shade.  I love the silence of the evening when I stare up into the vast indigo open sky and my mind wanders to the possibilities of other realms.  My heart sings when I fill my lungs with the salty air of the sea and my toes are grounded into the wet sand.  I feel humbled when the wind kisses my skin on a hot sweltering day.  When I come through the door and Kaiya screams at the top of her lungs, "Mama's home!" everything feels perfect.  These gifts are given by Audrey as each Blog she posts reminds me to appreciate the REAL meaning of life.

My face is still hurting from all the crying and through my tears I try to focus on booking the correct flight to Edmonton.  What I actually want to do is yell at God and say, "Fuck YOU man.  YOU suck ass."  My soul sister Laura calms me down and reminds me that Audrey wrote her life plan so therefore everything will unfold perfectly.  Being human means we do not have the mental capacity to see the full picture but only fragments.  What appears as imperfect is only a delusional perception.  We must TRUST that Divine plan is perfect.  My brain is working over drive to debunk her theory but my heart hums beautifully to her words.  I KNOW she is right.  We all will eventually return Home to our real state of perfect energy beings of love and light.

In the meantime, we have all accepted our perfectly imperfect human body and have a really SHORT time wearing it.  Why waste your time worrying about the future?  Why dishonor our journey by being stuck in the past?  Why disrespect your purpose by being immobilized by fear? 

Silvia travels with me to The Cross Center to visit Audrey.  As soon as we saw each other, the three of us burst into tears.  Silvia is the more mushy one of the three and she gently strokes Audrey's hair and plants gentle kisses on her beautiful face.  Audrey asks about my crazy baby girl and I throw my hands up in frustration as say, "I don't know what happened to her.  Kaiya is crazy.  I some how broke the second baby."  She starts laughing so hard which then ignites all three of us into a huge giggle fit. 

This moment feels perfect. 

(I pulled this card after I posted this Blog.)