Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Musings From A Medicated And Reluctant Patient

A funny thing happens when you're quarantined.  You are stuck alone with your thoughts which can be a retreat or a personal hell depending how your brain behaves and what combination of drugs you are taking.  After three weeks of trying to fight off a cold/flu I finally surrendered and reluctantly waved the white flag.  I would have kept pushing through but then the virus continued to conquer, settled into my sinus cavities and has decided it would be a neato trick to ooze green, painful discharge from my right eye.  You know it's bad when your unsuspected doctor, who even after years of being professionally groomed to not be offended by body parts, takes a stumble back obviously horrified by the scene and screams, "Oh dear Gawd!  You eye is nasty!"  He delivers a stern lecture about the importance of seeing him earlier, prescribes oral antibiotics for the lung infection, antibiotic eye drops for the facial disfigurement, instructs to bleach all my towels and linens, burn my contact lenses and just wear glasses for a week.  He also emphasizes that I need to wash my hands often and to stay quarantined from people until the discharge stops.  Oh great, Chris who has a bunch of toddlers is going to love hearing that he needs to house an infectious petrie dish.

My friend Laura reminds me that this is the Universe's gentle nudge that I need to slow down.  Normally I would agree but with so many projects on the go, strategizing the company's next move as our lease ends this October, taking on a new line and category to launch for next month, crisis managing a vendor account going sideways and with my team on the mend from sickness and dealing with death this Captain just doesn't have time for bullshit health issues.  I suppose the stress from the hell client was the final nail in the coffin thus putting my immune system on shutdown and me out of commission.

And so I am stuck... in my room... with just my Blackberry and iPad as my only form of entertainment.  Oh wait... and my own thoughts (insert evil dark foreboding music). I was pondering what would have happened like 10 years ago when the Internet was just in its infancy and the power of information wasn't at your fingers tips?  What did I do without waking up to a hilarious George Takei meme before?  Is society actually better with it or ironically did it create more isolation as people spend less time with real people?  I mean ignorance is bliss.  Prior to the Internet if you had a bubble you were pretty much happy within it but now since everyone is more connected, like it or not your bubble will be permeated with global issues that can affect you.  It's hard not to get depressed about corporations that are greedy and will gamble yours and Mother Earth's health in the name of profits.  Or reading that yet another idiot got elected to power and people are still being persecuted for their race, gender, religion and sexual orientation.  This is probably why photos dedicated to cute fuzzy kittens and puppies are well liked on Facebook.

It is said that our children are growing up into a new state of global consciousness because everything they do will leave a global footprint forever on the digital world which means your audience for judging you just got a wee bigger.  This fast pace world will inevitably shape the perception of the children absorbing the information so as parents one has to wonder how much more differently you have to parent in order for them to succeed in this new world order.  Tai is a bright kid.  Without us spending much time schooling him, he has learned how to type in words into You Tube to watch videos so he can master certain levels of Zombies versus Aliens on the iPad.  I was a bright kid too but when I was in kindergarten, I was more concerned with mastering the art of wiping my bum after doing a Number 2.  Kaiya picks up language too easily.  She'll turn three in July but has moments when she spews forth verbal diarrhea like a professional emo teenager.  Chris was using the bathroom the other day and she decided to march in unannounced.  Obviously offended by the lack of privacy, Chris yells at her to get out.  Kaiya sulks back into my room and with two hands on her hips declares, "Gawd... Dad can't even take a joke!" and right on cue dramatically rolls her eyes.  This kid is still wearing pull-ups.

I have two part time staff who I have hand selected for their above average intelligence, beautiful energy and immunity to my sarcastic and often unorthodox form of mentoring.  Rachael is in her early twenties, with tons of sass and spunk (how I like my women) and ready to take on the new world of carving out her career in interior design.  Despite her age she worries about everything.  On top of all the regular things one worries about at that age, she piles on the stresses that usually dominate your mid to later years... like her retirement funds.  Sheesh I don't even stress out about my non existent retirement funds and I have a good decade on her.  Jenn is in her late twenties approaching that thirty mark and the stress she experiences immobilizes her from experiencing life.  She is a total sweetheart and has this bad habit of projecting her positive outlook onto other people's lives but never onto herself.  I wonder if the bombardment of social media and information overload causes one to not perceive opportunities but rather missed benchmarks which then transforms to anxiety and fear?

