I am not a super hero. I don't wear my underwear on the outside and I don't leap off the Empire State building to save falling damsels in distress. I don't have laser vision that burns through Kryptonite nor do I fly on demand. I don't re-direct nuclear war heads bound for Earth's destruction into outer space and you can most definitely tell who I am when I wear my glasses. I can't command the weather and I most certainly can't deflect flying bullets.
I do have my moments though. I call it my "wha-WHAAA!" moments. Laura calls it "divine intervention." She's like a giant Gummy Bear - her cyber hugs always comes perfectly at the right moments and it always feels all sweet and uber squishy. Silvia calls it "crazy." She's like my parole officer - if I wander too far she reels me back in. Steph calls it "weird shit." She's like my editor - when my stories get too discombobulated she teases out the facts from the emotions. Chris... well he just stares at me with one raised eyebrow and occasionally pats me on the head for good measure. I think he's secretly interested but the risk adverse side of him is preparing for the psychiatric evaluation.
I have noticed my wha-WHAAA moments tend to come when I am zoning out. If I am admiring a raindrop or driving I get "thoughts" that don't feel like mine popping in. Sometimes I get it during conversations with random people.
A couple months ago a customer that had purchased a sofa from me came in to ask about possibly purchasing a coordinating coffee table. She didn't look very good so I blurted out my observation - which of course was delivered rather abruptly. In defense she said she hasn't been sleeping well because her daughter has been having nightmares. I asked how old her daughter was and she said she was nine. I thought it was odd that a nine year old was having sleep issues and suddenly, just like that, I opened my mouth, "Did her Grandma just pass away?" My customer was taken aback and nervously said, "Yes, my mom passed away a couple months ago. It has been really hard because I'm a single mom and my daughter was really close to her. She has been sleeping with me because I think she is scared I will be taken away too." Again, cruise control took over the mouth. "Oh well your daughter can't sleep because your mom is visiting her and she's so young she can't handle the vision. Did you ask your mom to hang out?" My customer is now wide eyed and whispers, "Well I was having a really rough time so I was praying that she stay beside me and help me." "Okay. Well she heard your prayers I guess and is sticking by you. Maybe you should let your mom know she can lovingly watch over you but not make an appearance around your daughter." My client and I just stared at each other. She then bravely asks, "Why do you know this?" Electricity starts shooting through my body and it just dawned on me that my Intuition somehow was able to get a word in edge wise. "I don't know..."
Just for kicks, I attended Cheryl-Lee Harnish's Practical Intuitive Workshop. I was curious as to what the sassy and entertaining lady had to offer. As part of her curriculum she explains the theory behind all the wu-ha-ha and mysticism and walks you through several practical exercises to engage your intuition. She leads off the day but saying that EVERYONE is born into this world with INTUITION as one of the tools on your survival belt. Like any skill, with practice you can learn to wield it more expertly than others. Sounds simple enough right? This petite woman claims it's like breathing. A natural process that is so gentle our loud minds tend to over throw it. Damn... so that's why I can't seem to make it click more consistently. I knew my brain was trouble. She takes you through a guided meditation to prime you to receive these gentle messages. In this first exercise she tries to get you to sense your Spirit or your guiding angels or your team of peeps "upstairs." The students that bravely shared their experience talk about a warm and loving feeling that made them all nice and tingly. My experience was far from it. I am not the type of person to have visions. I usually just have thoughts pop in and out of my head. However in this particular incident I did envision a profile of a dark face and then a crow flew out of view. My body reacted to the dark presence by a heaviness on my chest and my heart races. My eyes flew open and I am calmed by seeing Laura sitting beside me. Note to self... try connecting to the warm fuzzy guardian spirits so I can float with the rest of the Care Bears.
