Oh Miss Snaggletooth Kaiya

When I started my first blog, I was a new mom so my sometimes unreal experiences had enough fodder to last at least a decade.  Between the sleep deprivation, the hormonal peaks and valleys and being thrust into giving up your identity to succumb to the demands of a newborn who couldn't even figure out the basics of life, writing was a therapeutic escape.  If you missed my year long ranting and raving it's at: http://crung.livejournal.com/ - my dedication to Tai Jaeden Manson.

Kaiya Elaine Mansoncame screaming into the world on July 9, 2010.  She was my fantasy newborn.  Unlike Tai, she slept beautifully, ate effortlessly, passed gas like a seasoned pro and she had the unbelievable magic of engaging you into her happy world.  When you cuddle her, she cooed.  When you sang to her, she googled at you with her big (for a half Asian) brown eyes and smiled.  When you talked to her, she babbled confidently back like she understood everything.  I was truly in love and she melted everyone's heart that she batted her eyelashes at.  She was the complete opposite of Tai.

Then something happened around the three month mark.  Kaiya hit the milestones with record breaking speed.  Her growth charts were literally off the grid (As in she was so fat and tall that she wasn't even on the charts).  Tai was a chubby baby but Kaiya had so much girth and robusto on her that she made the Michelin Man look like he was on Jenny Craig.  When I told my friends that she was a wee tad on the "big girl" side they would just roll their eyes assuming I was exaggerating the issue.  When they finally met the little Manson heifer they soon realized why she earned the nicknames of "Beebee Hippo" and "Smallish Bear."  Clearly the Asian genes were in retreat during this stage.  I think this is when our sweet Kaiya blossomed into a raging... um... Hulk Smash.

Kaiya clearly showed a disregard to rules, routines, manners, and well you know... anything that could possibly make my life easier.  Miss Beebee is definitely the grand opposite of Tai.  Ying and Yang, Darth Vader and Luke, Miss Piggy and Kermit... you know the classic pairing.  Tai is truly his father's son when it comes to temperment.  He is extremely cautious, doesn't like change, is very intense and emotional and timidly approaches the world like it's going to explode on him.  Kaiya is fearless (or stupid only time will tell), either insanely happy or just mad, loathes being restricted to social norms and lives life precariously on the edge.  I knew Karma would one day bite me in the ass, I was just never prepared for it to be named Kaiya.

My girlfriend Audrey is a cancer warrior and battling the bitch with grace and humor.  This morning she posted on her blog: http://notthedestinationbut.wordpress.com/2012/05/10/nice-girl-not-too-bright/.  As always, she debates the gifts of cancer and offers a vulnerable look at her often dark and lonely road.  Through her talented writing she reminds me everyday to appreciate my blessings and to stay in the moment.  Today she brought up the topic of grandchildren so I offered up an opportunity to nanny Kaiya:

I am always here for you so I will unselfishly allow you to be my personal Nanny of my brood. No, no, no… it’s really not a problem at all. Feel free to chase Kaiya around while she is screaming bloody murder because she feels clothing restricts her from experiencing everything life has to offer. She also enjoys peeling off her diapers and peeing in the public eye – because let’s face it, doing it privately is so 24 hours ago. Attempt to convince her that one sits to eat is like wrestling a crack-out alligator. And forget about using words and proper manners, screeching to the point of alarming all canines within a 200 kilometer radius is a way more effective form of communication. Like I said, I am a sharing kind of gal.

Her hilarious response:
H-Dawg – You give and you give and you give! Such a wee martyr you are, my beloved friend.
Okay, here is the deal….I will take on Ms Kaiya (who I can’t wait to meet, by the way) as long as she understands the following:
1) I do not climb trees in my bare feet in order to hang a swing
2) Nudity is fine if and only if, you declare it as streaking, and that you are making a political statement by doing so
3) Peeing in public is permissible only in front of those who have pissed you off
4) Sitting to eat causes a person to relax. That could potentially lead to a lack of sense of purpose. The girl wins this one.
5) Manners, schmanners. Overrated! Again, this one goes to Ms Kaiya.
Love and hugs to you and your wild child xoxoxo

Now this is where the science experiment of parenting really gets interesting.  When Tai was born I had one glorious year of maternity leave.  I read all the books, studied up on all the latest research and agonized over every parenting decision.  I did imprint myself heavily on Tai so despite his "nature" he has been "nurtured" and has grown into a sensitive, beautifully polite, methodical thinker that communicates and processes information well beyond an average 5 year old.  He is also extremely confident (to the point that's it's almost cocky), has no problem approaching complete strangers to talk their ear off and will negotiate his way to Timbuck to if he's allowed.

When Kaiya was born I had 2 very short months with her and it was back to work for me since being an entrepreneur meant there was no such thing as maternity pay.  Chris became the nurturer and since he prefers parenting more organically, Kaiya's behavior amplified into... um... a Tazmanian Devil.  No word of a lie, that is her energy level.  She even scares her Nona who normally isn't scared of anybody after raising 5 boys.  As a baby, she never became attached to any of the normal soothing props.  She spitefully spat out the soothers, aggressively kicked off all her blankets, shrieked like a Banshee at the mobiles, and delightfully sacrificed all plush toys to Penny to chew on.  Ironically, just recently she has been attached to this giant Stitch doll.  If you ever watch Lilo and Stitch, Kaiya embodies both spirits so seeing her drag around a blue Stitch half the size of her is hilariously poetic - Lilo & Stitch just so happens to be my favorite movie.

Another wonderful trait of Kaiya is that she is extremely clumsy.  She falls, trips, bashes her head, scars her legs, bruises her face and the latest talent was she some how managed to chip her front left tooth.  Yesterday I saw her in a satnding position and literally, without any reason or cause she just fell over... ya, just like that... because you know humans do that all the time... fall over from a standing position for no apparent reason (I ruled out being inebriated at this stage).  How wonderfully red neck of my child to be sportin' a chipped tooth.  She has officially graduated from "Smallish Bear" to "Snaggletooth."

Mother's Day is approaching this Sunday and it dawned on me that I never blogged about Miss Kaiya (because we all know the second child get's screwed from an attention point of view).  After I finally wrestled her into bed I figured I would unleash "Hulk Smash" onto the Blog world, if only at least once.  I mean, my golden child Tai did have an entire year so this was the least I could do (plus it will keep the impending therapy bills down).  As my enlightened friend Audrey responded:

H-Dawg – I think from the sounds of things, my little Vietnamese terrorist Mommy, that the Kaiya apple does not fall far from the tree. Which means that I will love, admire and respect her very much.

Well said Audrey... that'll do.

The Devil Wears Prada