There is a remote tribe in Africa that celebrates everyday like its their last day because they live in the moment.  If they have a few shillings they will spend it all that day just in case they can't enjoy it tomorrow.  I'm not suggesting everyone forgo their future planning of planting seeds but what I am emphasizing is people need to turn that part of their destructive brain off and enjoy your blessings that you have today.  For the children of today, the parents need to remind them to slow down and appreciate what is actually IN this world.  Some days I fantasize of uprooting my family and moving to a small town or remote exotic locale in the world so my children can appreciate the beauty in Nature, family, and learn to love themselves instead of being hyper critical of what they don't have.  I know I can't remove the Internet but I know I need to parent drastically differently so my kids grow up living life instead of scared of it.

The dual role of the Internet like everything in our life has two sides.  One side can open your eyes to everything you ever wanted.  It can be the inspiration to do more, learn more, and create more regardless of your economic situation.  Somewhere in the Cyber world, no matter how lonely you are you will find a connection.  The other side is like cocaine.  If you don't keep your habit in check, it has the ability to delude you and pervasively create a world where the hell is actually on this world.  Instead of connecting you create an island of isolation.  My brother in law Steve is like Chris in that they are hardcore game addicts and spend a lot of time in their fantasy worlds.  He joked,  " Man the amount of time I dedicate to gaming I could have been an effin' brain surgeon by now!"  We all laugh at the comment, but seriously, Steve is a brilliant man and he actually could and still can be a brain surgeon.




Thursday, April 4, 2013

Taking Out The Trash

I'm having a character building couple of weeks.  Our family got hit with that damn cold/flu/SARS thing that was circulating and right on cue the kids incubate the new virus and infected the adults into a super-size form.  It hit Kaiya first so the already predispositioned, high energy Tazmanian Devil went into overdrive and our home was instantly changed into a war zone where we lost every parenting battle with the two foot evil warlord.  We were at our wits end with a toddler that was impossible to please and she rewarded any displeasure by puking on us.  The virus then grabbed a hold of Tai which meant it brought out the mega wuss.  This kid is so emotionally sensitive he would cry over everything.  Gawd forbid if his dad ever forgot to kiss him goodnight.  So between the screaming demon banshee and the emo crying man child I was ready to slit my wrists.  Unfortunately for me, I didn't have time to take my own life because I got sick as well.  I do believe I have not slept for a week due to the lovely fact that every time I go horizontal it amplifies the coughing situation.  Let's just say my coping skills close to going postal.

Being an entrepreneur is not a task for the faint hearted.  If you don't believe in yourself, aren't hardwired for overly generous bouts of positive thinking, love a sense of adventure, and seek every challenge as an opportunity to learn more about yourself then do yourself a favor and get a job with a punch clock.  On most days I am on cloud nine.  I am passionate about what I do and pinch myself everyday that I am living my dream.  On the odd days, I question my sanity and walk a lonely road of second guessing why I wanted to walk the lonely road.

I have been a rare statistic in my industry by the fact that I still have my doors open for operations.  The economy took down a lot of independent retailers who's pocket books and blood pressure levels couldn't take the risk anymore.  Through an immense learning curve that organically happened, my company went from just a retailer to one that also offers full interior design services.  I have amazing clients that have grown my business by referrals and years of repeat business because of it.  As a seasoned professional, I have been exposed to many different situations that have created the Teflon skin I don every morning.  In retail there is a myth that exists that says the customer is always right.  This week, I put 19 years of retail experience on the line and confidently fired a hell client just to throw into the Universe that no, the customer is not always right.  Sometimes they are just crazy.