Cheryl-Lee gets you to pair up with another student that you have never met before. I find a sweet woman and we sit back to back as to not see each other. We get a couple minutes to "feel" each other out energetically and then we write down whatever comes to your mind on a piece of paper. My partner makes an attempt. It was pretty feeble but I politely smile because I think it encourages her. I feel totally silly writing this stuff down but I do it anyways. I write: blue car, lots of love and caring, and boy. It turns out her first car was a big blue station wagon and she loved it so much it had a name. She is a nurse and although she has two daughters who she totally adores she desperately wants a baby boy to complete her family. I tell her if she tries for a third that will be her little Prince. She stares at me. I stare at my piece of paper. Wow... WTF just happened here? Electricity starts shooting through me. She asks for my email address so I can do readings on her. I tell her, "Ummmm... maybe not yet."
In the second exercise we pair up with another random person. I pick another woman and in this exercise we hold hands and with our eyes closed we energetically grope each other. We are suppose to say whatever pops into your head. Again my partner throws things out and none of it makes sense to me or they seem really generic. When it was my turn to ramble I had thoughts of a white picket fence, an open space that seemed like a farm, a huge tree, a fluffy white cat, India, elephants, she was surrounded by a whole bunch of different colored skinned children and there was a female that sucked the life out of her. My eyes pop open and the lady had a giant smile on her face. She gets really excited and tells me that a couple years ago she was studying in Europe and stayed on this farm that had a white picket fence. On sunny days she would sit under this giant apple tree for shade and practiced her yoga. She nostalgically confesses that it was her happy place. I learn that she is a teacher at an international private school in Victoria. She had a white fluffy cat that she loved and adored but it died. Her room mate and her are currently fighting. She was also trying to decide between going to India or Asia for her next trip. I tell her she should see India... whatever she is looking for she'll find it there. She gives me a huge hug and squeals, "Wow you're really good at this!" I am beyond spooked so I excuse myself to go pee.
My friend Laura goes through the same realization that she really does have a gift. She freaks out her partner in one exercise by telling him that she sees a young woman with long blonde hair hugging him from behind. It turns out that she accurately described his girlfriend who passed away from cancer last year. She would often embrace him from behind. Ya... I know... that story sent goosebumps up and down and all around my body too.
So I have intuition. I wear it awkwardly on my belt and I sometimes take a leap of faith which often saves myself and others from further distress. My thoughts are fragmented but when it's "go time" they are freakily accurate. I am an energy whore so I can sense when you're in trouble and need a friend. I have a big mouth that is connected to my cruise control so when I deliver (insert something you really don't want to hear) it's because a higher upper wants you to have the message. It's my wha-WHAAA power.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Friday, October 12, 2012
Amanda Todd
So last night I watched a You Tube video of probably one of the saddest, painful, and heart breaking videos ever. A young, 15 year old girl shared her tormented story about bullying on pieces of paper and made headlines because a couple days ago she committed suicide. Her beautiful face hangs within the shadows and without speaking, she bares her soul about the darkness of modern society. It was nine minutes long. For an hour after that I just stared at my dark computer screen while deep heaves of crying overwhelmed my body.
Amanda Todd could have been any one's little girl. Being a parent everything pertaining to innocent children stabs deeper now. Since I was blessed with the title of being a mom, my ONLY goal in this life is to protect my children. It's that simple. When I read about other children being neglected, abused and unloved I am extremely angry and then saddened that as a society we can't seem to evolve above our dark selves. Compassion, empathy, forgiveness, and love seem to be just words within a forgotten text rather than exercised liberally within our lives.
Life is not complicated. The only thing everyone wants to be is acknowledged that they make a difference in this world and are cherished for being exactly the way they are. I don't care what postulated hard ass you created on the outside to survive this world, on the inside you just want to be LOVED and APPRECIATED because you DO make a difference. We are all pieces of the same puzzle so therefore we all capable of the same light.
Tai started kindergarten this year. I am nervous... I'm not going to lie. He is beautifully not like me. He is extremely sensitive which will be his character's double edge sword. I am trying to teach him to wield his strength to share his kindness and compassion regardless of what difficult situation comes forth. Teaching him to understand his boundaries to protect his own light is going to be a challenge. Those who's gift to humanity is caring for people always seem to forget to take care of them self too. I feel as a parent you really need to watch this precious stage of development because their sense of self is so fragile. Parenting is not easy. Thank goodness we are social creatures so other role models such as aunts, uncles, grandparents, teachers and finally as a last case ditch, our government are all here to support each other. I am blessed because my family support network is unreal. Yes we fight and disagree and even throw in the odd threats, but when push comes to shove my family always has my back.
Honestly though, I have no faith in our public education system. Our government does not put a priority in their children so they set up our teachers to fail. The children that don't fit within the average model as prescribed by our archaic curriculum slip through the cracks and perpetuate a story involving hurting themselves or others. This is a fundamental flaw in our capitalistic society. We focus too much on the love of power and not the power of love. I can't change the world but I can make a difference in my children's. When stories like Amanda Todd's pierces our collective hearts I can't help but wonder if I should be investigating in alternative education options. Home schooling looks pretty decent lately.
Although her life ended too soon, her final act appeared to have awakened those that have been sleeping too long. YOU make a difference in people's lives. YOU have the power to create a positive or negative effect on other people. By doing NOTHING you are stagnant and contributing to the negative effect. Be the change you want to see in this world.
Dance in the light Amanda because now you unconditionally know you were never alone and always loved.
Amanda Todd could have been any one's little girl. Being a parent everything pertaining to innocent children stabs deeper now. Since I was blessed with the title of being a mom, my ONLY goal in this life is to protect my children. It's that simple. When I read about other children being neglected, abused and unloved I am extremely angry and then saddened that as a society we can't seem to evolve above our dark selves. Compassion, empathy, forgiveness, and love seem to be just words within a forgotten text rather than exercised liberally within our lives.
Life is not complicated. The only thing everyone wants to be is acknowledged that they make a difference in this world and are cherished for being exactly the way they are. I don't care what postulated hard ass you created on the outside to survive this world, on the inside you just want to be LOVED and APPRECIATED because you DO make a difference. We are all pieces of the same puzzle so therefore we all capable of the same light.
Tai started kindergarten this year. I am nervous... I'm not going to lie. He is beautifully not like me. He is extremely sensitive which will be his character's double edge sword. I am trying to teach him to wield his strength to share his kindness and compassion regardless of what difficult situation comes forth. Teaching him to understand his boundaries to protect his own light is going to be a challenge. Those who's gift to humanity is caring for people always seem to forget to take care of them self too. I feel as a parent you really need to watch this precious stage of development because their sense of self is so fragile. Parenting is not easy. Thank goodness we are social creatures so other role models such as aunts, uncles, grandparents, teachers and finally as a last case ditch, our government are all here to support each other. I am blessed because my family support network is unreal. Yes we fight and disagree and even throw in the odd threats, but when push comes to shove my family always has my back.
Honestly though, I have no faith in our public education system. Our government does not put a priority in their children so they set up our teachers to fail. The children that don't fit within the average model as prescribed by our archaic curriculum slip through the cracks and perpetuate a story involving hurting themselves or others. This is a fundamental flaw in our capitalistic society. We focus too much on the love of power and not the power of love. I can't change the world but I can make a difference in my children's. When stories like Amanda Todd's pierces our collective hearts I can't help but wonder if I should be investigating in alternative education options. Home schooling looks pretty decent lately.
Although her life ended too soon, her final act appeared to have awakened those that have been sleeping too long. YOU make a difference in people's lives. YOU have the power to create a positive or negative effect on other people. By doing NOTHING you are stagnant and contributing to the negative effect. Be the change you want to see in this world.
Dance in the light Amanda because now you unconditionally know you were never alone and always loved.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Attachments
Dear Ego,
It has just occurred to me that the majority of my suffering has been a result of your limiting views on my infinite possibilities. You are like that nasty plaque that builds up over time and then one day you suddenly wake up and your mouth is burning a tormenting fire. Over time you have manipulatively rotted away at the tooth so the only resolution of being freed from the pain is to yank out the damn thing and be okay with your dentist presenting you with a thousand dollar bill. Here's your official eviction notice - Get the eff out.