She entered the store like most of our potential clients.  The showroom captured her imagination and her heart was won by the meticulous care I pour into the visual merchandising.  She inquired about out services and we present our usual shtick.  I have a rule that I only take on clients that are big budget and let my juniors take on the rest.  My other rule is that yes, if you want my level of experience then my time with be valued higher.  If you play by my rules then I will take you on.  She wanted some direction, enjoyed our friendly banter and wanted to sign me on.  Through the conversation I can already tell she wasn't big budget so I politely let her know my portfolio is full but my junior interior is available to assist her.  She whines that it's not the same and she insists that she wants to book me.  I confidently let her know that Rachael has been brainwashed to think like me, act like and breathe like me so she will be receiving a mini me.  In addition I oversee every project to ensure it meets my standards and act as a safeguard against any red flags.  She insists that I work with her so I tell her my rate which she scoffs is out of her budget.  I let her know perhaps the junior rate would be a better fit and there is some comment that she can't really afford that as well.  I should have known right there to stop the conversation and run the other direction.

My love for making money ignored the gut reaction and we successfully book her with the talented Rachael.  To make a long story short, our client turns out to be one of those, "I don't know what I want so I want you to play mastermind psychologist, enter the no fly zone and pull out the bullshit pent up in my head and put it together beautifully in 3D form."  Combine this pyschosis with a, "I'm cheap and will nickel and dime you for everything" with a dash of,  "I have no style but I don't really want your professional advice, I just want you be compliant and agree with my nasty vision."  At one point in the conversation I actually told her point blank, "I don't do ugly design.  You are forcing me to offer an opinion on the lesser of two uglies which I refuse to do."  After three weeks of this stress that no one on my team wanted anymore, I finally called it quits and sent off an email that was written with incredible restraint: Out of respect for your time, I am recommending that we withdraw participation from your project.  Despite our best efforts it is clear that you are unhappy and frustrated with everything that we have done.  I immediately get the scathing phone call where she takes no responsibility for the dysfunctional relationship and places all the blame on my poor Rachael who's self esteem is already obliterated by our hell client.  But for some random reason she still wants us to continue working with her.  Here I am giving her the opportunity to refund EVERYTHING and cleanly part ways before my voodoo doll making skills come into practice and she still wants to hang out.  WTF?

I checked to see if hell froze over or if pigs were flying and then scan my store to see if a hidden camera is some where.  Out of interest for my company's reputation I reluctantly attempt to salvage the relationship and project and put restraints on the mad woman.  Essentially she is to direct all queries towards me and leave Rachael the eff alone.  Don't mess with Mama Bear's babies, biatch because I will tear you down.  Two weeks later, an email inbox of crazy photos and consistent indecisiveness, it was clear it was time to take out the trash.  Today I sent out yet another email in response her to idiotic request that I offer free advice on whether the products our competitor sells will work.  In addition, she had the audacity to ask for a refund of two hours on our consultation fees when realistically I should have sent her a bill of 30 hours for all the work we did holding her hand, stroking her ego and re-assuring her that everything will be fine.  It took EVERY cell in my body to take the high road and write the final email to end the relationship.  The email was polite, three sentences long and did not include slander against her emotional instability and or death threats.  This itself is a huge win for me considering I have no coping skills from all the sickness plaguing the family let alone the ability to white glove handle a hell client.

I always have used the analogy in life that if your home is full of shit because you didn't have the courage to take your trash to the curb nothing loving and positive can enter the home because there is no room!  Hoarders are buried alive for a reason and you have no one to blame but yourself.  I have learned that weekly upkeep in your home will prevent you from painfully hauling out that rotting dead corpse that you were pretending wasn't a big issue until you realize that even your neighbors can smell the stench.  If something is not working in your life it's most likely because you did not honor yourself.  You devalued your worth and yes, another person will take advantage of it.  The most lovingly thing you can do in that moment is recognize that you need to let it go and release that pain, hurt, frustration, anxiety, depression and stress to make room for the positive energy that flows abundantly in this universe.

Today I wrote a refund cheque made payable to "Client From Hell" and a huge weight was immediately lifted from my shoulders.  I am also comforted by the fact that she needed to buy a new cell phone because she dropped it in the ugly paint she chose against my recommendations.