With Much Love and Light, The Heart
I have been reading a lot. Sometimes it's fun and brainless like Facebook news feeds. Most times I'm studying esoteric dialogues. You know, the kind that uses phrases like: The Ego mind wants what it wants when it wants it and Applying action to attaining gives energy to the belief in lack - this always decreases the likelihood of experiencing what you desire. I know, why the hell do people write shit like this if their goal is to reach the masses? I like to think I am an educated person and most of the time the words from these Ascended Masters or spiritual teachers are totally lost on me. I would read what appears to be a simple phrase a couple of times and depending if the stars are in perfect alignment with the phi ratio of my 3rd toe multiplied with the Pleidians Thoth of my bra size back in junior high I may be able to comprehend that the Flower Of Life is actually a drawing that freakily resembles that Spirograph one I made in Kindergarten (Yes I am dating myself and yes, I am a child of the 80's). There should be a warning label on Spiritual reading material: Choking hazard. Use only for decorative purposes. Recommended age: 5th dimension ascended souls and higher.
Have you ever played with a Rubix cube? If you are a child of the "Entitlement Generation" it's the 80's version of the iPhone. Every cool kid had one. I was a cool kid, but poor; so although my parents couldn't afford to buy me one, I was clever enough to trick... er... I mean suggest to another kid to lend me his indefinitely for safe keeping. Anyways, my current situation feels like that damn Rubix cube. All my color blocks are all jumbled and as much as I strategize, plan, re-analyze, de-construct, re-construct, contemplate and ponder, nothing is aligning. When I was younger I got extremely frustrated from "playing" with that damn block from rainbow hell. I spent weeks spewing forth verbal diarrhea, offering up death threats and finally in a single moment of insanity I actually took my bike and ran it over with the same zest as a bat out of hell. My mad bike riding skills obliterated the once perfect square form into its teeny little pieces. I cackled maniacally at my destructive triumph but in that pivotal moment of negative release the dark clouds parted and clarity dawned. What appeared to be a mangled pile of rainbow poo was actually a perfect opportunity. I quickly scrambled off my chariot... umm... I mean bike with training wheels, and re-assembled it into a perfect Rubix cube! Now granted, this probably is not how it was intended to be resolved but it worked for me. Later on it donned on me that I could just peel all the effin stickers off which was a less messy option than beating it down with my bike.
My lesson learned at the age of five was that if I just let things go, for example like smashing my Rubix cube into little pieces, I was no longer in agony. Once I let go of my quest to prove that I was smart enough to solve a difficult problem, my pain dissipated like a Tums tablet into water. Poof... I was instantly transported back to Contentment Land. The spiritual teachers would define this concept as attachment. To ease one's suffering you need to let go of your attachments. So I am aiming a nuclear war head at the following Rubix Cubes:
1) My massive Ego.
2) My douche bag Ego.
3) My cancer Ego.
Wish me luck. If you know me, you should also lovingly recognize that my Ego supersedes my even louder Asian voice. On most days, my Ego needs a tarmac the size of those giant, Titanic, double decker Boeing planes to land. When I was younger I had the emotional resiliency to ride the highs of "I'm-super-duper-freakin'-fantastic" to the dips of "Gawd-please-stab-me-in-the-eye-with-burning-sticks" of life. I suspect I am getting old because I just want to find the Lazy Boy chair and sit in the ohm of Contentment. Drama no longer excites me because the reality is, after birthing two giant babies laughing too hard means I have to change my underwear. Hell... sneezing causes biological leakages that are no longer contained to the nasal cavities. Its definitely a daunting task and not one for the weak hearted... or sober for that matter.
Namaste and all that crap.
It has just occurred to me that the majority of my suffering has been a result of your limiting views on my infinite possibilities. You are like that nasty plaque that builds up over time and then one day you suddenly wake up and your mouth is burning a tormenting fire. Over time you have manipulatively rotted away at the tooth so the only resolution of being freed from the pain is to yank out the damn thing and be okay with your dentist presenting you with a thousand dollar bill. Here's your official eviction notice - Get the eff out.
With Much Love and Light, The Heart
I have been reading a lot. Sometimes it's fun and brainless like Facebook news feeds. Most times I'm studying esoteric dialogues. You know, the kind that uses phrases like: The Ego mind wants what it wants when it wants it and Applying action to attaining gives energy to the belief in lack - this always decreases the likelihood of experiencing what you desire. I know, why the hell do people write shit like this if their goal is to reach the masses? I like to think I am an educated person and most of the time the words from these Ascended Masters or spiritual teachers are totally lost on me. I would read what appears to be a simple phrase a couple of times and depending if the stars are in perfect alignment with the phi ratio of my 3rd toe multiplied with the Pleidians Thoth of my bra size back in junior high I may be able to comprehend that the Flower Of Life is actually a drawing that freakily resembles that Spirograph one I made in Kindergarten (Yes I am dating myself and yes, I am a child of the 80's). There should be a warning label on Spiritual reading material: Choking hazard. Use only for decorative purposes. Recommended age: 5th dimension ascended souls and higher.
Have you ever played with a Rubix cube? If you are a child of the "Entitlement Generation" it's the 80's version of the iPhone. Every cool kid had one. I was a cool kid, but poor; so although my parents couldn't afford to buy me one, I was clever enough to trick... er... I mean suggest to another kid to lend me his indefinitely for safe keeping. Anyways, my current situation feels like that damn Rubix cube. All my color blocks are all jumbled and as much as I strategize, plan, re-analyze, de-construct, re-construct, contemplate and ponder, nothing is aligning. When I was younger I got extremely frustrated from "playing" with that damn block from rainbow hell. I spent weeks spewing forth verbal diarrhea, offering up death threats and finally in a single moment of insanity I actually took my bike and ran it over with the same zest as a bat out of hell. My mad bike riding skills obliterated the once perfect square form into its teeny little pieces. I cackled maniacally at my destructive triumph but in that pivotal moment of negative release the dark clouds parted and clarity dawned. What appeared to be a mangled pile of rainbow poo was actually a perfect opportunity. I quickly scrambled off my chariot... umm... I mean bike with training wheels, and re-assembled it into a perfect Rubix cube! Now granted, this probably is not how it was intended to be resolved but it worked for me. Later on it donned on me that I could just peel all the effin stickers off which was a less messy option than beating it down with my bike.
My lesson learned at the age of five was that if I just let things go, for example like smashing my Rubix cube into little pieces, I was no longer in agony. Once I let go of my quest to prove that I was smart enough to solve a difficult problem, my pain dissipated like a Tums tablet into water. Poof... I was instantly transported back to Contentment Land. The spiritual teachers would define this concept as attachment. To ease one's suffering you need to let go of your attachments. So I am aiming a nuclear war head at the following Rubix Cubes:
1) My massive Ego.
2) My douche bag Ego.
3) My cancer Ego.
Wish me luck. If you know me, you should also lovingly recognize that my Ego supersedes my even louder Asian voice. On most days, my Ego needs a tarmac the size of those giant, Titanic, double decker Boeing planes to land. When I was younger I had the emotional resiliency to ride the highs of "I'm-super-duper-freakin'-fantastic" to the dips of "Gawd-please-stab-me-in-the-eye-with-burning-sticks" of life. I suspect I am getting old because I just want to find the Lazy Boy chair and sit in the ohm of Contentment. Drama no longer excites me because the reality is, after birthing two giant babies laughing too hard means I have to change my underwear. Hell... sneezing causes biological leakages that are no longer contained to the nasal cavities. Its definitely a daunting task and not one for the weak hearted... or sober for that matter.
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